HOWLERS STILL FLOURISHING

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 708, 6 July 1929, Page 2

HOWLERS STILL FLOURISHING

Schoolmasters Amusing Collection

(Written for THE SUN by JANES A. COLQUHOUN.f

JN no profession is a sense of humour more needed than in that of the schoolmaster whose work, so often wearying, is frequently enlivened by little incidents ■with the saving grace of humour. The modern pupil, too, has a decidedly quick sense of humour and is keen to appreciate any little joke at the expense of his classmates, and when there is a joke at the expense of his teacher there is no

"counterfeited glee” about his appreciation. Unconscious humour is common in our schools. In fact, the periodical examinations—particularly in geography and history—yield such a prolific harvest of “howlers” that one begins to lose faith in one’s power to implant the seeds of wisdom successfully. I have for some years kept a list of those which I have collected from my own pupils and those which have been given me as genuine by other teachers. The following are taken from the. list: A geography lesson on ocean currents as affecting climate, particularly in Labrador, was being given in a room where another class was writing facts about the Suez Canal. The remit of divided attention appeared in this form: “The Suez Canal separates the Red Sea from Arabia. The journey through the canal is dangerous because large blocks of ice fall off the sides and float down the canal.” After a lesson on the frozen meat industry, an inspector questioned the class about by-products. One girl became very flustered when asked what became of all the bones. Her answer was greeted with laughter. "They are used for soup,” she replied, dazedly. The following are from the answers given to history questions: "Edward tire Confession was a man who was very friendly with God.” "Prince Charlie jumped into a motor-car and escaped to Holland.” "The Romans drovd the Britons over the hills into New South Wales.” The lad who wrote “Caesar was fighting in Gore” was probably nearer to the mark than it appears. According to a youthful maiden, “Boadicea was a British Queen who, rather than be captured by the Romans, painted herself with woad—a blue dye which poisoned her.” “The ancient Britons were not Christians, for they worshipped emus.” “Sir Walter Raleigh wanted to marry Queen Victorious, but she chopped his head off.” One does not need to be told that it was a farmer’s son who volunteered the information that "The Prime Minister of New Zealand is Mr. Massey-Harris.”

Cromwell's duties were evidently varied, according to the child who wrote: "Oliver Cromwell dialled the

Ironsides and also rang a cnurch bell, called the curfew, every evening.” A standard 11. girl was asked to write a composition about “A Sheep.” Her essay contained the following pleasing passage: “The sheep and the lamb go along the road together. Soon they come to a nice green field and the sheep says, ‘My dear, would you not like to eat some of that nice green grass?’ The lamb replies, ‘My oath!’ ” A Maori girl was greatly impressed by the story of the life of Florence | Nightingale and wished to write an account of her life and work. Her effort concluded with the following: "My word, if I could only be like her! Some kid!” In explanation of the meanings of words children are often asked to place the word in a suitable context. One lad was required to state the meaning of "military barracks.” He said they were "soldiers who stood on the line at a football match, and yelled.” A Maori boy of my acquaintance was asked to give a sentence using the word “polite.” He replied: “Please. Miss, my father’s potatoes all got the plight.” Another small child said: “Warriors are men who live in whares.” In an English test, a class was required to state the full words of certain abbreviations. One was "Governor’s A.D.C.” and received an original Interpretation as "Governors After tile Death of Christ.” Another question was as follows: —- Correct and give your reasons: (1) Between you and I he is no artist; (2) Jim has got the toothache. The following answer speaks for itself:— (1) Between you and me he is no artist.