Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 855, 26 December 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anue Rutledpe

,1/153 Anne IZntlcdye will answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an Crdent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she t-> xctll fitted for the tash. Those who have problems and lack u confidante to help tn their solution map with confidence write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand tn need of assistance Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

“lT’ Dear Miss Rutledge,— I arc fairly good-looking, have a happy nature, and dress well, yet, unlike other girls, cannot get any inale friends. Sometimes I am taken to dances, but in a little while my escorts cool off and I am left alone. I am sure I do my best to encourage them, hut it. does not seem of any use. Can you help me? LONESOME. A xsn'Eß Why ho so easily discouraged and write: "It does- seem of anV use''Mow that little word "if—the ini- 1 amazing in the English language—sometimes seems to deckle our fate, limiting our possibilities so that we anneal- t.. fare almost Insurmountable harriers and like the man in the fable who 'went through the forest and saw no th-ewood we go through life unaware of our on’ porttmities. Of too slow to make them. It can be anphed in so many in stances, can serve so many purposes vet !f we are so inclined, ran be made to meet many a crisis. Why not trv to uemonstrate the practicability of 'this little word m future? Make a New Year resolution, wave the magic wand, and become a "will o’ the wisp" overnight ivrhaps a little reserve and independence 'v»U bring ‘ man in pursuit.” . ANNE RUTLEDGE. AUNT COMES NORTH Dear Miss Rutledge,— . I am the sole support of my mother, who is a widow. We live very quietly taking care to save In the hopes that

some clay wg shall be able to buy a business, and get on in the world. Ihe other day, my mother’s sister wrote saying that she would like to come and stay with us, and bring her small daughter, too. My mother seems very happy about the idea, and it will do her good to have one of her sisters j "it* l her, hut we have to consider the , question of expense. Do you think it would be a good idea for my mother to write to my aunt explaining the state of our finances? She can easily pay her own way, and her position seems to be better than our own. R.W. .i.v.sn kr. l»u?den i undf.? f th? Carry i nfir an extra tnont i.nfni,! U cllcum *tanees. seems f raiaHvil to me , especially in the case their are well able to pay would i-',, ! expenses. I think you wil K.ut flph V • n i ri fh h the si S nal now, • ultv of m nd .„ thus avoid the diffi- , breaking it to them after their ,o- nce your aunt knows vour mire -.nd tr/- '\ ,U undoubtedly ‘ addeavours ° help you in Jour enAXXE RUTLEDGE. THE DICTATOR Dear Miss Rutledge,— i * , h . ave bcen reading youc columns I lot the past three months, and now seek your advice. I am a young man 1.) years ot age, and have lived in the country all my life. Being musical, I am asked out to many parties and dances. About five months ago I met a pietty girl, of whom I grew very fond. She comes from the city and is the same age as myself. Her relations seem to be very fond of me, and are always asking me to visit them. Her parents, too, seem to like me, and when I am in the city on holidays they always make me stay at their place. Now this is the important part The girl is against the idea of my going to parties, as she thinks that. I only go to flirt with other girls, which is entirely wrong. It is a joy to me to play for the dances, and a great help, too, as I earn extra money each week. I could not do without this while learning a trade and earn-

: ing only small wages. However, the ! girl tells me in her latest letter that : she will have nothing more to do with ■ me if I don’t conform to her ideas, j What am I to do? ANSWER lovesick. uff ers , greater opportunity than I tenth in which to make good, so take time by the forelock and work and save j while you are young. Congratulate vourI ?. n Your good fortune in being able iiinfo,H fo ,L O r,H, a t hobby that is both enjoyable t an d pi ohtable, and in the knowledge that | you intend to make something of vour : hfe: strive to take advantage of the avenues that now lie open at your hand. Trie girl you write about seems to be somewhat determined to “cramp your style.” It would appear that she is taklng a great deal of responsibility on her shoulders, and the price she expects vuu to pay for her friendship is both unreasonable and absurd. I advise you to write to her explaining that you cannot bo guided by her dictates, and she must realise how serious are the demands that I sl| e is making- upon your time, patience • and understanding. j You cannot place any real value on the ' friendship of a girl who is afraid to trust ; you, especially when that little word is the alphabet of tlie situation. Without ! trust the “marriage journey” is doomed ! from the beginning, for to go through life with a wife who is suspicious and full of doubt as to your standards of honour, would spell disaster very quickly. Make this all quite clear to your friend, and give her the right opportunity to deal squarely with the facts. If she really cares for you, she cannot help but take some interest in your career and sympathise with circumstances which, for the time being, must hold you to a certain definite purpose. AXXE RUTLEDGE. BUSINESS—NOT AS USUAL Dear Miss Rutledge: Until the last six months, I have been my husband’s right hand in managing the manufacturing department of his business. Now I have a wee baby two months old, and am prevented to a certain extent from taking an active part in the business. Recently, I paid j the workrooms a tour of inspection uni expectedly, and while there was 1 amazed to see the terrific amount of j waste that seemed to go on among the employees. This kind of thing worries me, as I used to run the workrooms so very economically. I am thinking seriously of employing a good woman to help me care for baby at home, thus leaving me free to run into town to supervise the workrooms between baby’s feeding times, as I nurse him myself. I am most enthusiastic about this idea, but my husband is not in favour. Do you think that I should put the success of the business first because of the baby’s future, or listen to my husband. MAMMA. ANSWER Baby’s immediate need is a mother’s care and he has a right to be given it, especially when there is no urgent necessity for her interests to be elsewhere. I should also like to point out that baby will have no future unless, first of all, he has his health. So husband and baby are “first duty” no matter how successfully you have been able to figure in the

