Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 754, 29 August 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

Alisa Anne Rutledge toill answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is well fitted for the task. Those icho have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution ynay with confidence write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

ADOPTING A CHILD Dear Miss Rutledge,— Does one take much of a chance on heredity in the case of adopting a little child? My husband and I are very fond of children, but have no family. I am 35 and he is 39, and w r e wonder if we are too old to adopt a child. We have taken a fancy to an orphaned mite, a two-year-old patient in a public hospital, whose pathetic blue eyes of suffering haunt us so much that we want to care for her in our own home. Now the reason we hesitate is because her suffering is caused by some hereditary disease which, although overcome to an extent, may return when she reaches maturity. What do you advise us to do? Do you think the disease is likely to return later? HOPE. ANSWER 4 Mot knowing the nature of the disease, or to what extent the little one is afflicted, I would need to be Deborah, come to life again, to answer the last part of your letter. Why not consult a specialist so that you are saved further uncertainty? With regard to the question of adoption, I think the idea of taking a poor homeless little mite and surrounding it with love and care, both noble and beautiful. Think what its little life must be at present in a cold institution? Think of the joy and happiness you can give it in your own home where it undoubtedly will grow to repay you a thousandfold for your generosity and goodwill. Love always reflects love. However, should you decide to adopt this little girl, you cannot expect to “start at scratch.” You must be prepared to take a chance on heredity, for although fatherly and motherly affection can eridicate many blemishes, the old adage about “silk purses and sows’ ears” must not be lost sight of. Most of us realise full well that we have some strain or other we would not like to see developed in our children. We would be better off, however, if we talked less about heredity and more about our blessings. Sunlight banishes the darkness. I believe that you will reap much happiness if you take the little girl under your wing. Many childless women would be happier if they exercised their latent mother love, but until the fashion for lap-dogs takes

its proper place, babies will often play “second fiddle.” ANNE RUTLEDGE. ROMANCE IS IN BLOOM Dear Miss Rutledge.— How can I win the affections of a young man whom I hold in very high regard? I should like him to know that I am in love with him, and hope that you will advise me in this matter. D. ANSWER Your letter is sadly deficient in detail but I gather that you lack the right opportunity to come to some understanding with your friend. If you are really in earnest, why not make opportunities? But be careful how you do this. It would be extremely foolish of you to throw yourself at the young man and say: “I love you, take me or leave me as you will’’ In bringing yourself before the notice of men, use tact, discretion and common sense. If you manage your affairs well, there is no reason why the young man should not delight in your company. There is no need for you to cheapen yourself or fall into his arms. Become interested in his interests; pay him little, wellthought out compliments, and if he responds and appears grateful for your kindness, express pleasure when you meet, and endeavour to agree with his opinions—if they are reasonable and sensible. Let him see that you are doingall in your power to bring happiness into his life, for there is great satisfaction in making those we love happy. If you follow my advice, do so with quiet deliberation. Nothing is to be gained by “rushing things.” Above all make sure that your sentiments are reciprocated. ANNE RUTLEDGE. FRECKLES Answer to “Lovesick.” —By all means remove the troublesome freckles. I suggest cucumber and milk lightly patted over the face night and morning. ANNE RUTLEDGE. FATHER’S DEPUTIES Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am 40 years of age, and have two grown-up sons of 18 and 20. My husband travels a great deal for our living, and sometimes I am alone for weeks at a time without his companionship. Lately, I have formed the habit of going about with my sons to dances and other entertainments. I have always loved dancing, but because my husband disliked it, I gave it up for years. Now, my problem is this: My husband objects to me going to these dances with my sons on the grounds that I meet other men. I do not question my husband regarding his spare time when he is away from me,

