. . .A JEST OR TWO. . .

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 643, 20 April 1929, Page 29

.. .A JEST OR TWO. . .

Hay-Maker. —Mrs. Jones: I saw your husband at the masquerade ball chasing after a hula-hula dancer in a grass skirt. Mrs. Brown: Why, the old rake!

Happy Thought —“l’ve been trying to think of a word for two weeks.” “What about fortnight?”

Familiar Finger-prints. —She: Go! Leave this house! And never darken my guest towel again!

Slept Through It. —Host: Well, little lady, did you have a good night? Small Visitor: I don’t know. I was asleep all the time.

Sex Problem. — I wonder why they say “Amen” and not “Awomen,” Bobby? Because they sing hymns and not hers, stupid.

Hustling in Uneasy Street. —“ You are working too hard,” said the doctor. T know it,” sighed the patient, “but it is the only way I can keep up the easy payments.”

The Wrong Job. —The rich bachelor sighed and looked at the beautiful girl fixedly.

‘ Things are sixes and sevens with me,” he said, “I feel the great need of a woman in my home —one who could straighten things out, and make life worth living. “Yes?” she queried softly.

“Do you know of any good, ablebodied woman I could get to clean the house?”

Unique.—First Schoolmaster: “Haye you any abnormal boys in your class?” Second Schoolmaster: “Yes, two; they both have excellent manners.” Not Unawares. —“Was your late mistress surprised at your leaving?” “Oh, no, mum. She knew about it before I did.” Rather Suspicious. Magistrate: “Are vou sure he was intoxicated?” Policeman: “No, sir, not positive; but his wife says he brought home a manhole cover and tried to play it on the gramophone.” After Dinner. —“Well, I've only heard him make one good after-dinner speech.” “Really?” “Yes. it. was when lie said, ‘Waiter, give me the bill.’ ” Drinking It ln^~A man who never went to church was compelled to do so one Sunday by a strong-minded wife. When he returned home she asked what the text had been. “I forget exactly/ said the erring male, “but it. came from the thirstiest chapter of Guinnesses.”

The Poor Man—Father: “Why don’t you dance with young Perkins?” Daughter: “I wouldn’t dance with him if he were worth a million.” “He is.”

“Oh. well —introduce me, I suppose somebody’s got to dance with the poor man.”

If At First You Don’t Succeed.—A little girl who was taken to hear a very celebrated singer was asked how she had enjoyed herself. “Oh.” she said primly, “they kept on fetching him back till he sang his songs properlv.”

To Go With It.—Cave-man Husband (sternly, to wife who has been shopping) : “What do you want with a new frock?”

His Wife (happily) : “How thoughtful of you, darling! Of course I’d like a new hat with it.”

Knows His Business. —“ls he a good rabbit dog?” inquired the hunter, after inspecting the animal. “I’ll say he is!” the dealer replied with pride. “You should have seen the way he went after my wife’s new sealskin coat!”