Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 713, 12 July 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By _ . „ a o<2-

Anne Rutledge

Miss Anne Rutledge wilt answer letters in this column every Thursday. .In accomplished writer, an ardent feminist , a student of human nature and a wide traveller, she is well fitted tor the taste. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may with confidence write to 3liss Rutledge, u'hose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

WEEP AND YOU WEEP ALONE

Dear Miss Rutledge,— Kindly help me out ot a dilemma. 1 am 25, and in love with a girl whom people call “too soulful.” By that they means she feels things too profoundly, aud 1 must confess their opinion to be correct. I, too, get very impatient at times with my friend on this point, but cannot persuade her to change. For instance, calling to take her out, I am never surprised if I discover her in tears and terribly upset over a newspaper item concerning cruelty to human beings or animals. She weeps copiously over poetry and stories, and never seems happier than when relating her troubles. Now I want a wife who can take a lively Interest iu my affairs, as well as help me to find my mark in the world. Do you think 1 have much chance of being happy with this girl? t don't want to risk making a mess of my life. DILEMMA, ANSWER It would appear that your friend has noble instincts. But it is also obvious that her mind is perhaps -ill-balanced through lack of interesting hard work. "Highly strung” people should have plenty of absorbing and useful tasks to occupy their thoughts. I gather, from your letter, that you are in a blind street as far as the understanding of the girl’s complex goes. In this case, you are most wise to proceed cautiously, carefull> watching for “traffic signals” and safety zones.” , It is spring foolishness for any pia»--tical young man to take unto himself a wife who is rule-of-soul-minded. God s gi-eatest gift to women, apart from the rouge-pot, is the power of a smile. iv woman’s smile is her fortune, and, believe me, men enjoy that smile more than anything else in the world. Of course vou don’t want to marry a girl who has a heart as unyielding as a Juggernaut, and you don’t want the egoist type, or the shallow, empty-headed flapper who hungers for modern pace killing. But, what vou do want in a wife are qualities such as sweetness, courage, understand- • ing and :i sense of humour—pegs of sufficient strength to carry a man’s coat <<f changing moods to the close of the matrimonial chapter. ~ , t Real intelligence never palls, but copious weeping over happenings that one is helpless to cope with would bore the most patient of men. A wife who can twist a \inisadventure into a comic jest is a jewel' indeed, but to attempt to pickle a man in brine is an open invitation to a sea of troubles to “enter without knockinS ” ANNE RUTLEDGE. “THREE WEEKS” Dear Miss Rutledge, — I am in a very awkward position. I am about to be married in three weeks’ time. All the invitations are out, and 1 have received some presents. Before this affair I had received a proposal from another man whom I