and I am not at all interested in other men. I just love to be with my boys, and should hate to stay at home alone. The last time I went to a dance, I lied to my husband, and now I am disturbed and uncomfortable about the situation. PARTNER. ANSWER The worst of telling a lie is that it is so frequently like a boomerang-. It comes back and hits you. Tou are in the right, to begin with, and your husband is entirely at fault in objecting to those little outings with your sons. If he were at home with you all the time, and took you out to some places of amusement, he might reasonably be expected to object to your wanting to go out with the boys. Then, too, you are developing your sons’ characters in a sensible way. It makes them thoughtful toward you as well as giving them necessary responsibility. Their father should feel proud that his boys are able to step into his shoes so nicely. I wonder how your husband thinks you are to spend your evenings? Perhaps he is content to go to bed each night at 8 o’clock? Most men “on the road” fill in time fairly well and manage to go somewhere six nights out of every seven, but, of course, he may be the exception to the rule. I venture to suggest that in future you settle the question by assuring your husband that a little relaxation goes a long way in a woman’s life ; and that he is wasting his time by being suspicious and jealous, for, in the end, he is simply bound «^NNERi;TL E DGE. A NOTE OF WARNING Dear Miss Rutledge,— As a reader of The Sun, I have always been interested in your good advice to different people. Now I, also, am seeking it. lam a married woman with four little children, and have been married 15 years. Until lately, I have been happy, but now am not contented, although my husband is a good father to the kiddies. He doesn’t drink or smoke and is a good worker. He also helps me at home with different things. I have met a man that I like better and my husband has discovered this, and now he is very jealous. What would you advise me to do? UNHAPPY. ANSWER The great majority of women would be very happy to be in your shoes —the mother of four children and the wife of a good man. Although times have changed and customs are different, surely you must realise that in encouraging this other man, you are deliberately wronging your husband, and treating your innocent little babies with callous indifference! It is cruel and unjust to think of bringing such suffering upon them, and I entreat you to put all thouerht of other men out of your mind before it is too late. There can be no happiness for you, once your home is broken up, and if you have a spark of true womanhood in you, you will not desert those tender helpless babies for anyone else in the world. Your path of duty is clear. Keep to it, for by shirking your responsibilities you will only bring unhappiness and unrest upon vour head. We cannot afford to play ducks and drakes with life, and there is no placing our burdens on others’ shoulders. What we do, we do, and have to bear the rutLKDGE. “THE GIRL FRIEND” Dear Miss Rutledge, I am a happily-married woman, and it is not of my own affairs I wish to write, but I have a friend who lives with me. She is “one of the best,” being an excellent “pal,” even-tem-pered and bright of disposition, and

in every way desirable. But —and herein lies my worry—she j is quite unattached. She is very i popular with a crowd of friends, but | it is unfortunate that the few males who have singled her out for special attention are quite ineligible, mostly from the point of view of age—being too young or too old. My friend is 25, and I am most anxious to see her as happily settled as I am. How can I assist? I am afraid to be a matchmaker, and beyond an invitation casually issued to one or two friends, I am at a loss. If you can offer any suggestions, they will be thankfully received by PAL. ANSWER I think you will be taking on too much responsibility, if you pursue this matter any further. Although the young woman you write about has some very estimable qualities, and is the kind of girl you would be proud to introduce to your friends, too much of the wine of compassion can become clouding to the palate and not as satisfying as one might imagine in the long run. Cupid is a very unreliable person, and his darts have a way of finding their marks and taking victims unawares. Let well alone, and in the fullness of time you will be rewarded for your kindly interest. By making your home an attractive background for this friend, you are helping her tremendous,y^^^ HAVOC IN THE OFFICE Dear Miss Rutledge,— It would seem that the average commercial college is slipshod about teaching pupils good office manners; also, that office girls appear to wear far too few clothes. When calling at my husband’s office recently, I was amazed to see his stenographer draped across her desk, and when I asked her to get me a telephone number she responded with “Right-o,” Later I heard her address a senior as "Old Bean,” and her manner generally is familiar and “hard-boiled.” This girl works wonderfully well and is dependable. She was highly recommended, but my husband tells me that he does not think he can keep her on because her manner Irritates him. I happen to know that she is badly in need of cash, and has a mother dependent upon her. I want to help her, if possible, before my husband sacks her. Kindly advise. DAME. ANSWER Get in touch with this wild little flapper at once, and give her a few honest hints to jot down in her book apart from shorthand notes. Hammer through her ignorance the fact that unless she pays attention to her manners she will be without a job. She probably thinks that she is smart, and that "vamping” is part of the stenographer’s role. You will be doing this girl a good turn if you make her understand that ordinary office routine is not a tea party or a theatrical dress rehearsal. Business is business, and a w.ould-he mannequin, in an office, has placed many a decent man in a false position before today. I know of instances where girls have been put off with some light excuse simply because an employer does not care to see them wear clothes that are twice as expensive as those of his wife. Innocently enough, such girls may have the knack of wearing, or shedding, clothes to advantage, or may be clever with their needle; but you watch the same man pick out his next stenographer! There won't be any finery if he can help it. So you will be playing fair in giving this girl a chance, for undoubtedly she will be glad enough to correct her mistakes. ANNE RUTLEDGE.