Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 624, 28 March 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

Misa Anne Rutledge will answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is well fitted tor the task. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may, with confidence, write to Miss Rutledge , whose knowledge ivill be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

INDEPENDENCE CRITICISED

Dear Miss Rutledge,— Most of my life has been spent serving my brothers and sister, now grown up and married. I am now middleaged and have a little capital. Recently the opportunity came for me to go into business, and because I have longed for such a chance ever since I cau remember, 1 jumped at it. Now, my family do nothing but criticise my venture to the extent of trying to rob me of my confidence. I know that I shall be very successful, but the constant “wet-blanket” advice is undermining my health and energy. My family think that I should still go on obliging them in different, forms of service. Is there anything that l can do? READER. ANSWER There is most certainly something that you can do, and It' you have any backbone, you will do it pretty quickly! Strike out for yourself! Live your own life! Serving one's family is a most fruitless proposition. It. is seldom rewarded by gratitude or with money. It is pathetic to see good-hearted women give up their own opportunities to help out selfish married relatives and their families, only to become practically penniless and treated as a burden in old age, by the very people who should be full of thanks. A life of sacrifice is all too soon forgotten; in fact, if you give up your present favourable chance, you nmy find that your family will come to look upon you as the family failure ANNE RUTLEDGE.

ENSLAVED BY BUSINESS

Dear Miss Rutledge,— Is it possible for a man to work very hard, for long hours, as well as get some real enjoyment out of life? I crave success, and am on the right road to win it, but at the same time, unless I keep my nose well to the grindstone, things go wrong. I am sorely in need of relaxation and a change, but I am afraid to “let go of the reins.” Can you suggest a remedy ? J.K. ANSWER. Unless you are a poor organiser, it is the effect of your fear that causes things to go wrong, when you leave your business for a while. Have you got a competent understudy? Don’t think that you are indispensable, for it has been well said that nobody is indispensable. If the success you crave is merely a big business and plenty of gold, you had better look around at the spectacle of many wealthy middle-aged men miserably struggling for good health, or chasing the lost youth that was so eagerly sacrificed at the altar of success. It is not uncommon to find such men going to almost absurd lengths to fight that word “oldage.” Make sure first, that the success you want is worth the price. I suggest that you secure the services

of a capable assistant, and go in for j reasonable outdoor exercise and games j which will keep you fit for business. Long ; hours indoors usually reduce efficiency. Healthy mental and physical exercise will help to stimulate and give you the necessary encouragement to “carry' on” normally until you reach your goal. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

UNSETTLED BY JEALOUSY

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am engaged to a doctor, a woman’s specialist, and l care for him very much. Unfortunately, I don’t like his calling, as I cannot bear the thoughts of numbers of women going to his professional rooms all day long. I, too, am a professional woman, and in the building where I have my office, I note the numbers of women visiting dentists and doctors. When I read and hear so much about divorce and breach of promise, 1 realise that women’s emotions are far too unsettled. Am I likely to be at all happy when I eventually do marry my fiance ? __ A.L. ANSWER If you continue to foster such jealous thoughts, I certainly don’t think that you will be at all happy. In fact, if you continue to allow suspicious thoughts of any kind to dominate your better nature, you will not be happy with any man. Instead of trying to keep women out of your fiance’s rooms, you should think of his business, and bring as many as possible to assist his prosperity. Let sunshine in upon your thoughts, and have sense enough to realise that a -.loctor is in no more danger of foolish love affairs than the average man. For the sake of your future happiness, I recommend that you give your mental apparatus a good spring cleaning, and feel grateful that your fiance is a busy doctor. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

WINTER LONELINESS

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am 21 years of age, considered good-looking and dress quite well; and am of a bright and companionable nature, but I have a very lonely life. I am passionately fond of dancing, but I never meet any young men wlio would offer to escort me to dances, and I hate the thought of putting in another long winter, the same as the previous ones; and would like you to give me some advice on how I might get a little attention from the opposite sex. MARIGOLD. ANSWER It would appear that you lack the opportunity to meet eligible young men. Sometimes, when opportunity does not knock at onp’s door, it is a good plan to go out and seek it. Why not join a good tennis club next season? Another suggestion is to become a member of the local literary society where play readings are given, and good books discussed. Perhaps you should take up amateur theatricals—rehearsals for which provide plenty of fun, and throw the young people much together. Isn’t there a social club sponsored by the church to which you belong? Regarding friendship, remember the “tight hand” does not deserve to receive anything really worthwhile, therefore cultivate the idea of rendering good and cheery service to those around you. Do not be stiff or unduly reserved, as life is too short. Make it your business to know all about the characters of people with whom you want to be friendly. ANNE RUTLEDGE

MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

Dear Miss Rutledge.— I look eagerly for your "Chats" from week to week, and hope you will j now be able to help with my problem. I am 24 years old. and live at home with my mother and three older sisters who have good positions in the city. I am doing very well in business, and have splendid prospects. For a very considerable period, I have contributed liberally at home. Last month, I became engaged to a charming girl, three years older than 1 am, whom I have known for seven j years, although our courtship only | commenced a year ago. She has a | good position, and earns over £5 a | week. Naturally we want to marry as soon as possible, but I want to do the fair thing by my family. My sisters actively oppose the engagement, and simply won’t meet my fiancee, who is upset over their attitude, caused perhaps because they resent my proposed marriage which would deprive the household of my contribution, and make it difficult for them to carry on. As I have very little capital, what do you suggest? N CONSIDERATE. ANSWER Your sisters are foolish. Your problem, in a greater or lesser degree, is experienced by many young men, and must be faced carefully, with the determination to do what is right and honourable. You have a responsibility toward your mother, but that should not stille your legitimate marital aspirations. Do not rush at marriage, for in the ordinary course of events, you will be a long time in the married state. Although reasonable capital create? a comfortable feeling, it is not usually necessary to wait until you have amassed a small fortune. Many modern youngpeople carry on working after marriage for a time, according to circumstances, chiefly to accumulate a desired “nest egg." Tf your fiancee is agreeable to this policy, you could no doubt contribute sufficiently toward your mother’s support after marriage, and such an arrangement would help you to hear the wedding bells earlier than otherwise. Remember that your mother will not always be with you, and regrets afterwards do not help much. ANNE RUTLEDGE. BRIEF ANSWERS TO OTHER CORRESPONDENTS “Freckled,” Auckland: I strongly advise you to bathe your face, upon retiring, with sour milk. Also, after being out in the open for any length of time, use cucumber. Slice a little and put it into a saucer of milk and allow to soak for several hours. Bathe your face with the milk, and very carefully massage your skin with the slices of cucumber. Allow to dry and remain on the face for about half an hour. Wash pff with warm water, and take a small piece of ice and gently massage your face (upward movement) for five minutes. In about a month you should notice a change. ANNE RUTLEDGE. “Puzzled,” Auckland: Madame is the original French appellation for a married woman—a title of respectful address. If a person is unmarried and wishes to assume the title, they are at liberty to do so, but I consider Mademoiselle equally charming. ANNE RUTLEDGE.