Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 760, 5 September 1929, Page 15

Heart and Home Chats

Bv

Anne Rutledge

Miss Anne Rutledge will answer letters in this column every Thursday An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist , a student of human nature and a t vide traveller she is ucll fitted for the task.. Those tcJio hare problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution viay with confidence icrite to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A syinpathetio woman, she icill assist those who stand in need of assistance Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

THE OLD HOME Dear Miss Rutledge,— Recently my parents, both, about 65, moved to a new neighbourhood, where they purchased a new house, furniture, etc. Everything is ( modern, very new, stiff and formal. My parents, who have been used to country life, are not at all happy and regret the change they have made. It is sad to see them uncomfortable, and out of their element in this way, and I am wondering it' anything can be done to help them. JOG-TROT. ANSWER It is quite apparent that your parents are fretting for old associations; that the simpler, plainer things of this life are the “lime” and “phosphates” of their existence. Possibly your father l*«gs for his faded and worn armchair that was so comfortable to rest in when he felt tired, and your mother’s heart yearns for her old-time kitchen with its familiar pots and pans which to her spelt home more than any modern labour-saving device in the world. It is strange how the picture that has hung always in one particular spot, and the table that has always been placed against the wall, can affect the lives of some people. Most of us are born with a certain amount of sympathy for our surroundings and they grow upon us until they assume proportions that actually seem part of our lives, and necessary to* our very existence. This is a mistake, but you can’t make older people change their views overnight, and it would be foolish to try. I think they might feel much more comfortable if you could arrange to move some of their used furniture into the new home. Failing this, try to induce your parents to return to their old environment where they will be happier by far. It is their familiar mode of living that appeals, and they have a right to be comfortable at their time of life. ANNE RUTLEDGE. THE PERFECT HUSBAND Dear Miss Rutledge,— What is your definition of a perfect husband? My unmarried women friends constantly find fault with other women's husbands, and make no secret of the perfections they think they have a right to expect from the men they marry. SELF GOVERNED. ANSWER Theorising is a safe and glorious pastime. The women who cherish an ideal of a perfect husband draw a definite line of demarcation before marriage, though afterwards, perhaps, they might agree that if such a being existed, it would be almost as nauseating to subsist on a diet of chocolates, as to attempt to live with him. Hereunder is a list of his most glaring virtues. The perfect husband lives happily with liis wife under almost any conditions. If she is tired and cross, she is still an angel; if she has her hair in curlers, and her face smothered with cold cream, she is still as beautiful as Venus. Romance with him never dies. He is ever faithful to his marriage vows, arid is able to keep the fires of pre-marital courtship ever burning. He never dreams ot uttering disparaging remarks about his wife or her relatives, and enters not into argument which lie coula not hope to win any way. If his wife does not agree to have children, lie is quite content for her to play bridge, or 10 keep open house for her family. The perfect, husband pays the t>v» regularly, always checking over the a*, counts with great precision, and balancing the family budget to a farthing. He Is a domestically efficient person, capable of meeting all the economical problems of family life, even to being able to attend to faucets, gates, sinks, etc., as well as keeping the lawn in order, growing vegetables and beautifying the general appearance of the home. He brushes ills own - clothing and mends his socks, rises betimes and prepares his own breakfast. He knows how to bath, feed and dress babv if necessary; he has the digestion of a horse, and does not lament if the roast-beef is burnt, or the scones are hard as bullets. , . The perfect husband never complains if dinner is 10 minutes late, or loses his temper even though his dress-shirt has not come back from the laundry and he is waiting to dress for a party. Tf he cannot, find his collar stud, he smiles in happy martyrdom. But, dear “Self Governed, the abode of the perfect husband has never been disclosed. He dwells, maybe, on some far Utopian RUTLEDGE . WHAT YOUNGSTERS READ Dear Miss Rutledge,— I liave three growing children who are all fond of reading. 1 have never given this much thought, until recently when I discovered that their tastes centred around “comics” and trashy, badly-written stories, which

