FROM THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 596, 23 February 1929, Page 8

FROM THE WATCH TOWER

By “THE LOOK-OUT MAN.” THE FIREMAN'S LAMENT ‘‘He can’t keep away from a fight,” said Sub-Inspector McCarthy of a fireman charged at the Police Court yesterday. He was stripped to the waist when arrested. I've got me cave-man ways, I 'as, I likes me bit of biff, An' any bloke wot interferes — I promptly knocks 'ini stiffIt’s not as 'ow I’m nasty like, An’ chased by funny spooks, But when the mood is on me I've gotten use me dooks. I picks a likely cove, yer see. An’ calls 'im somethin’ not too sweet, An’ if 'e’s any sort of man, We starts a ding-dong in the street. I takes me top-gear off, yer know, FincLin ’ some’ow that is best, An’ then I whirls vie arms abort, An’ tries to put that guy at rest. But there ain’t no real ’arm in me — I only likes me bit o’ fun. Yet Johns are always buttin’ in To put a joker on the run. THE FIGHTING ARMY Salvation Army headquarters announces that there is a special fund to pay the cost of litigation. ‘‘Blood and Fire” apparently have been expected. NEW LAND FOR AMERICA Commander Byrd has been claiming new territory for the United States. It is pretty certain that there won’t be much competition for it among the real estate agents. PLUMBERS IN DEMAND

Bursting pipes following the frosts and thaw have made plumbers the most-sought persons in London. It would serve humourists right if the nohle members of the Plumbing Guild refused to serve those vfho have joked about them.

DIFFERENT DREADS Leading English brewers are said to be taking out insurance policies against the possibility of Prohibition. In America it is said that bootleggers are taking out policies against the repeal of the Volstead Act. VALUE OF VOTES Speaking at the Lyceum Club, London, Miss Maude Hoyden said that Australians and New Zealanders had told her that the women had done nothing with the vote. They’ve only used it, and perhaps they are being chided for not exploiting its commercial possibilities. If legends be true, that’s the only other use a vote has. * * » FOOTBALL DEFINITIONS With the passage of a month or two, football will be in season again, and it may be timely to think over some of the Rugby definitions given in “London Calling”:— Rugby Football: A game designed to obtain the maximum amount of fun out of a series of bodily injuries. The Scrum: A free fight organised to decide which side shall possess the ball. A Tackle: A legal assault with intent to commit bodily harm. The Ball: An egg-shaped leathercovered balloon. When this ball hits the ground it bounces in the direction than a squint-eyed man is looking.

MOTORS AT NORFOLK In a recent Australian Commonwealth Gazette, 11 pages are occupied by an ordinance for the regulation of motor-cars and other vehicles at Norfolk Island. There are so few motor-cars on the island that it appears to be a real case of “Much Ado About Nothing.” IRISH TROUBLES RECALLED Memories of an old controversy will be stirred by the announcement of the death of General Sir John Maxwell, who commanded the English forces in Ireland in 1916. The rising, which took place in Easter Week, surprised the authorities, and it was several days before troops, marshalled by Maxwell, forced surrender of the leaders of the rebellion at the Dublin Post Office. Taking the retributive measures he considered necessary. Maxwell ordered the execution of 16 leaders. Subsequent debate showed that there were conflicting opinions as to the desirability of this action. The men had certainly been guilty of armed rebellion, and were liable to summary punishment, but other more diplomatic thought considered that imprisonment of the rebels would have been less provocative of further trouble. This was the course followed after Ireland had been shocked bg the first batch of executions*