Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 832, 28 November 1929, Page 14

Heart and Home Chats

By

Amne Rathedge

Alisa Ann 3 Rutledge wilt answer letters in this column every Thursday An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller, she is well fitted for the task,. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may with confidence write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

THE BROTHER-IN-LAW

Dear Miss Rutledge. What do you think of my position in life? I am 28 years of age, and ever since I was 16 have worked for my brother-in-law on his farm. He has kept me slaving early and late on small wages, always promising me a share in the farm. For my sister’s sake I have kept on and on, but now, after 12 years of this life, find no share or real prospects forthcoming. Can I sue my brother-in-law for the interest so long promised, or do you advise me to clear out? B.T. ANSWER Within himself, man holds the proud privilege of choice—“to be, or not to be.” No human life is entirely lacking' in opportunity, although we are frequently ignorant of our latent powers until forced to meet certain issues. Your position in life is certainly elevated to the extent that you now know where you are, and that you have worked hard, gaining certain experience for many years. Have a straightforward session with your brother-in-law. Try to rouse his sense of fairness and justice regarding the promises made to you. Perhaps you can arrange a compromise that will enable you to get a start on another farm with a small capital, backed by his guarantee to a bank or legitimate financial company. You must have positive proof of an agreement before venturing in a court of law. It is strange that your sister does not stand out for a fair deal to you, but do not bring her into any argument with your brother-in-law, as this will only complicate matters, perhaps unnecessarily. Your case is like thousands of others. If there is an important agreoment on any subject, confirmation in black and white does not hurt the honest or sincere party. I realise that your environment has not helped you to see the necessity of a written agreement, but you must let experience teach, and not make the same mistake twice. If you make an arrangement to go on a farm, don’t be penny wise and pound foolish in not consulting a good solicitor. Before you take the next step give plenty of time to weighing up the pros and cons, and above all, know that a man must master himself before he can hope to master others! ANNE RUTLEDGE.

THE LAST CHANCE

Dear Miss Rutledge,— As I have read the good advice you have given some people, 1 thought you might help me out of my little trouble. My sister who is 15 years of age is causing some anxiety at home. She was working in a good position but lost it through being disobedient and telling untruths. This is the second time it has happened, and our father, after doing all he can for her, has given her one more chance. I am sure she will do it again, not thinking what it may mean to her. She is a good worker, but will mix up with bad company. Hoping you will understand and help me, as I know what this last chance will be, and I do not want it to happen as it will ruin us. ANXIOUS. ANSWER Naturally you are much concerned about your sister’s misdeeds, as a recurrence would be disastrous, but you can only caution her to watch her step, and give up the bad company. Can’t you make an effort to influence her in your spare time by trying to take an interest in her affairs and being a real sister? “Kindnesses, like grain, increase by sowing, ’&and it is well to remember that some human beings are naturally weaker-wllled than others and need more support and encouragement. Make every effort to help your sister in her endeavours to turn over a new leaf, and try to persuade your father to do likewise. Show that you have confidence in her by believing that she is doing her best now, and thus prevent her from thinking along lines of failure. Meanwhile, why spoil the sunshine of to-day by wondering if it is going to rain tomorrow? ANNE RUTLEDGE.

SMALL-TOWN GOSSIP

Dear Miss Rutledge,— My father is a minister in a small town, and I am his only daughter. At the socials and church events 1 usually have a good time with the young men o£ the district, but now and then hear that people are criticising me. and calling me a flirt. My mother says a minister’s daughter must be above reproach, which I feel I am. except for a little harmless flirtation now and again. Do you think that mother is right? GLADYS. AXXWEK Undoubtedly, mother is right! A minister’s family is usually a target for gossip, especially in a world where scandal seems to afford a pleasing pastime. It Mother Grundy does hold poor cards, she is an expert player, and it isn’t enough for a minister’s daughter to feel she is good; she must absolutely behave with circumspection under all conditions. No matter how carefully you brush away mud, some of it is. sure to stick, and if you- are a wise girl, and wish to show your parents the consideration they deserve, you will model your conduct at all times along careful and discreet lines. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

“GIRL-MAD”

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have a son who has just turned 21 years of age. He has the best of homes, as I look after him, and always have done; he has a wireless, a piano and a gramophone, also everything possible is done for his comfort and convenience. Lately he is very dissatisfied, and the trouble is that he and his boy friend, age 19, are girl mad. The mother of my son’s friend objects to this sort of thing and, when I told my son, he would not tolerate any interference. Of course, I suppose he is his own boss, as he pays his board, and my husband, a seafaring man, is away most of the time, which makes the home very lonely.

