Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 850, 19 December 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

Miss Anne Rutledge will answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is welt fitted for the task. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may with confidence write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

ONE WHO BLUSHES Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have always read your columns in the paper, but until now 1 have not been able to pluck up courage to write to you about myself. I hope that you will be able to help me. My chief trouble is self-consciousness. Whenever a member of the fair sex speaks to me I immediately colour up and become embarrassed, and lose my tongue. What is the best thing to do? I have met a very nice girl, but owing to this unfortunate drawback am handicapped as to how to "win her affections. Please tell me if anything can be done to overcome this shortcoming so that I can behave at lehst passably when 1 would like to be at my best. H.O.L. ANSWER Your trouble is one that is common, and most assuredly can be overcome, but it may take a week or a year. In order to begin to disentangle your mind from the illusions of which you write, I suggest that you set yourself a table of mind-exercises to be gone over thoroughly upon rising and at bedtime. Ask yourself -what manner of man you are; if you are fulfilling your destiny as a normal, healthy human being. Take a lesson from the universe, and the working together of the different forms of nature, and their expression. Then decide whether you were born to be a victim to selfconsciousness and feeble expression, or a virile, worthy member of society, whose existence is a succession of worth-while accomplishments and enduring qualities. It is well that you are alive to your fear-bound condition, for man might as well pin faith to the durability of a spider’s web as to self-consciousness and lack of consistent mind control. A. mind permeated with thoughts of drawbacks and shortcomings unconsciously ushers in the “high tide’* of slavery to self, and failure. Jveep your mind under sharp observation directly you find yourself in the company of women. Do not allow vour consciousness to deviate to the “sidetracks” of uncertainty and doubt. Be on your guard! Reject immediately any weak thoughts that may seek to flood your being. When your mind begins to function along the old potent lines and a succession of inferior ideas threaten to submerge you, these can be banished immediatelv by your own acceptance or rejection. Reinforce your thought law's with the knowledge that you live in a world where most things are possible—even the winning of a charming wufe—and you will soon be gathering in the golden grain of confidence, endurance and IJo '' Ver ' ANNE RUTLEDGE. MAID AND MISTRESS Dear Miss Rutledge,— Do you think it, possible to do anything with a maid who dresses better than her mistress? The maid, in this case, is a good cook and excellent housekeeper. X.Y.Z. ANSWEK l think that the mistress would be wise to keep her and ask no questions.' The 100-per-cent, maid does not and never did exist, and if this one is honest —although it is written that fundamentally few women are honest

in the strict sense of the word—there is good reason to be happy on the point of “full service received.” It is openly acknowledged today that clothes have ceased completely to define rank, and whether on the golf course, at the beach, or out walking, it is impossible to tell by ’ r clothes what position in society a woman may hold. Naturally, if the employer in this case dresses well she is curious as to how her maid, earning a comparatively small salary, can even hope to keep pace with good dressing. If her curiosity is roused, she is only womanlike, but it may be just as well if heaven preserves her from going into the question further. After all. her main concern should be to have her household running on oiled wheels. ANNE RUTLEDGE. THE TIMOROUS SUITOR Dear Miss Rutledge,— Knowing liow you have helped others in the past, I thought I would write to you to see if you could help me. Since arriving here, I have become attached to a very nice man about my own age. He is in love with me, but objects to marriage on the grounds that he does not see how he can keep a wife. As we are both approaching middle age, it would be a splendid idea could we marry, as old age is so lonely, and as we have many-interests in common, would be great company for each other. I myself am independent, and he is in a good position. I do not wish to give up his friendship, yet should we not marry, circumstances would necessitate this. What line of action shall I adopt? PERPLEXED. ANSWER I do not quite understand the full significance of your friend’s excuse, if lie is truly fond of you, and in a good position. I feel that you should test the genuineness of his affection before allowing the affair to go much further. In the event of his coming clearly to the point, and offering marriage so that you have every proof of good faith and honourable intentions, it would be quite in order for you to propose to use some ef your own income in setting up a home. ANNE RUTLEDGE. A FAMILY PROBLEM Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am a constant reader of your helpful advice in The Sun, to so many anxious inquirers like myself. I am very disturbed at present over the subject of which I am wi-iting you. I have a son, aged 22, married to a line little girl, 21. They are at present living with her mother, who is a widow, and, of course, are a great help to her, enabling her to keep her home going. She is a steady, fine woman in every way but one, and hereiu lies my trouble. My boy takes his wife out two or three evenings each week to different picture shows in town, and they also go to one of the seaside resorts week-ends, but the wife is not satisfied. She wishes to go to parties that are kept up until all hours, and I must tell you my boy does not like parties in any shape or form. He is inclined toward a quiet, peaceful life at home, and is very much upset at his wife being so fond of going out so much, and brings his troubles to me. Now, being tne mother-in-law, I am in a very awkward position. I want to see them both happy always, and dread interfering in any way, but am most anxious to see things smoothed out. I may say that even Sunday evening is not excluded from the