rejected, but 1 have now come to the alarming conclusion that I love him, j and not my fiauce. What am I to j do? Go on with the marriage ceremony and forfeit all future happiness, j or humiliate myself by refusing to be married, and returning the presents? UPSET. AXfswun That provoking organ, the heart, can become very irregular, and stubborn upon occasions, and your words, ’’Shall l go on with the marriage ceremony and forfeit all future happiness?” certainly make your case a fairly desperate one. I am inclined to put the question. “Mow can you go on and expect to be happy if you begin your new life with a serious deception?” It would take a modern So onion all his time to discover why it is that we love those whom we are not supposed to love, and why we disappoint those whom we should love. Muster up your courage, and, however much it hurts, send bark the wedding presents accompanied by courteous notes. Face your tinned with the truth. It is to be hoped that you are not mistaking the substance for the shadow, and that the man you really do love will appreciate your action. In the meantime, think well around the word “caution.” Your letter mentions that you would humiliate yourself by refusing to be married, and returning the presents. It is fairly obvious that most of the real humiliation would be suffered bv the families and relatives concerned, and by your fiance, and 1 recommend you to cast out se’fislmess and think of others a little more. ANNE RUTLEDGE. WHY THIS SILENCE? Dear Miss Rutledge: l have been friends with a bachelor farmer for about six years, aud have grown very fond of him, and always enjoy his company when he is in town. We understand each other’s ways, but know that we cannot marry. He was badly gassed at the Avar. We ha\ r e alAvays corresponded with each other, but my last letter, Avritten to him Lour mouths ago telling him of an illness, has not been replied to. Naturally I am Avorried about him, and should be glad if you Avould advise me AA’hether to write to him again or wait a little longer. NORTHCOTE. ANSWER a I should certaimy write to your friend again Avithout delay. Possibly your letter may have been lost in the post, or he may be ill, and unable to write. A friendship extending OAer such a long period is not easily broken, and there must be some seriqus reason for your friend’s silence ANNE RUTLEDGE. AN ENSLAVING CURSE Dear Miss Rutledge,— Could you grve me your valued advice on the following questions which are puzzling me. First of all, does a person show by appearance or manner that she has been addicted to drugs for a considerable time? Also, could a parent of such a person deceive an innocent man by saying that “nerves” Avere the trouble? Also, could a woman so addicted qssume love, and marry a man so as to have his money ? ANXIOUS. .4 NSWER In answer to question one, much Avould depend upon the nervous system of the person, also her ability to cover up the • Aveakness. Naturally, a person so adi dieted Avould show the demoralising effect ? in time, and must have an exceptionally strong constitution if she does not already j show traces of the habit in her face. * Regarding question two. The parent of l 1 a drug Auctim Avould be committing a

great wrong to deceive a man on such a point. At first the excuse of nerves might be accepted, hut time would tell its own tale. It is surely a case of “kill or cure.” Addicts either stamp out the enslaving curse tliro\igh the persistent help of friends or institutions, or they go down the hill to a nightmaro existence that is relieved only by death. Concerning question three, it would be ridiculous for an ordinary woman to consider such a sham, and the idea is despicable anyhow. Generally speaking, it would not be for the best interests of the race for little ones to be given life by such a mother, although, of course, if she married a man of exceptionally strong character and high ideals, he might help her to see health and happiness, and to conquer the drug RUTLEpGE . PROBLEMS AT NINETEEN Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am 19 years old, and am in a very difficult position. lam in love with a young man who is in love with me, but my parents are very much against

him because he is not very well off financially. He is much respected in our district. If I do not marry him shortly, he might become impatient, and come to the conclusion that I do not love him. Would you please advise me what to do? RESTLESS. \XSWER W You are onlv If>. my dear, and It is possible vou will make the mistake of your life if you throw your parents* opinion into the discard. 3>e advised, and do not delude yourself into thinking that ‘ love and kisses*' are enough, and that your young man’s presence alone is sufficient to keep you happy to the end of your days. Marriage, like every other institution, needs finance to keep it going, and aI J though poverty is not an insuperable, obstacle, the most ardent of lovers have discovered the necessity of keeping a sound roof over their heads, of eating good wholesome food, and wearing decent clothing. I am sorry to dishearten you, but my experience tells me that the sage who wrote “Wrinkled purses make wrinkled faces” was not far wrong. If this young I man is sincere in his regard for you,

lie will wait until you are 21—old enough i to realise more fully the sacrifice you are making. ANNE RUTLEDGE. HOUSEHOLD HINTS , ' Dear Miss Rutledge: Is it possible to keep table silver p bright after use without using a polish? C.V. ' After each meal, place your fiat tabic 1 silver in an aluminium dish with a tablespoonful of common salt, and cover 1 with boiling water. When you dry the silver you will find that no polishing is \ required. ANNE RUTLEDGE, i ANSWER TO Y.A. = I think that you must have been t "trusting too much to luck" to have such failures with your cooking. To be a sties’ - cessful cook you must be <-areful to weigh o and measure your ingredients accurately, d I would also suggest that you invest in a ? really good cookery book, i, ANNE RUTEfEDGE.