Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 618, 21 March 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

M\se Anne Rutledge trill answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller , she is well fitted far the task. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may, with confidence, write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand In need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

A MOTHER’S OBJECTION

Dear Miss Rutledge.— I am 22 years old, and love a charming girl of 19 who certainly likes me in return Her mother doesn’t like me, and is taking her daughter for a trip to Honolulu. She expressed the hope that her daughter might meet some fine young man during the holiday. I feel rather squashel, but would put a bolder face on the matter only for the fact that, owing to some "hard luck,” 1 haven’t much ’money, and my position at business is not advanced or well paid yet. However, the manager recently told me that I had ability and should do well when more experienced. I have been spending most of my evenings with this girl, and don’t want to lose her. Can you make any suggestions? C.D. ANSWER Don’t waste your time. First of all, although it is pleasant and healthy to have friends, your serious attention should be given to developing a worthwhile business career. As you progress at business, your perspective of things generally will change. Past happenings that seemed undeserved and disastrous will appear as “blessings In disguise.” Always, when considering any problem, lift your mind out of the swirling material maze, and frankly ask yourself: “What is right?”—and do the rignt thing. You will meet many more line girls or women, especially as you seek, develop, and reflect wisdom and nal %-^ at J s yours - In good time ,'ou can think of marriage with a clarity rf-iT 1 ? 1 ?! 71 comes to those who have faithfully followed their star into the ascendant So don’t worry or fret over mother* that don’t want you, or girls that a?e be- : yond your reach—as yet. Just hang on !f° y° ur star and enjoy living, with the knowledge that you have volir part to i ° lay ; ~ [ - et your thoughts dwell on the j word patience.” J . ANNE RUhT-EDGK. THE PROFESSIONAL GIRL , Dear Aliss Rutledge,— Do you think that a very clever girl should marry? For some time now, I have been in love with a charming girl of 25 who is unusually gifted. I hesitate about proposing to her because only through great effort on her part has she been able to achieve success. Her present earnings are substantial, and it will not. be long before the marketable talent that she possesses brings her real fame. I am still at the struggling stage, ; though my prospects are bright for a ; good future. Aly friend is very fond of children and home life, but if we married, it would be necessary for her , to be content with plain living for the next five years at least.

Ts it fair for me to expect such a sacrifice from the girl? I feel that she might agree to marriage if I allowed her to carry on Avith her profession, but somehow I don’t like to think of her working after marriage. What do you advise? RANK AND FILE.

ANSWER Marriage brings out the best and the worst in each of us, therefore only under the test of the years would it be possible to discover the most desirable “niche” for your friend to fill. Real genius is very rare, and when a girl is at, say, the best marriageable age, 22 to 27, and most susceptible to the entanglements of romance, she has not really had a fair chance to test her own strength. A really successful marriage means a home radiating love and trust, and ringing with the happy laughter of healthy children. Such homes are the foundation of great empires, and unless women are content to fulfil their destiny in life, the race will become decadent. Modern conditions demand that women understand cooking, ironing, manual Avork, and the bearing of children. These tasks are by no means easy, but there are compensations. Home life is passing many by. Yet man seems powerless, and who is going to fill woman’s rightful sphere if this greater emancipation among the women continues? So, proceed carefully. The marriages of really great professional women are seldom a success. Such a woman usually controls the purse strings, and this, to begin Avith, irritates most men. Your only chance for real matrimonial happiness will come if the girl you love is content to be a real wife. > ANNE RUTLEDGE.

MISTY WIND SCREENS Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am constantly troubled by misty wind screens when out driving in the country. Can you tell me if there is any remedy for same? LADY DRIVER. AN SWEII A small quantity of glycerine rubbed over the glass, after the Avind shield has been cleaned. will keep it clear from mistiness through all weather. ANNE RUTLEDGE. MATURITY AND YOUTH Dear Miss Rutledge,— As a regular reader of The Sun 1 would like your opinion on the follow--1 mg: A young man, aged 22, has fallen in lo\ r e with a friend of mine. She is | 25, though she does not look her age. He thinks that age does not matter ; in the least, and Avlslies to marry her. He had girl friends of his own age I before they met, so that it is not a case of first love with him. Aly friend is quite sure that she could be happy with the young man in question, but the difference in their ages Avorries her. Kindly let me know what you think? B.M.K. A N .S' WE R Generally speaking, I think that it is a mistake for a man to marry a woman who is 13 years older than he is. However, one must remember that there are exceptions to every rule, and one man, ' through force of circumstances, might feel fully justified to act in a way that to another man might be almost suicidal. ■ | Be ihat as it may, the fact remains | that as the years pass changes that can--1 j not to be avoided must be faced. At pres--1 ent your friend does not look her age,

but when she is and her husband only f 32, what then? Will she feel at a phv- j sical disadvantage, or will she still feel youthful and full of vigour and vitality 1 as her husband undoubtedly will. On the other hand, she must haA'e some particular charm of say, mind or person to so make her age of little J account. Perhaps her youthful admirer ; cares for her because of her fine char- \ acter. She may be a brilliant conversationalist, and her animation contagi- i ous. Then, again, she may be wealthy, • or perhaps she is the type with the i maternal instinct well to the fore, and j the young man may enjoy being mothered. I have met many charming women in their forties who proved much more delightful and alluring than any girl in her twenties, and when it comes to taking care of a man, giA'e me the older woman every time! But your friend wants to be very sure of the character of the young man. Twenty-two is not always the most stable age. and young men can be quite inconsistent upon occasions. T advise her to think things over very carefully. I think that her chance for happiness would have been greater if the young man 1 had been even a few years older. After I all, he is little more than a youth.

FOR BRIDGE PLAYERS In the towns we have our bridge clubs, where a rubber is usually to be had at any time, but in country places we are dependent on those of our friends Avho are enterprising enough to give little bridge parties occasionally.

The suggestion of a private bridge = club is usually taken up with en- : thusiasm, and it becomes a very || popular institution with the members, j == who sacrifice other engagements to == keep their weekly bridge club after- =e noon quite free. == Such a club is easily organised if = the membership is strictly limited |= among a few friends who are keen = players. == Subscriptions need not enter into == the club arrangements. Liabilities ;g{ may be shared, instead. Those of I== the members who ha\'e rooms in their == houses large enough to accommodate =s the number of card tables required =E at meetings may undertake to enter- |= tain the club once each during the == winter session. Others not so situated EE may contribute card tables, packs of =E cards and markers to the general use; =| while cakes and other refreshments ~ for the club meeting teas are provided in turn by the rest. j == One afternoon a week is usually j=E enough for those who have bridge |j| parties and other engagements as = well. The day most convenient to the =' majority of members is fixed, and at == the inaugural meetings of the club = the full list of dates and places of s= assembly can be drawn up for their j = reference, and everyone’s personal == contribution decided. = It is, of course, ineA r itable that the == players Avill sort themselves into == groups, the better players always to- =

gether at one table, the less experienced at another. To introduce an element of variety into this procedure a bridge drive once a, month might be introduced, with prizes to be Avon offered by members.