Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 772, 19 September 1929, Page 15

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge.

Miss Anne Hut ledge will answer letters in this column every Thursday An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist , a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is well fitted for the task. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may with confidence write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office. CAMPER'S KIT Dear Miss Rutledge,— We intend to tour the North Island at Christmas time, camping for three weeks on the way. Would you tell me what you think essential in the way of clothes for such a trip? TRIPPER. ANSWER If you are -wise you will invest in a couple of khaki drill suits made with breeches and wear them practically all through the trip. You will ..find such suits most serviceable, especially if you cover yourself with a crash motor coat when on the road. Wear a soft crushable hat and comfortable walking- shoes. I advise you strongly to travel as “lightly” as possible. ANNE RUTLEDGE. THE UNGRATEFUL SON Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have been watching your columns for some months now, waiting to see if you got a letter from someone with a trouble similar to mine, so that I could share with them your advice. However, no letter has appeared, so with my husband’s consent I am going to ask your advice. Eighteen years ago I was married to a man who subsequently turned out to be an absolute waster, inasmuch as he drank, was abusive and a thief (though lucky enough to keep free from the law). Aa a result of this marriage I have a son, and when the son was three weeks old I left the man and proceeded to earn my own living, and this I did for eight years and then met my present husband. I divorced the first man and have been married to the second over nine years, being most ideally happy. The bone of contention is my son, and strange to say it is my husband who has been most kind and good to him. I have always tried to be strict with the boy, in case of inherited traits. Until the hoy was thirteen he was a fine little chap. Since this age he has been slowly developing traits similar to those of his father. We sent him to High School, but he didn’t improve at all. Then he went to technical night school, and he obtained a position in an office. He stayed there for a year. After this he tried one thing after another, not settling for more than three Weeks or a month. Last March I was very ill, and afterwards my husband took me for a holiday to get my strength back again. When we came back we had endless trouble. I found that the boy had lost his job. I remonstrated with him and he cleared out from home early in the morning, taking 5s from my purse. After he had gone I had one shock after another. I found that he had been spending money like ■water while we were away, and of course that worried me. Then a friend called on me as if in answer to a prayer. She comforted me as well as she could and I told her about my first marriage (up to this I had kept my own counsel). I had known her eight or nine years. She told me that she had come to give me news, and she told me in the kindest possible

way that 1113- son had burgled the office in which he had worked, and that we could settle.things up quietly by going to see the owner. We found the boy in five days’ time, 45 miles away. When we got liim home we spoke gently to him and got liim to confess to the theft, and we settled up everything quietly. After this we obtained a job for him on a farm 75 miles away. He arrived home a week ago on a holiday and believe me, Miss Rutledge, when 1 tell you it has been the hardest week of my life. He has made things terribly uncomfortable at home. He speaks to us as though we were some kind of animal lie had a grudge against. On his 17th birthday, last week, my husband fixed up his bicycle for him and bought him a watch. t For two days he was very pleasant, but after that he was just as nasty. I feel as though I can’t bear the sight of him now. He argues with me over such inconsequent things and tells terrible lies. My husband and I are both open and truthful, and we feel as though we just can’t trust him any more. I don’t want him to come home again. I feel just the same toward him as to my first husband, and in a state of black depression all the time he’s home. It is spoiling my chance of happiness with my husband. Dear Miss Rutledge, please tell me where and how you think I have failed. My husband has an excellent character, and altogether is a man to be admired, and I am immensely proud of him, and above all he has been a good parent to my son. I have never written a letter like this before in my life. I feel that I am helped even in pouring out my troubles on paper, and would so appreciate your help greatly. I send all Thursday’s Sun papers to my son, and know that he reads your columns. TROUBLED. ANSWER Shakespeare wrote: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking-makes it so.” Look away from the material aspect of life and consider the goal that you desire to reach. Our thoughts play «. tremendous part in shaping our actions, and particularly so are young people and children influenced by fear, which may not be expressed in words. In effect, I believe that the human mind mirrors occupant, and to the degree that the goodness therein is clouded over by fear, influence and wrong desires, so our minds will reflect and act. Your problem in my opinion can only be solved by an outpouring of understanding faith and love. Be thankful that the boy has not had his career publicly blasted. At the right time tell him of the hardships and sacrifices endured to give him a good start, and your present anxiety, which is destroying your peace of mind. His better nature should respond. Don’t be discouraged at seeming setbacks. Many drop out of the race for the lack of resolution to turn the last corner. This column is hardly the place to deal, with this problem as I should prefer, but I earnestly advise you to seek spiritual inspiration to sustain you in your task. If your boj r , or any boy in a like position, reads this column, I charge him to get somewhere alone and take stock of himself; to ask, is his life worth while? Is he giving his parents a square deal? Let him bow his head with thankfulness that now, in the flesh, he has a mother to appreciate. How many have awakened to practical appreciation too late. If the boy is frank to himself, he will know that he experiences no lasting benefit, pleasures or satisfaction from bad temper, rudeness and stealing. Maybe he has grievances, and thinks that people are “down on him.” If so, I suggest that he wipe out this last thought and turn back to the time when he helped someone in need, or was able to do someone a “good turn.” It is certain that he will feel better pleased with his conscience. I appeal now to your boy to tear out the weeds that would obscure the expression of his better instincts. Let him take a definite stand to do the right thing, and to respect and honour his parents. -tie will not only flourish in his well doing, but he will have, the lasting joy of unlocking your door of depression and worry and letting the sunshine of happiness do its work. If you will write privately I shall be pleased if I can be ot further service. RUTLEDG E.