FROM THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 651, 1 May 1929, Page 8

FROM THE WATCH TOWER

By

"THE LOOK-OUT MAN.”

THE PASSPORT “It is not necessary to obtain anyone’s consent to put him on a 'ticket’,” said Mr. H. P. Taylor, of tile United Ratepayers’ Association, referring to a repudiation by “the Independent Eleven.” By virtue of monarchy’s charter. The word is dispatched, and a whistle, Without, brings the notes that impart a Intense air. At the least, it's a Garter Or Thistle. But when you are placed on a ticket. No word is vouchsafed in the mail or By phone to denote the good wicket You’re on. Yet it pays you to stick it With Taylor. For who would consider dissenting: When proffered so signal an honour? Who would, he would soon he repenting, And be also—-a state most tormenting— A “gonner.” So take the long view, with a leaven Of prudence. With ease you can pick it. No bold Independent Eleven May gate-crash the candidates’ Heaven, Sans ticket. Me SHOVEL. THE HAPPY MEDIUM “Dazed But E^ober,”—News heading. This recalls a South Island case where an unwilling witness was forced to state whether his friend was drunk or sober at the time of a certain happening. “He wasn’t drunk, and he wasn’t sober,” was the cautious reply. “He was exactly as a man ought to be.” ILLUMINATION An Auckland woman, accustomed to housekeeping amenities such as charladies, bagwash, and so forth, was recently taken by her husband to live in Kawakawa. It was with no light misgiving that she resigned herself to the pioneering North. It would be unpleasant if no domestic help were procurable. Imagine, then, her delight when in Kawakawa’s (main) street she read from the train, “Bay of Islands Laundry.” Imagine also her disgust when, on a closer view, it became the name of the local triweekly, “Bay of Islands Luminary.” TO THE FOUR WINDS “Refreshments were handed round by the ladies.” The usual variant on this delightful mode is the expression, “The ladies dispensed a dainty afternoon tea.” To dispense a thing in its deeper sense is to prepare it as a chemist prepares medicines. Thus it might be feared that the tea on the happy occasion referred to was charged with belladonna, H2SO4, and one or two other potent ingredients. Not so, timid stranger. As a matter of fact, a gentle correspondent varied the variant by writing “The ladies dispersed afternoon tea.” and one is left with the pleasant vision of the sewing guild scattering cream juft's and sandwiches, to say nothing of the tea, to the four winds. BRASS RAILS Transacting business in the Oovernment parcels office in Albert Street, one is made aware of a familiar fitting in the shape of the brass footrail beneath the counter. The weakness of State departments for appointments of this exalted character is the only one they share with favoured caravanserais where the brass rail is a sacred portion of the furniture. The instinctive tendency of thirsty male automata to scratch mechanically with disengaged foot for the brass rail has often been noted in city shops. Perhaps this accounts for the frequent congestion in the parcels office. Men wait hopefully, as if subconsciously awaiting something more than a parcel. PERILS OF TOURING The perils of Ministerial touring are emphasised by the escape of the Hon. 11. Atmore and party from their car when it capsized in a flooded stream near Nelson. However, Ministers make light of these dangers. They are all in the day’s work, so fortunately the country’s business is allowed to go on unhindered. Far more serious is the situation when the accident occurs in an election campaign. When Sir Joseph Ward was putting up his great fight for the Tauranga seat at a by-election, his baggage-car—which naturally contained a couple of reports—caught Are when it was leading a procession over the Kaimais. Sir Joseph, being in one of the rear cars, suffered no danger, but was held up for some hours, and put behind schedule. While others fled into the bush in fear of an explosion, a gallant scribe salvaged the distinguished candidate's luggage, but the lire took a long time to burn itself out, and Sir Joseph, being already some hours overdue for a meeting at Upper Kaimai. had to set out and walk. No doubt, he had probably not walked so far for a long time before, nor has he walked such a distance since.