Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 594, 21 February 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Ruttedge

l + Miss Ai*ne Rutledge will answer Letters in this column every Thursday An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is well fitted tor the task. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may, with confidence xcrite to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office

HESITANT Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am thirty years of age, and a great friend of mine has asked me to marry him. I am hesitating, as many marriages in my circle do not seem to work out well, especially in the lack of courtesies that were observed during the days of courtship. I could not bear a matrimonial failure, and your advice would be appreciated. H.S. ANSWER One of the chief reasons why both men and women are disillusioned with matrimony is because they look for the impossible—perfection. They expect too much of each other. They imagine that they have made a mistake in their choice, and have failed to get their real soulmate. We cannot live all the time on a pinnacle. We must keep on a practical, even keel. Marriage requires work, intelligence;, patience and courage to make it a success. Before marriage a man is always assuring the girl of his choice that he loves her, but the assurances dwindle in number after leaving the altar, not because love has always evaporated, but because he has married her as proof of his affection. To be continually declaring his love would be to say the obviou%, just like telling her every day that he an honest The same is true of the girl. She doesn’t feel that she has to be always looking her best to keep his love. No girl could be expected to look as if she had “stepped out of a band-box’’ after she had been up half the night with a teething baby. So. my friend, if your lover is a good-living and a good-natur«d fellow, embark upon the sea of matrimony —and learn to be a good sailor. ANNE RLJTLEDGE “THOSE CERTAIN PARTIES” Dear Miss Rutledge,— Having noticed your helpful replies in The Sun newspaper, I feel that you will be able to give me some advice, too. My husband is a musician, and has a studio in town, where I have reason to believe that he forgets his responsibilities. He resents my mentioning anything about his behaviour, and often becomes quite morose and stubborn after I have objected. This sJate of affairs cannot continue betlien us for ever. Please suggest some course of action. WIFEANSWER If you still feel any affection for your husband, and think it worth while, I suggest that you make plans along the following lines. Arrange to drop in upon him at the studio unexpectedly daily; take pains to let his friends know that you are his wife and the mother of his children; give somebody else charge of your household so that your husband knows that you, too, have time for play. He may just be going through a phase of life difficult to analyse, and a little patience may win the day. Again, have you thought that perhaps he has fallen a victim to some unscrupulous member of “the gold-digging sisterhood?” In this case, vou had better adopt a standard of

ilving that will effectually prevent your husband from having spare cash to spend outside the family. Don’t play “second fiddle,’’ and banish any thought of compromise. If lie doesn't come to heel, get away from his vicinity. Let him miss you. But, like any other medicine, absence has to be regulated judiciously, and generally speaking it is more effective when administered in accordance with the “make-up” of the subject. Be optimistic. Storm clouds do not necessarily mean rain. ANNE RUTLEDGE. FAMILY TREES Dear Miss Rutledge,— At an early age I was adopted by an aunt on my father’s side, who, although not a woman of means, has a large heart and is always doing all in her power to give me a good time. My relatives, on my mother’s side, are snobbish and well to do. Now that I am of age, they want to introduce me to families of social standing. Recently, at quite a large party, I made a faux pas, and was severely criticised by the hostess. Afterwards my aunt, kindly sympathetic, told me that I would be amazed if I knew about this woman’s earlier struggles. It seemed so very ridiculous to think of such “airs,” and I’d rather keep out of so-called society. But my aunt insists that it will give me a greater opportunity of finding a husband, and is determined tha,t I shall meet people. What are your views on this matter? Do you think a man really cares about a gild’s standing if he is fpnd of her? TWENTY-ONE. ANSWER

