Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 766, 12 September 1929, Page 15

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anue Rutledge

Hiss Anne {Cutledge will answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is well fitted for the task. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may with confidence write to Miss Rutledge , whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE HUN office.

ON SNOBBISHNESS | Dear Miss Rutledge,— Do you advise private schooling for youngsters? My girls are growing to an age when I feel that a certain amount of exclusiveness in the school they attend is necessary. My husband and I have climbed to success after many struggles, and we want our girls to “get established in the world” more easily than we did. I do not think it a happy idea for girls to have to “rub shoulders” too much with the coarser influences in this life, and so should appreciate your advice. MAB. ANSWER— I earnestly advise you t** put genuine educational excellence before cut and dried snobbery, also, not to uphold the false ambitions and unworthy motives that are the chief source of our retrogressive problems today. Jf your girls are bright and intelligent, by all means furnish them with a good education and accomplishments, but, don't lose sight of a sense of values. Remember that manv a child has become one of life’s failures simply because its mother’s teaching lias filled it with snobbery and self-esteem, and it has been brought -up to believe in its own importance instead of funning somebody’s messages to begin with. Snobbery is a great handicap. There are some parents who desire their children to know only others of a “higher’’ class, and education is looked upon as a means to this end. The struggles of educational leaders to make schooling a social service, appear frequently to be vain and ineffective, when it is so easily perverted and given over to cheap ambition and mere social advancement. The greatest misfortune that has befallen t£e modern youth and maiden is indulgence in too much “make-believe.” So many like to feel they are superior to ordinary, honest-to-goodness toil, and if mother had to wash and scrub and look at every penny once, they have moved away from the scene of such struggles, they never wish to remember the neighbours who stood by them during their trials. It is more important to teach youngsters the value of honest conquest, to choose the right path even though it be the hardest, and to be true to themselves, than to impress on them any misleading theory concerning “desirable acquaintances.” One of the chief aims of education is to teach children to think for themselves, to implant right ideals, and to value industry and proficiency. But thei’e is room for other definite “shaping” especially in the average girl’s colleges. What the nation wants of girl pupils is a knowledge of home economics sufficiently adequate to prepare them for family leadership, successful home management and healthy, happy, motherhood. ANNE RUTLEDGE. HASTY; NOW SORRY \ Dear Miss Rutledge,— In 'writing this letter to you, I feel you can give me good advice. About two years ago I met a young man, and after seeing him frequently for two months, I knew that I had grown to be fond of him. One night we had a quarrel and we ceased going out together. Some months later I spoke to him again, but things do not seem to be the same. I know he is fond of me, for he told me so, and since then I have not cared to go out with others. Please tell me what to do. I cannot give him -up. He is 24 and I am 20. LONELY. AKSWJ3K As you are so attracted, one to the other, it seems foolish to waste time indulging in imaginary misgivings. Why not have a good heart-to-heart talk, and thrash tilings out? Misunderstandings are most unsatisfactory, and I see no solution to your problem unless you both come “into the open” and talk things over frankly, ANNE RUTLEDGE. “MISS EFFICIENCY” Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am a business woman and I liave certain ideas that stand for advancement and commercial efficiency. I intend to remain single and devote my life to a career. But to my way of thinking my employer is not a good executive. When I go to him with a smart idea he looks at me with a sort of pity, as much as to say: “Poor youngster, you will grow up some day.” This attitude irritates me. I hate liis patronising, “simple-little-thing” expression and long to try my luck with a wide-awake, goahead firm. Is it wise to change these hard times when one is paid a comfortable salary? ANSWER AMBITIOUS. It certainly is not wise to remain with a firm where you have no prospects of real advancement. It is the sharp, efficient employer who makes the best workmen, and hard though his demands ; and injunctions may seem at the time, he is usually held in greater respect and i his ideas are given highest esteem in the long rund. Of course, numbers of employers regard women in business lightly, and feel that they really only fill in time until marriage offers a release from the time-clock and typewriter. Perhaps that Is why numbers of brainy, live-wire women, are not taken seriously. However, were I in your shoes, and absolutely decided about making rapid advancement, I would certainly plan along new lines, unless the man that I worked for changed his ideas. If you are successful in securing another position, make a point of discussing your opportunities for advance- ; ment with your prospective employer. Find out his opinion of women as executives; if he will encourage you to bring along ideas, poor oi* otherwise. Tell 1 him you do not wish to trade on sex, but . on efficiency, and if you do hold a man’s job and earn a man’s pay, expect him to treat you just as seriously as the . male members of his staff. ANNE RUTLEDGE. HIS PAST Dear Miss Rutledge,— My daughter, an only child, has run j off with a man whose record has not !

