A JEST OR TWO

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 544, 22 December 1928, Page 25

A JEST OR TWO

Ki-Yi-Yi!—“With whom was your wife quarreling last night?” “Oh—er—she was scolding the dog." “Poor beast—X heard her threaten to take the front-door key away from him.” Played No Favourites.—He was looking for a quiet place to park his car, and seeing a side street, turned into it, put the brake up. and was walking off when a policeman appeared. “You can’t leave your caa- there.” “Why not? It’s a quiet spot.” ' I tell you you can’t leave it there.” “But, my good man, it’s a cul-Ue-sae.” “I don’t care if it’s a Rolls-Royce; out with it.”

Wants What He Wants.—A man is that large irrational creature who is always looking: for home atmosphere in an hotel and hotel service around the house. Call the Bogy Man.—Receiver of Stolen Goods (to dissatisfied burglar): “Oh, you don’t believe these scales is correct, don’t you. Well, you just fetch along the inspector of weights and measures’”

Joys of Self-Sacrifice.—“Husbands should share the housework with theix wives,” says u woman’s paper. We despise those selfish husbands who want to do it all themselves. The Futile Hint. —She was a good wife in most ways, but she had one great failing. Never could she be persuaded to sew a button on for him. At" last he made up his mind to see what effect sarcasm would have upon her. “Oh, by the way, my dear,” he said, when she was about to go out shopping next, “you might get mo some needles and thread, will you?” She turned to him with a benevolent smile. “You silly, extravagant boy,” she cooed, “you can always borrow mine, you know.”

■kr d- vr rr r'A rr. Vr 4- rr y Ardent Pacifist.—Late one night the landlord of some flats was called up by a tenant who inquired: “Can a landlord interfere when a woman on the third floor quarrels with her husband and disturbs the neighbours at night?” • You are one of the neighbours?” the landlord asked. “No, I’m the husband.” * * * Just Wouldn't Help.—He was up for his university examination. It was well understood that he was “dumb” intellectually, but the powers that be were anxious to pass him, for he was a fine oarsman and was needed in the crew. “Just put down something,” pleaded his tutor. “Write down anything you can and we’ll get you through somehow or other.” And he left the pupil to it. The sturdy youth sat far an hour gazing at the virgin paper before him. Then in disgust or despair he scrawled the word “Dam” on the paper, and left the room. Later on his tutor came up to him i more in sorrow than in anger. “We can’t pass you.” he said glumly. I “You’ve spelled it wrong.”