parties. And this is where her mother comes in. She advises her daughter to go, and accuses my son of selfishness, thinking that he should enjoy going to the parties with his wife. He works hard and is often very tired. They have one little girl and the wife takes her along, too. My boy is anxious to move into a home they can call their own, but says his wife refuses. I am not ‘ old-fashioned in my ideas about the present-day young folk, and. love to see them happy. I shall await your answer in The Sun. ANXIOUS MOTHER. axswur I admire your interest in the young couple, and advise you not to grow discouraged over the problem, but to remain firm. To begin with, your son must also follow your example, and stand firm if he is to find the right solution, otherwise, as "stubble carried before the wind,” he will not be looked up to or win the respect of either woman in the ease. The first step he should take is to get a home together of his own. It is an awful tax on a young man’s patience to have to live up to his mother-in-law. Her responsibilities are ended now that her daughter is married to your son, and the young people are courting disaster by remaining in her home. A third party around offering advice is as dangerous to all concerned as a bombshell placed in their midst, and your son might us well put the nails in his own coffin as continue to submit to the idea. The older woman, probably with a mania for “running things,” offers comments and suggestions, and champions her daughter ns any mistress of a household might be expected to do, and until your son is master of his own little "roost,” he will be obliged to put up with such happenings. Perhaps your son might feel inclined to meet his wife half-way by spending one evening each week at a parly, one at a show and the week-ends away at the seaside. If she is not content with such an arragement, then she must be entirely selfish, and unworthy of tlie love of a steady, considerate husband It is practically impossible for a young man to keep late hours, consistently burning the candle at both ends, and hope to retain his health and fair Bueress at his work. Your son should make thS plain to his wife, and. furthermore, give her to understand that f she Insists on acquiring the party habit, she cm-e t ” S °and 01 i!' sh? does "not appreciate r rhf a onl'y Ton? “Se I KS Bt i, B SSS,a hi £> WSEied ly 'the headwinds, but therein lies his big chance to set his STREET CONVERSATION Dear Miss Rutledge—, Kindly answer the following question. for me: I know that it is a woman’s place to recognise a man in the street, after which he raises his hat. But what I want to know is: should the woman stop the man and speak to him if she so wishes, or should she wait for him to stop and open up a conversation? I shall be glad to read your answer in The Sun. IGNORANT. ANS WER It is the woman’s place to stop and begin a conversation if she is sufficiently interested in the man, and if they have been properly introduced and are on speaking terms. This should not be difficult, really. Some pleasant little remark on conventional lines should be sufficient to enable you to find out whether he is inclined to be interested or vice ANNE RUTLEDGE. VISIT HER HOME Dear Miss Rutledge—, I read your letters frequently, and a.m also seeking advice because I have fallen in love with a very pretty girl, but am afraid to speak to her about it. Do you think it a good idea for me to ask her to go out with me? If not, what other suggestions can you offer ? WORRIED. AAbS'lVßff. I take it that you are on speaking terms with the girl, having been introduced to her. If this is the case, you certainly will not achieve anything by just admiring her at a distance. It would be a good idea for you to pay your respects in person at her home. It is always a good idea to meet a girl under her own roof before asking ber to go out. If you do have the good fortune to become friendly, dont’ be too impetuotis or “rushing." Girls admire the type of man who makes his advances in a cool, level-headed manner. . ANNE RUTLEDGE.