I think that your aunt’s ideas are quite in line with the modern tendency to “keep up with the Joneses,” and if you go into society with your eyes and ears well open, I am sure that your education will benefit. But, prepare to be disillusioned. Don’t expect any more of people who move in society than you would of the average man or woman in the street. Furthermore, you will meet many people too cowardly to acknowledge, in any way, the “sap of their family tree.” Then, too you will meet the social climber, and you will be amazed to what length such people will go to secure coveted invitations. So be prepared! In numbers of cases such friends are only “fair weather” acquaintances when the value of their friendship is put to the acid test. But “a man is what he does,” as Bernard Shaw recently remarked, and herein lies the solution to your problem. When in Rome, don’t follow the crowd. Don’t submerge your personality because of a craze, or a whim, or somebody else’s opinion. Furthermore, there are good and bad in every walk of life—one has to be a “good mixer” to find this out! You may be charmed and happy to have social standing once you get your “bearings.” Last, but not least, I can assure you that if a man really loves a girl for herself alone, he doesn’t care a sou about her social standing. Many a wealthy girl laments the fact that she has fewer suitors, and fewer opportunities to wed than her poorer sisters, and you don’t have to look very far to find out that the majority < men prefer a girl who is entirely dependent upon their efforts for a livelihood. ANNE RUTLEDGE. A NURSE’S VOCATION Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am. 19 years of age, and have always desired to be a nurse. I have had no experience in nursing and naturally wonder whether I would be suitable. Please advise me if I should seek admission to a hospital as a trainee. DOUBTFUL. ANSWER The first thing to be considered is your health. You must have an iron constitution and a very cheerful disposition before taking up the nursing profession. You must also be prepared to spend seven or eight long hours at a stretch at work —often on your feet—attend to disagree-

able, revolting tasks that will make you soul-sick and weary, and display patience ! under the strictest discipline at all times, j In my opinion, a good nurse is a most I wonderful woman, and the nursing pro- I fession is not sufficiently recognised in ; the public esteem or in the matter of salary, except in such countries as the ; U.S.A. If you feel fitted for the profession, go ahead by all means, as suffering humanity j I needs the help of worthy young women who can forsake the “feather bed” for a life of real service. ANNE RUTLEDGE. TO SHAKE HANDS—OR NOT? Dear Miss Rutledge,— | With regard to leave-taking at a teaI party. Can you tell me if it is sufficii ent to make a formal bow to people 1 one has met for the first time? L. | A N S 'WE R i Yes, a bow i.s sufficient. The only occasion on which shaking hands would supplant it would be if you discovered some very intimate friends at the party. ANNE RUTLEDGE. GLAD EYES BY A WOMAN CHEMIST. Though we may deprecate what giddy young people call the glad eye, we must confess that we all deserve it. The glad eye is the bright and sparkling one; the dull eye Is unattractive, no matter how beautiful its J colouring may be. Something is . wrong, and, in consequence, the eye • is out of order. _ Although eyes vary ■ both in colour, and in the depth of “ their expression, all have some good ; points which would be more pronounced if care were taken of them.

In spite of the fact that the eyes are extremely Important, frequently, they receive little attention. Neglect accounts for many defects, Including those that detract from beauty. The eye is the index to the liver; if the eye has lost its sparkle, probably the cause is too heavy a diet, or insufficient exercise. It is useless to expect lotion to improve matters; the owner’s general health requires attention.

Many a pretty face is spoilt because the eyes always look so tired; they have no sparkle, and add years to the appearance. Frequently the tired look is because glasses are needed, or if glasses are worn, it may mean that they require to be changed. Possibly, in the first place, they were not correct.

Many eyes are strained because the light is not switched on directly the daylight fails, and reading, writing or needlework is pursued In a dim atmosphere. Constant headaches are often a signal that tlie eyes need attention; and if a girl finds that she has an unconscious habit of screwing up her eyes when she is using them, there, again is another signal that all Is not well.

When working, it is best to sit where the light falls upon the work, whatever it he, and not directly upon the eyes. When the days lengthen, and It no longer means getting up in tlie dark, then Is the time to remember that the bed should never face the light; otherwise the last few hours of slumber it will be full 'Upon the closed lids, and this should not be.

To keep the eyes healthy, nothing is better, than to bathe them every day with boracic acid lotion, or even with plain water. An eye bath is the most satisfactory method of using a lotion. Milk without any preservative in it, is excellent for the eyes. When the whites are blood-shot, warm weak tea is a good remedy; it must be poured off the leaves after It. has stood for one minute, and used when It has cooled down. This is an old world remedy brought up to date by using it warm instead of cold. Tea may be warmed up whenever it is wanted for use, but must not be used when it has been made more than 12 hours.

Nothing should ever be done to improve the growth of the eyelashes, for in doing so, there is risk of damaging the eyes.