Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 814, 7 November 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Ruftledge

3tlsa Anne Uailedge will answer letters in this column eueri/ Thursday- An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide tra veller. she is ' well fitted for the task. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may with confidence write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist these who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUX office. “COMMANDMENTS TO COMMAND” Dear Miss Rutledge,— Life is very empty, for I haven’t yet found the man who will stick to me. I am tall, fair and have a happy disposition. I seem to get on well with men, but I long for marriage and a home and family of my own. Do try and help me please Miss Rutledge. WORRIED.

ASSWER ~The fault is on* that you can remedy. Conform to the following tactics. You won’t need a pair of boots to wade through them, although it might help ,7 you labelled them “Commandments to Command,’* and pinned them up over vour bed. j 1 Be a real “feminine* woman. The “crowing hen” type is already “dated.” Men are bored stiff with the girl who aDes their mannerisms. Eve endowed her daughters with real charm, the same that captivated Adam, and although imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, the modern Adam prefers a true daughter of Eve. 9 Analyse your “make-up. Do not -ush to much over the men you do meet, so that they are likely to think that you lack sincerity and balance. One of the "reatest charms a woman can possess is Doise, and the personality that is full of real interest for the other fellow. 3 If you should meet a man you like, do not “rush” him. Rather give him the impression that he is not the only ••pebble on the beach,” even though he be rhe one male, within a five mile radius. 4. Do not strive to win a handsome ttusband. Remember that some of the plainest men in history have been proved the most capable. Thoughtfulness and tender solicitude stand for much more than mere physical attraction. 5. Rear in mind that marriage is a business enterprise. Well equip the cood ship Matrimony with sentiment to hold its course from the uncharted «pas of discord, not forgetting that money is necessary ••ballast” to keep it afloat. 6. Learn to be a good cook, for many a “leathery” pie has threatened to sink the above ship. If a man’s love is worth winning, it is worth keeping, and a rolling-pin and flour board, are good “first aids” when well handled. 7. This last Commandment will save vou much uncertainty. Make up your mind to find the one man who really fills vour ideal, instead of trying to fit the ideal of every man you meet. ANNE RUTLEDGE. , STEPDAUGHTER’S TANTRUMS Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am in very grave trouble, having just married a widower with an only daughter, IS years of age. This girl has a very terrible temper, of which 1

was completely unaware until taking over the reins of my husband’s household.

When in these rages, the girl is a little fiend, and it is impossible to cope with her. Her father adores her, and cannot see the seriousness of this fault; in fact, I am afraid he thinks I exaggerate the position. As I feel that my matrimonial happiness is gravely at stake, I should appreciate your help. R.B.R. ANSWER “We cannot have light without shadow but, if we face the light the shadows will fall behind,” therefore, take heart. However trying the girl may be, just make up your .mind that she will not wreck your happiness, for you are, and will remain, mistress of the situation. Your step-daughter must realise that such outbursts do not pay in the long run, and the only way to make headway in this direction is to follow out a firm but kindly policy that must eventually bring repentance and reformation in its wake. This may not sound easy at first, especially if a gulf as wide as that which divided Dives and Lazarus is between. Try to grow to understand your stepdaughter, and with loving, kindly concern hold the reins of newly-awakened interest so that they do not chafe. When her tantrums threaten just go peaceably about your affairs. Self-control and indifference on your part will probably bring about a quicker reaction that you imagTry to persuade your husband to cooperate with you in th£ above. Point out the rank injustice he is committing toward his daughter, by allowing her to behave in such a way. No greater misfortune could befall her than that the trouble go on unrebuked. A few judiciously administered spanks, during childhood, might have put an end to it earlier; now, kindness and making her face her own responsibilities is the saner method. It is folly to encourage the thought that this girl is upsetting your home life. Banish it in the knowledge that some day she is going to be necessary to your happiness. ANNE RUTLEDGE. A YOUNG TRIANGLE Dear Miss Rutledge,— After reading many of your letters, I feel as if I really know you, and that perhaps you can help me. My girl friend and I are both in love with the same boy. She has been going out with him for some time, but from his actions he has shown me that I am the one he really cares for, but he does not like to let her down. WORRIED FRIEND. A.vsW-gre There is much food for thought in your Inquiry, as so many people mistake the substance for the shadow, and awake to find that, after all, they are only in love with being in love. Make very sure about your true feelings, and give the matter much consideration. Remember there is a practical as well as a sentimental side to the aftair and you will l>e wise to weigh up all details with the man you mention, as his position, considering that he has entered into friendship with another woman, is a very awkward one. Take my advice and do not act hurriedly. You may really only be. infatuated. and this large-hearted companion may like somebody else after a while. It will be difficult for your girl friend to

relish the turn tilings have taken. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were in her shoes. ANNE RUTLEDGE. THE WARNING Dear Miss Rutledge,— 1 am nineteen years of age, and have been going out with a boy who is twenty-one. He is quite affectionate and I am very much in love with him, but I have found out that be has been friendly with a girl of bad character. I am anxiously awaiting your reply as to what I should do. HEART BROKEN. ANSWER I think you will have regrets later if you continue to take this young man seriously, as it is quite apparent that he is lacking in ideals and principle. There are many clean-living, honourable young men about and at 19 a gild can usually take her choice. Be cautious! Persons are judged by the company they keep and, like the pebble thrown in the lake, there is no telling how far the circles, so caused, will spread. If I were in your shoes I think I should be looking out for a new friel>d ' ANNE RUTLEDGE. A SENSIBLE MOTHER Dear Miss Rutledge, — Could you kindly give me some advice on a matter I have been thinking quite a lot about lately? I am a widow and have only one daughter. She is 23 years of age. We have been close companions for 15 years, and still are very dear to each other, but I can see she is longing for younger company, and probably a straightforward young' man’s. We have to work, and are usuallj' always busy. We often have a few friends here and a game of cards, but that is elderly company again for her. What do you suggest? MOTHER. ANSWER There is no doubt about your ideas being right and you are to be congratulated on possessing such a remarkable young daughter. It would be totally unfair to expect her to continue in such devotion, for too much suppression in. young people leads to ill-balanced thinking, and an abnormal outlook upon life “Drive out Nature with a fork, she comes running back” is a very significant fact, and even though you are both kept so busy there must be opportunities for your daughter to meet young company. I would suggest that you encourage her in this regard, and do your utmost to help her to meet the right type of man. Continue to face the situation philosophically, for card-playing and elderly folks’ company is boring to bright-eyed 23. Get busy and give your girl a chance to make her own hfe. Here, I might offer a word of warning. When she does make new friends, going to dances and the movies, don't be too exacting about the hour she gets home, expecting her to furnish an alibi every time. Let her have her fling in v wholesome way. She will toe all the better for it later on. ANNE RUTLEDGE. BREVITIES .I.VBIV.ER TO R.E. Your problem is a very serious one, and I think that you will be making a very grave mistake if you do not consult a good lawyer. ____ ANNE RUTLEDGE. ANSWER TO GERTIE If the garment is worth spending a reasonable sum on. be sensible and take it to an expert firm who specialise in that kind of work. ANNE RUTLEDGE. ANSWER TO MADGE Yes, it is correct for the gentleman to precede the lady, otherwise how can

he help her off? ANNE RUTLEDGE.