HAPPY ADAM

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 520, 24 November 1928, Page 23

HAPPY ADAM

n't v -I- -It "I- rir -r. - r Simply Smothered. —'‘Maud is all wrapped up in herself." "Yes; It’s a pity she doesn't realise bow much she is overdressed.” * * , Presence of Mind. —Mother: ‘‘You Were a good girl not to throw your banana skins down in the train. Did you put them in your bag?” Joan: “No. X put them in the sentleman’s pocket who was sitting otxt to me!”

Whatever troubles Adam had. Eve never roused his ire By poking him when dead asleep To light the kitchen fire. Whatever troubles Adam had, He never caught a iiill When Eve presented v\ ith a smile Her millinery bill. Whatever troubles Adam had —And man to trouble’s born — His razor wasn’t called upon. To pare his partner’s corn. Whatever troubles Adam had. With one thing and another, One noble blessing he enjoyed. Eve couldn’l tell her mother.

—“Pearsons’ Weekly. Tho Age of Discretion. —The Right Hon. Walter Runciman. M.P., possesses a keen sense of humour, and his w *t and repartee have enlivened many f. noting inside and outside the House. During one election he was addresslns an audience on the question of alien Migration, when, in the course of his remarks, he made use of the phrase, discretion.” What is the age of discretion?” ine^ ecte d one of his listeners. * should say.” returned Mr. Runciwith the utmost gravity, “that 6 ag© of discretion is reached when * ytrnng man removes from his manteltJ*eces his rich collection of actresses’ otographs and substitutes the portof his well-to-do-aunt.” itrL—

Feverish Initiation.— “ Have you ever been osculated, dear?” “Yes, once for typhoid.” Please Forward. —“Do you know Lincoln's Gettyburg address?” "No, I didn’t even know he lived there.”

Haughty Hugging. —Father: “Why did you ignore that young fellow? I thought I saw you dancing with him last night.” Young Thing: “Oh, yes, I know him quite well to dance with, but not to speak to.”

To Show His Paces. —"Miss Dense, allow me to present Professor Smith. “Oh. professor, please do something absent-minded! ” . * * Vanished Souvenirs. —“My dear. I won t have a thing left if that laundress keeps on stealing things. This week it was two hotel towels.” * * * Whoopee! —Doctor: “I’m afraid 1 have bad news for you. You will never be able to work again.” College Student: “Whadda you mean, bad news?” # # * Well Known.—She: “Have you ever kissed a girl before?” He: “That’s my business! She: “Well, you certainly know your j own business! ” m Torture of Tantalus.— “ That’s what I call tough luck.” “What’s that?” „ I “I’ve got a cheque lor 40 aollaas, j and the only man in town that can : identify me is the one I owe fifty.” | * * * Quite So. —She: “No, George. 1 like you but I can never be your wife.” j lie (haughtily) : “Never mind. There j are others.” She: “I know there are. George. I accepted one this morning. Willing to Oblige. —Dietitian: “Yes. a. few lettuce leaves, without oil, and a glass of orange juice. There, madam. , that completes your daily diet. Mrs. Overweight: 'Thank sou so much, doctor, but do I take tins before or after meala?"

Not Quite. —John: I suppose you think I’m a perfect idiot? Molly: Oh, no; none of us are perfect * * * Modern Times. —Brown: Know anything about cars? Smith: Been mixed up a bit with them. Brown: Mechanic? Smith: No, pedestrian. * * * Among His Souvenirs. Smith: “How did you get those two black eyes?” Scrapp: “My wife gave me a pair of socks for my birthday.” * * * Nature Is So Careless. —Art Critic: “But the meadow on your picture hasn’t the right green.” Artist: “And are you sure that a meadow has the right g.reen?” * * * Fellow Feeling. —A Junction City young woman who collects antiques recently acquired a horse-hair chair, says “The Union,” and now she knows why her grandmother wore six petticoats. * * * In a Rosy Fog. —“ Next to a beautiful girl, what do you think is the most interesting thing in the world?” "When I’m next to a beautiful girl. I’m not worrying about statistics.” Afraid of Nothing. —“ Nurse, if you can’t keep the children quiet, send them to me and I will sing to them.” “But I have tried threatening them with that, ma’am.”

A Fool and His .—She: Mother says the man I marry must have more brains than money. He: That’s me: I’m broke! Knows His Old Man. Nurse: “Bobby! "What would your father say if lie saw you’d broken that branch off?” Bobby: “He’d say trees are not so well made now as they were before the war.” Or Turn Turtle?—An Atchison man tells “The Globe” that Lot’s wife had nothing on his wife; although the Atchison man’s wife has never turned into a pillar of salt; when she looks back, she turns into something —a telephone pole, another car, a ditch or something.

Wakeful Member— Mother: “Bobbie, is grandmother asleep?” Bobbie: “Yes. all except her nose.” * * * Child of the Soil.— “So your daughter speaks Esperanto.” “Yes, fluently, without accent, like a native.”

Waiting at the Church: “Mose, dey is one preachah in dis town dat’s pow’ful angry at me to-night.” “How come?,” “Ah done hired him to p’fawm de obsequies at mah weddin’, an’ Ah didn’t show up.” * rk- %%%%%%? & % %

rfc 7'K fix yfc r!- rfc rl? Useful Leverage. — “l just heard an awful story about your husband.” “Tell me. 1 need a new dress.” * * * Falling Down on the Job. —In twentyfour hours, it is said, one silkworm will produce material for a woman’s complete outfit. Silkworms, we hear, are getting lazier and lazier. * * * Identified. —First Farmer: “I’ve got a freak on my farm. It’s a two-legged calf.” Second Farmer: “I know. He came over to call on my daughter last night.” * * * Cockney Caresses. —“ Young Rose ’Awkins is goin’ abaht sayin’ you’re in lovo with ’er, ’Arry. Is that right?” “Gam! Don’t tike no notice of 'er! I may ’ave give ’er a clip or two over the ear, but that’s all there is in it!” Lady Bountiful. —Eloise is a dear girl who has decided to go in for welfare work. The other evening she came i home and said to her mother that she had made forty calls on poor people. “Do you mean to say you saw forty people in one afternoon?” “I didn't see them all, mother. At some places I left cards.” Garnering the Shekels.—Teacher: “Now, Bobbie, tell us when is the ha.rvest season?” Bobbie: “From May to September.” Teacher: “Why, Bobbie, I am surprised that you should name such barren months. Who told you they ‘were the harvest season?” Bobbie; “Dad; he’s a plumber.”