they seemed to acquire from their friends. 1 realise that it is a mis take for them to l>e influenced by poor literature, but. my husband thinks I am taking the matter too seriously. "What is your opinion? B.H. ANSWER Thought is force—the great force • around which the activities of human < beings revolve. Books influence thought from the very moment a small child un- j derstands the meaning- of a nursery rhyme; therefore, as the child's mind ; develops, it should be encouraged to form i its own opinions with regard to thv j stories and books it reads. Parents who give this important question consideration will readily agree that they should teach young boys and girls to cultivate a taste for good English literature from the very beginning. Most parents are anxious for their children to develop good personality and character, and it is impossible to give too much thought to the means that will bring about this desirable condition. The cleverly portrayed types that are drawn almost true to life by some of the world's greatest writers, are responsible for much formation of character, and the Bible—greatest of books —has inspired nobility of thought and action from the earliest Far too little emphasis is laid upon j the influence of the home and its effect j on youthful minds. The schools d*> their part well, but if there is lack of ] response on a parent's side, the child's , moral and mental outlook can soon become warped. The only time to form ! youngster's habits aright is when they arc small, and the habit of reading good literature is just as easy to form as any other habit. ANNE RUTLEDGE. A GAMBLER Dear Miss Rutledge, I have decided to put my problem ; before you, aud ask your advice. I am engaged to a man to whom I am devoted, but he is too fond of gambling, and does not seem to be able to give it up. Do you think I ought | to break off fl* engagement or stick to him, and try to help him to overcome this habit? I do not want to • marry a gambler, and yet I love him too much to give him up. G.E. ANSWER The lot of the gambler’s wife is a hazardous one, and the chances are that j her barometer of happiness will more • often register zero than otherwise. A j very difficult and thankless task, too, j lies before her if she hopes to break a man of this slavish habit. Apart from the question as to whethei i a man can be cured of gambling, comes } the consideration of ways and means. A man thus enslaved is often pretty desperate when it comes to money, and will : sacrifice anything that comes to hand, i rather than miss the opportunity of H acking a “sure winner.” The wife of i such a man has frequently to tread a thorny road, for the man of her choice has no peace in his heart, and this inevitably influences her general outlook upon life. Unless you are prepared to make enormous sacrifices. and to labour patiently for your cause, my contention is that you will make a shipwreck of your life if you marry a gambler. It *akes a courageous, not to say foolhardy, woman to entertain such a step. 'ANNE RUTLEDGE. A MOTHER’S JOB Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am a widow of 55, my two grown sons are away training for the navy, and my young daughter in hospital studying to become a nurse. I have a great deal of spare time, am not very well off, and my problem is just what to put my hand to. I know all about home management, domestic economy, and the rearing of small children, but that is all. Do you think 1 am too old to begin now to study or learn something about business so that I can earn some money?

ANSWER - Of course you are not too old to enter the business world if your health Is good and you are active. But, why think about business when the real business of life centres about the home and the people within its walls? Any woman who has been a successful wife, mother and housekeeper, has a splendid profession right at her finger tips, and the way for her to earn her freedom and independence is to be found in this particular avenue;

Take the orphanages, schools and different organisations that are tilled to overflowing with children of all ages. Responsible women of fair education, but with the mother training, are the best types to fill positions in this sphere advantageously. A mothers sympathy and broad vision can inspire and uplift young minds that hunger for that very irfluencynight and day

Wise, understanding, motherly hearts were never in greater demand, and the Institutions and schools are full of babies that need to be comforted ; little girls to be led In the way- of truth, small boys to be encouraged and disciplined with a firm hand and loving heart. Who but a mother of sons could fill the position of matron at a large public school to real advantage understanding youthful idealism and what the routine of healthy normal boyhood demands? Again. «he understands young girlhood because h«r daughters have passed through all the different stages of development including first dances and love affairs She is familiar with their strength as well as their little intimate weaknesses. So the problem is solved, and there no need for the middle-aged mother, suddenly homeless, to bo at the mercy of re latives or to have to live by herself. Her lifelong training will not fail her. and she could be wonderfully happy mother- i ing some of the lonely boys and girls of j the world who need iust such mother- j love to steadv small feet on a path that > is all too winding steep. ANNE RUTLEDGE IN BRIEF ANSWER TO AN XJ PI'S Make a syrup with 1J tablespoons of j borax and tablespoons of sugar, adding a little water. Put this into saucers or tins and olace about your floors. The ants will flock to the syrup, as the sugar j attracts them and the borax will de stroy. them. If you know of their holes sprinkle powdered borax around and in- - side dallv after the hole has been satur--1 ated with water. Continue this for several days and the ants wilt «oon vanish. ANNE RUTLEDGE- | ANSWER TO R-J. 1 Try turpentine for the varnish stain. ; Soak the damaged part in same overi night, then gently rub the material until ! the stain is removed. [ ANNE RUTLEDGE.