Do you tliink it wise of me to tell my son to board elsewhere? He has never been away from me, and although I like him to go out at night now and then, I strongly resent him running about with girls who are strangers to him. Kindly advise me what to do. A MOTHER. ANSWER Many are the complex influences that tend to “bear fruit” in the plastic mind of young manhood. Perhaps a mother, busily engaged in keeping her home in order, is ignorant of the mystic human alchemy, cunningly working out the different phases of life her son must pass through. She does not understand his desires and aptitudes, and then comes a break of misunderstanding, followed by regrets and misgivings. I would entreat you to be patient with your boy, and do not under any consideration persuade him to leave his home. Here you have your greatest hold upon him, and a mother’s influence, even though it may appear to rouse resentment, is vastly superior to that of strangers. In these days, when girls are to be found everywhere, in offices, at golf and well to the fore in every walk of life, it is just as important for a mother to gelt to know her son’s female companions as those of her daugnter, and the background of a home is just as necessary to his well-being as for that of his sisters. Better this way by far, than behind his mother’s back. Now is the time for you to face these facts. Make your home attractive to your son. Eucourage him to bring bis friends to meet you instead of meeting his friends at the fruit shop on the corner. Try to understand your son, to get beneath the surface,” so to speak. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

DOWN ON THE FARM

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have seen in your columns how helpful you are to people, and wonder if you can advise me how to overcome my own problem. For a long time I lived in the country and saw a good deal of a man who was a neighbour near our farm. He w r as very fond of me, and did not notice other girls, also asked me twice to marry him. At the time I could not decide as I was coming to town to work, and although I liked him most awfully, thought that I should wait until I had lived in town for a while before deciding. This friend has never written to me since I have been in town. Of course I have met lots of men since, and there is one who has taken me out a great deal and has now asked me to marry him. I am very attached to this second friend, and love town life; also, feel that he would be very good to me, but cannot forget my country friend, although I have not seen him for so long. I am sure that I am in love with him and wonder, now that he has evidently forgotten me, if I should marry the town man? PERPLEXED. ANSWER Possibly the pride of your country friend prevents him from pursuing you during your stay in the city. He has declared himself, and why should he run after you to a greater extent than reasonable dignity dictates? How can you expect to be happy with a country life when apparently you hanker after the glamour and attractions of the city? On the other hand, would you be givings a fair deal to the city man if his country brother comes first in your affections? My friend, T can only advise you to sit down quietly and think. Consider what value your life will really be to those interested. Just resolve to live as usefully as possible, and not to keep your good intentions in cold storage. You should be concerned with making your marriage a worth-while career, and now, standing at the crossroads, you” highest instincts should point the right way. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

IN BRIEF

ANSWER. TO A.J., AUCKLAND L do not altogether agree with the sentiments expressed in the book you mention, and am of the opinion that it is possible for most people to exercise moderation in all things. Do you go in for vigorous outdoor exercise? If not, do so immediately, taking care to indulge in plenty of cold showers, followed by brisk rubbing down with towels. Drink limewater and lemonade (made with fresh lemons). ANNE RUTLEDGE.

CHOICE OF TWO

Dear Miss Rutledge, Seeing how you have helped others, I am placing my little difficulty before you. lam quite young and very much in love with a young man who is extremely fond of me. He is unable to see me often as his parents object to his going out with me, for what reason I do not know. I have lately come across another man by whom E am attracted, but not to the same degree. I am able to meet him more often, however, and his parents do not object to me. Which of these two men do you advise me to favour? TROUBLED. ANSWER

First of all, nail up the palings in your part of the fence of life with a masterful hand. Make up your mind to carry on your work and interests independently of any thoughts about men friends, affectionate or otherwise. This is important, for to lose your peace of mind, and to disrupt your life by anxiously dwelling upon such problems is borrowing trouble indeed. The school of experience is an expensive one to attend, and most of us have to go through its different courses sooner or later. D<"» not be in any hurry, but just pursue tbe even tenor of your way without thinking seriously of man friend No. 2 when fundamental affection is lacking. Continue to see your friend No. 1 occasionally, as circumstances permit. If you are both worthy, the opposition of his parents will break down provided there is no good reason to the contrary. Be thoughtful concerning this young man’s best interests, and win over the parents by a study of good graces. It is expedient to remember that many parents spend much of their time, and married life generally, carefully looking to the best interests of their children. It is natural, perhaps, for the parents of your friend to be over critical about his future. They may feel that they have seen enough of life to erect mental barbed wire against what might erroneously appear to them as an invasion of mis-mated matrimony. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

ANSWER TO PAL, HAMILTON Unless your friend shows greater interest in your affairs and the future, 1 am convinced that you are wasting your time. Why not throw out a few hints to this effect when next you write? ANNE RUTLEDGE.