business world in the past. The woman you employ to help with baby may be most reliable, but you would be taking a risk in leaving your wee one to the care of another. You must acknowledge your blessings inasmuch as you have a healthy child, and can feed it yourself. The extra effort and fag of trying to keep up with business demands is likely to damage the i health of yourself as well as baby, and I wliat you save in the business may have I to be passed on to the doctor. | Again, why not be fair to your hus- | band? He probably has to meet many a ! hard, discouraging day down town these j competitive times. In the hours of re- , luxation, lie quite naturally looks for- . ward to the company of his wife and ! baby. If you are tired and harassed try- \ ing to do two people’s work, what comj panionship can you hope to afford your husband? Motherhood and wifehood are not parttime undertakings, and a woman would need to have extraordinary ability to sandwich these in with a successful profession. If you decide to employ help see that you are free during the evenings so that this time can be given to your husband. Regarding the waste that is going on in the workrooms, I would suggest that a capable manageress be engaged to look after this, and advise you to go into the matter further with your husband. AXXE RUTLEDGE. LEFT-ALONE BLUES Dear Miss Rutledge,— My problem concerns a young man I am very much in love with, and another girl whom he takes out, and who is much prettier than I. She is very well dressed, while I am just plain in style, and although he makes love to me, he never takes me out. He makes a friend and companion of the other girl. Do you think that he is in love with me, and intends to marry me, or do you think it will be the other girl? UNHAPPY. A ySWETI It surprises me that you know so much about the other girl, yet continue to tolerate this kind of “back-door” treatment from your friend! While you are content to allow him to visit you “behind the scenes,” and never acknowledge you in public, you must expect lack of respect and anything but marriage. You must be looking for trouble if you allow this man to make you unhappy, for surely it is apparent that he is only making a convenience of your friendship. I strongly advise you to give up playing second fiddle, and if you have any pride, show this young man what you are made of. The world is wide, and there is room for all, but the bent sticks will always cast the bent shadows wherever you go. AXXE RUTLEDGE. OLDER- THAN FIANCE Dear Miss Rutledge.— I have been keeping company with a young man for two years. We are very fond of one another, and perfectly suited, but I am rather worried, as I am four years his senior. When I first made his acquaintance, I did not mention my age, as I did not intend to take him seriously, but now

that things have turned out like this, I am rather anxious, and would like your advice on the matter. HEATHER MARY. -fNStrgR i think that you will feel greatly relieved once you have told the young man the truth about the difference in your ages. There is nothing to gain by postponing the telling, and the sooner he knows the better. Break the news in a happy, tactful manner at an opportune moment. Don’t be unhappy or depressed over the matter. Four years is not so long, really, especially if you are both young in your ways, and as you are so very attached, things are bound to be all right. ANNE RUTLEDGE. ANSWER TO -J.E.A.” i can only advise you to write a personal letter to "Admirer,” and send it to her, care of these columns in The Sun. ANNE RUTLEDGE. ■I.VSH’fB TO “J. IS. " Why not include nuts, cream, milk, and plenty of potatoes in tour diet? Cod liver oil and malt should prove very beneficial, .also a teaspoonful of olive oil taken after meals. Figs, dates, and chocolates should not be overlooked. ANNE RUTLEDGE. .4NSIVE_B TO “,1 PERPLEXED REAVER” I suggest that you consult your lawyer, and place all the facts of the matter before him without delav. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

HOW COOL IT LOOKS On a warm day, when appetites flag, you can give them a fillip by the tempting way in which you serve the meal. A few hot days will soon make it Quite clear that you are a good caterer or just the reverse. It you provide the right kind of food, served in a tempting way, it will be eaten even in a heat wave. After all, we* have to eat to live, even on the hottest summer day. On the warmer days heating foods are not only uninviting, but unwholesome. And heating foods are not necessarily all hot foods. After a strenuous day, for example, a cup of hot clear soup is stimulating and p’leasant, especially when followed by cold meat, salad and a cold sweet. If, however, your second course is of necessity hot, perhaps cutlets or a rechauffee of meat or fish, then the nicest prelude to the meat is a horsd’oeuvre, or perhaps half a grapefruit. There is an art in arranging a table to stimulate the appetite. For instance, a fresh-looking linen cloth in gay-coloured checks of blue and white or green and white flowers, or a big bowl of fruit, a plate of brown bread-and-butter (not cut too thin or too thick), a piece of honeycomb, and perhaps some stewed fruit. Of course, the meal must be satisfying, and an egg baked in milk, in little individual dishes, is dainty, light and nourishing. A little fish souffle, or custard, also baked in the same way in a little fireproof pannikin, is always enjoyable.