These Men of Action

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 628, 3 April 1929, Page 9

These Men of Action

(By HINHINNICK) QJIR HUBERT WILKINS, the wellknown Arctic explorer. Is conducting active inquiries into the possibility of making a submarine trip across the Arctic Sea to study the ocean depths and currents.—News item. I wonder what they’ll think of next.

Mr. Henry Gerkins. the eminent “siffleur,” who is contemplating the feasibility of rolling across the floor of the Atlantic Ocean in a bass drum: "It has been the ambition of my life since I first thought of the idea in 1873,” said Mr. Gerkins to an interviewer. "At the same time, I can get scientific proof of my theory that it is possible, under certain circumstances, to whistle loudly while under great pressure. The field for research in that direction is practically unlimited, and, in any case,” concluded Mr. Gorkin, briskly, "I have never yet wet my whistle in the Atlantic Ocean." Mr. Gerkin is at present endeavouring to obtain a Government subsidy to purchase a suitable bass drum.

Dr. O. Gurgle, the famous biologist, whose intention it is to attempt a voyage of the Polar seas in the interior of a whale. His object is purely scientific, in that he believes it possible to obtain sufficient data to enable him to draw a graph indicative of the sensations experienced by the average sardine during the process of being digested under Arctic conditions.

Professor A. Topbottom, the wellknown scientist, who proposes to journey to the moon and back on a push bicycle in order to make a comprehensive study of the arithmetical tables from a relative point of view. “I have long held that these tables are obsolete,” said the Professor in an interview. "The object of my Journev. which will take anything up to 20u years, is to establish that twice three is seven and three times two is five.”

Mr. B. C. Twiddle, M.P., who is preparing to undertake a journey to Hades and back in a bucket. Mr. Twiddle states that it is his desire to obtain first-hand information which will enable him to compile a treatise on “Industrial Unrest and Class Consciousness in the Nether Regions.” He intends to commence his descent as soon as he can find a hole deep enough and a suitable asbestos bucket to fit it.