Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 742, 15 August 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

t An JL 9 Rutded oa 1 oill answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human uailH-e and a wide traveller, she is well fitted tor the task. Those who hate problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution V,\ C K T ? tt/l confidence write to Miss hut ledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A suntpathetio woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assisttLncJ?- , Communications for Miss rf. rrl? dfre should be addressed to l 11 Li SUN o ffice.

THOSE BUSY DARTS!

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am a young man in business for myself, and have borrowed money privately to get established. It will probably be two years before I can pay off this debt. It so happens that I am deeply in love with a girl, and 1 want to propose to her. Your advice as to the correct thing to flo will be appreciated. C.B. AXSWER In some cases a lons engagement is a dreary affair, and ordinarily I don’t approve ot them. However, vour case is .slightly different as you can see definite daylight - ahead, t presume that money "•as loaned to you with no other securitv than a friend’s or relation’s confidence iii your ability and integrity. Under no consideration can you go back on such a debt of honour, and no matter what other lncllnatfons you may have, vour obligation first to pay off this debt must be honoured. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

ANOTHER TRIANGLE

Dear Miss Rutledge,— Having read your column “Heart and Home Chats,’’ I feel sure you will be able to advise me in the follow'd g:—About two years ago I met a man with whom T have fallen in love. He told me of his love for me, which I think may be genuine, but at the same time he surprised me by saying that he had a wife and two children. He has suggested informing his wife so that she can take divorce proceedings, but my sympathy has been roused, and I have a compassionate feeling toward the wife and little ones. I would feel most grateful for your advice in the matter. THANKFUL. AXSWER One does not need to be “brought up at tile feet of Gemaliel’’ to know that for today. tomorrow-, and a year you might be happy- with this man. Afterwards—who Who knows, either, whether his regard for you is infatuation or real love? How can this be determined? But, one thing is certain. There is a crown of lasting glory for the woman who is -will-

I ing to practice the Golden Rule on her i fellows, and you are a woman’s woman in being loyal to your instincts, and feeling for your friend's wife and little ones. Continue carefully, and consider, too, how you would feel if you were to be pensioned off with a miserable allowance while a new wife stepped into vour shoes. If you had borne children, would you want them to be fatherless, deprived of i their rights—a peaceful home and a father's guiding hand to help them j along? Would you like to feel that you had given a man the brightest years of j your life, that those years of sacrifice j and untiring devotion. were as “wind i upon the waste, willy-nilly blowing?” ; Oli, my dear, don’t feel flattered over I this man’s attentions, but take a cue from his wife, and “play square.” No I other game is worth while. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

THAT MOTHERLY FEELING

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am nearly 19 years of age and’ have been friendly with a young man for nearly two years. He is six years older than I am, and I seem constantly to want to “mother” him. He seems to be much younger than I in his ways and I am wondering if that is right. My friend wishes me to become engaged to him, but people say that I am too young and will regret it when I am older. Kindly give me some help in the matter as it is worrying me. AILEEN. a xsTVER ' You sound to be old for your years, so that the “mothering’’ instinct is quite in order and nothing to be concerned over. Regarding your engagement, I might point out that in our mother's and grandmother's day, early engagements and marriages were quite the fashion. At 25, a girl was often considered an old maid. Nowadays, thank heaven, we are broader-minded, and any wide-awake modern girl can become a successful wife at almost any age. Her chances for success arc greater than those of her forbears because she can stand on her own feet and look life square in the eyes. It would seem that your friend is of a sensible age, and if he is in good health and able to support you, why not became engaged? There is no time like the present if you are definitely set on this man, for marriage might well bring out the best in both of you. Tf you nail your colours to the mast, don't overlook the fact that “team work” more than half the that “team work” is more than half the battle. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

A “HIGH-POWERED ROMEO”

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am 19 years o£ age and have met a very pretty girl who is 21 years old. I am deeply in love with her. When I am away I cannot do anything but think of her, so you may perhaps understand the feeling I have for her. Her attitude toward me differs, and I am trying to solve whether she loves me or not. But doubts assail me continuously. Now, Miss

Rutledge, can you tell me what I can do to prove my love to her and find out whether she cares for me. Oh, what agony I endure when she seems blind to my genuine affection and regards me in a suspicious manner. Who would credit that In this 20th century and in the light of modern understanding, such misery could exist ? STILL HOPEFUL. A xswej; You are suffering 1 from a severe attack of “puppy love” which is aggravated by the fact that you have tuned in your affections to a girl who is probably overwhelmed by your passionate oratory and regard. So many people who wax eloquent under the moon, wake up in the morning embarrassed with recollections, and perhaps wish that they had. like General Dawes, circumscribed their speeches, by reading from a carefully prepared manuscript. You might think that 1 am lacking in sympathy, but I want you to get down to “eartit” and consider what is best for the future. Long engagements are too often trying affairs. Do your circumstances justify thinking of marriage? For you cannot expect the average girl to be serious with you unless. Candidly you are really very young and your ideas and tastes will change as you develop, but this alfair will be .educational experience ard harmless, if you do not become entangled. The girl you like today may be very different from the young woman you might marry 10 years hence. Do not let love affairs have undue prominence in your daily life. Wisdom will dictate the preparation and attention to be given to a business career. In a way, 1 shall regret it if my advice cramps the style and ideals of such a high-souled Romeo. Do not make an error, girls treasure worthwhile compliments falling from the lips of men, and the world would he poorer todav if it were deprived of man’s adoration of spiritual and physical beauty. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

IN BRIEF

••G7? A T FFV I'," r.AY OF TSLAXDX I entreat you to wait patiently until he proposes to you. You are young and any other course of action might ruin vour life. Possibly the “other man” is now spoiling your chances. Take a tip from me and forget him. ANNE RUTLEDGE. “77.1 7, Tj F 7"’ A good way to clean your silver shoes would be to grind up a little blue-bag blue and mix it with bread crumbs Rub well over the shoes and they will appear as new. RUTLEDGE. “LASS” If you aspire to affluent and youthful widowhood hold aloof from a union with a man of 50. Tf you would be certain of all-round success, choose a man ot ANNE RUTLEDGE.