been a good one. True, lie has turned over a new leaf during recent times, but is totally unsuitable as the partner of a girl of education and refinement. Also, lie does not belong to my Church. My daughter writes that she is perfectly happy to be the wife of this man, and has great hopes for the future. She is 29, and, of course, old enough to please herself. I feel the marriage cannot be else but a failure, and wonder if I can influence my daughter to see this man in his true colours ? A.H. AXWE R “Lilies are whitest in dusky hands*” and no matter how aggrieved you feel, I would counsel you to leave these two people to their own fate. The £ ian ’ s “seamy” reputation naturally offers the inevitable comparison, especially as you have done so much to give your daughter the better things of life. But in this you have nothing to reproach yourself, for she may be happier than if she had become the wife of some “holier than thou” person who had kept himself pure and unspotted from the world. Because a man attends church regularly it does not follow that he vvill always be above reproach, or a good “home Christian.” The true test of affection comes when trials and selfdenials have to be faced. A mother's love for her child is the most exacting passion on earth, but tliere are occasions when a mother must be big - enough to put her feelings in her pocket, and give her daughter a fair chance. You can do this only by encouraging your daughter to help her husband in his fight for supremacy over any evil tendencies. He has turned over a new leaf and the love of a good woman might be treasure indeed. T advise them to Jive well away from previous friends if possible, ANNE RUTLEDGE. WILL DIETING HELP? Dear Miss Rutledge,—• I am 17 and weigh 9st 131 b, and feel that I am too heavy for my age. What should my correct weight be; also, would diet help matters? INQUIRER. AXSWETZ Mose certainly diet wall help matters, and presuming that your height is about sft 3in, or thereabouts, your weight should not be much over 9st. Take no fluid with your meals, avoid white bread, butter and potatoes, and refrain from eating between meals. Take lemon drinks, fasting, and an occasional bath in hot water to which two packets of Epsom salts have been added. Soak In this for 10 minutes, shower with cold water, and then rub down with a rough towel. Begin the treatment slowly. ANNE RUTLEDGE. ANSWER TO M.n. Yes, I think that you should have every success now'. Consult the Plunket Society regarding your general health. ANNE RUTLEDGE. DANDRUFF Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am troubled very seriously Vritli dandruff, and when I wear dark clothes, it shows white on the shoulders. Can. you suggest a remedy? K. ANSWER Shampoo the hair twice weekly with tar soap. On the night before shampooing rub in the following pomade:—2o grains of precipitated sulphur, 15 grains of salicylic acid, 2 drams of white vaseline and 1 ounce of coconut oil. Use the following lotion ehch morning on the scalp—lo grains of resorcin, 10 grains of salicylic acid, one-sixth grain of perchloride of mercury, 2 drops of oil of lavender and 1 ounce of bay rum. Resorcin should be omitted from the prescription when the hair is fair or turning grey. ANNE RUTLEDGE. “NOTHING NEW” Dear Miss Rutledge,— I feel sure that you will help me iu my trouble, which is similar to a case mentioned in a letter signed “Baby Face.” A little while ago my greatest friend introduced me to a girl aged 17, by whom he ax>peared to be greatly attracted. Before long, I, too, had fallen captive. While my friend appears more favourable in her eyes than I, since she always accepts his invitations to dances, I feel sure that she likes me a little, too. I am naturally of a retiring disposition, and 1 find it difficult to declare my affection. And if I do this I will most assuredly offend my friend. Kindly advise. TEDDY-BEAR. ANSWER All's fair in love and war, they say, and what you have written is a common occurrence in Cupid’s realm. However, since the Golden Rule principle is apparently operating, and you think too much of the friend who introduced you to the girl to hurt his feelings, the only thing for you to do in the circumstances is to await your legitimate opportunity. Be sure that you really are fond of this girl and that she reciprocates your affection. Such symptoms are frequently wrongly diagnosed by young people, especially girls of 17. ANNE RUTLEDGE.