Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 570, 24 January 1929, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

AJlai Ann e tint lady 9 will answer letters in this column evert/ Thursday. An accomplished writer, an arden feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she tcell jit ted for the task. Those tcho have problems and lack a conflcante to help in their solution map. t zith confidence write to Miss Rutleige, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand <ti need of assistance Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUX office.

THE DANGER LINE pear Mina Rutledge,— I am a married man living quite happily with. my wife and small family, but I have a problem that is troubling me. A friend we have Known all our lives, a single woman of good education, the same age as my wife and myself (37 years) is the cause of my present anxiety. I now find that this friend, who is all that i s good and admirable, *is closer to us than ever before. When she visits our house I take her home afterwards, and we are becoming so attached to one another that I find myself wanting to stay at her gate longer than is necessary. She has no male friends other than myself, and is not goodlooking. so that it is not a pretty face that is attracting me. I don’t like this affection creeping in, as I am sure it will lead to danger. Kindly advise me how to continue in the future, without hurting my friend’s feelings. FRIEND. answer You are wise to take note of the danger line, and if you are a man of honour, will fight shy of entanglements. You have a faithful wife who is the mother of your children, and you say that you are happily married. What

r. or ,? can y ? u cl€> Many a friendship, stai ting as innocently as yours, has afterwsrnls furnished grist fur the divorce mill simply because the man has drifted. Men who turn away from tine wives to marry some other woman, nearly always regret it, and I could tell you of cases that have come to my notice where the wayward husband has confessed that ho was disillusioned, and that it was .just a passing infatuation! Only two days ago, a man wrote me a letter full of regrets about his past wife and family, and wound up saying: “Oh, if only 1 had realised that forty is the dangerous age, and been a little less susceptible to the nattering attentions of other women, what untold misery and suffering it would have saved us all!” \ou say that your friend is all that is good and admirable. Well, I should like to get a mental close-up of the lady before altogether agreeing with you. A woman who is a loyal, true friend to both a husband and wife, would scorn to keep the husband as long as he dared stay, at her gate. Perhaps she is merely lonely or in love with being in love. Some women bordering on forty who are without husband or child, get very panicky at the thought of so continuing to the end of their days, and any man, whether married or single, is better than none m their eyes. Tn future, when your friend is entertained by your wife and yourself in your home, do all in your power to keep your wife in the foreground, even to the extent of insisting that she join you .when tho lady is accompanied to her gate. Your friend will then know intuitively that you are too honourable to-encourage what may become a clandestine loveaffair, and will respect you the more for your actions. If her feelings are hurt, it is better that she should suffer than your wife. ANNE RUTLEDGE. NO VIOLENT DECLARATIONS Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am 40, my fiancee is 37. We have known each other for many years, and always been very good friends, our tastes in every way being similar. We have been engaged for four months. I now feel that I am not really in love with her, although of course I am very attached to her. I am not sure that she is in love with me. In the eir-

cumstances do you think we have a reasonable chaunec of being happy if we marry ? S.H. .1 x-sivi:/;. Surely when you became engaged there must have been real affection felt and expressed. Being- in love doesn’t mean that “sweet nothings” must be handed out every day and on every occasion. Many people, are naturally shy at saying the appropriate thing and their quiet devotion speaks instead of words. I know many fine married men and women who dislike wearing “their heart on their sleeve,’’ but who are deeply attached to one another. It is quite evident by your attachment to your fiancee, that in seeking happiness you are not chasing the rainbow. Also, when people have so much in eomj mon, they are not likely to quarrel as many very ardent lovers do. I suggest j that you courteously and frankly explain i y our ideas to your fiancee, and ask her if ! she cares enough for you to marry you. !If the reply is in the affirmative, your lot should be lastingly happier than those whose marriages are preceded by silly vapourings, or, merely the “right thing to say” for the occasion. ANNE RUTLEDGE. THE DIM PAST I Dear Miss Rutledge,— i I have been married for three years j and during that time of j hand loved before, have reached me from time to time. It seems that 'this girl jilted my husband, and for three years before I met him, lie still fretted over her. When I first entered his life, he was a sick man, and l can assure you it has been no easy matter to get him back to normal health as well as to help stimulate his interests. We have been very happy together,- hut when I listen to the snatches of gossip concerning my husband’s love affair, I feel consumed with jealousy. The other day my husband informed mo that this girl had returned and was visiting in the neighbourhood with her husband. I could tell by his eyes that he was just delighted at thoughts of seeing her again, and find that he has invited both of them to call. I feel terribly uncertain as to the best course of action to take. Shall l openly oppose my husband and refuse to receive this girl, or shall I pretend not to be hurt and receive her with dignity? It would not matter quite so much, if she were not very beautiful. She is also well read and has also travelled a great deal. I am plain and domesticated, hut very anxious to do the right thing. CAROLINE. ANSWER, Most people have many love affairs before they meet the right mate. In after lifo they thank Heaven, very frequently, that they were spared reaping the harvest of early folly. There is a Jack for every Jill, and undoubtedly your husband knows full well that, mentally and spiritually, you are superior to the other girl. Of course he is pleased to see his old friend. Put yourself ill tho same position!

Another word of advice if you would keen your husband's affection. > ? ur forth vour own. instead of entertaining thoughts of irritating him. Never en- ! courage small or jealous thoughts. Eni deavour rather to cultivate a mutual m- | terehange of confidence and understandjnrr Make yourself indispensable to vour husband. Don't stop love-making because the wedding ceremony took place tln-ee vears ago. Flatter him, cook him nice meals and go gadding with ham. If vou follow this course. I'll wager that unless he's a born philanderer, you v ill hold him against TLEDGE . HATS IN LIFTS Dear Miss Rutledge,— "The girl friend” and I were recently in a lift together, and because I did not remove my hat she afterwards rebuked me, accusing me of bad manners. We are still on estranged terms as we both think that we are in the right. I am anxious to effect a reconciliation and your advice might help. JOHN. A NBWJ3R. The average lift is a public conveyance such as a train or a tram, therefore it is quite unnecessary for a man to remove his fiat. On the other hand, some women when travelling in lifts, feel it a gesture of courtesy to which they are still entitled, and look for a man to remove his hat. However, as it is one of the little things that seem to count with your friend, it would be quite good diplomacy for you to remove your hat when in a lift with her in future. It is too small a thing to quarrel over, so give in good-humoredly. ANNE RUTLEDGE. USEFUL BRAN! Dear Miss Rutledge,— Kindly tell me how to wash coloured fancy work and cretonne so that the colour will not run. G.P. AXSWER Put about six tablespoons of bran into a cloth and tie loosely. Put it into a saucepan containing one quart of water. Bring it slowly to the boil and press the bag with a spoon so that the bran starch is loosened. Simmer for aboyt twenty minutes, and pour off. Half bran water and half fresh warm water, with a little soap jelly, will wash fancy work or cretonne beautifully. There is no need to rup, just squeeze and the dirt will fall away. Rinse in clean warm bran water. Spread in a towel and allow to remain for about an hour. Iron the goods while still wet. ANNE RUTLEDGE. ANSWER TO J.S. Massage your scalp thoroughly two or three times weekly with equal parts of olive oil and castor oil. Allow this to remain overnight and in the morning make a fairly weak solution of some disinfectant fluid and wash and rinse the head thoroughly. In the most obstinate cases I have never known this to fail. ANNE RUTLEDGE.