Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 518, 22 November 1928, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne RUTLEDGE

Miss Anoc Rutledge will answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer , an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller, she is t veil fitted for tht cask. Those u ho have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may, with confidence, write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

SPRING CLEANING Dear Miss Rutledge: Spring cleaning in our household i$ a season of confusion and uproar. There seems to be no end to the morning of furniture, the banging of carpets, the constant sweeping and dusting. I find my books all over the place, my wife irritable, the meals poor and my home anything but a “haven of rest.” Under ordinary circumstances, my wife is a wonderful housekeeper and cook, but spring cleaning upsets everything. This year, during the season of spring cleaning, I decided that it would considerably simplify matters if I kept away from home. My wife seriously objected to this, and ever since things have not been quite the same between us. As a matter of fact, no one enjoys a peaceful home environment more than I, but I think my wife should abolish these spring cleaning rites- for my sake. Do you agree? HARMONY. AN a WER You are making a mountain out of a molehill. To begin with, you had no right to keep away from your home unless your wife absolutely refused to go about her spring cleaning in a peaceful manner. I don’t wonder that her feelings are hurt. Possibly the poor woman believes that you are treating her very unjustly My advice to you is to get busy and set about giving your mind a good spring cleaning before you criticise so freely If men would only be diplomatic with their wives! If they would only praise their good qualities, instead of looking for the flaws in their make-up! Henpecking would be out of fashion and the divorce court obsolete. When you feel that you can deal with the problem in a considerate fashion, point out to your wife the futility of all the banging and moving of furniture. Far too much stress Is laid upon spring cleaning altogether. I am sure that you can gently persuade your wife to divide up her spring cleaning so that she takes it gradually and only one room is upset at a time. The wise husband is he who never tires of praising liis wife. He can enthuse over the way she has just done her hair; the new kind of house frock she has made A woman is mostly what her husband makes her. and the caressing habit is more endearing than the critical tongue ' ANNE RUTLEDGE. THE FAMILY ALBUM Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am in love with a man six years older than myself. VVe plan to be marned this year, making our home with his mother. His mother is elderly and .although very kind and sweet in many ways, has some quaint customs which irritate me, and naturally I am concerned about the prospects of future happiness in her home. Every day she insists on reading the Bible aloud for tully 10 minutes. Most of the rooms are hung with family portraits—ghosts of the past that frown or look smug, clad in the fashions of a by-gone age. Another habit of my prospective mother-in-law is to insist upon entertaining guests who happen to call, with an antiquated family portrait album. These- things constantly set me on edge, but our financial position makes it impossible for us. to start housekeeping separately. Can you suggest something to help matters? SEVENTEEN. ANSWER Climb down from the clouds and face the facts of life! 1 should think that a well-selected daily Bible reading would give you more wisdom and understanding. As for the family portraits, how would

you like to feel that one day your own child might treat your photograph or memory with disrespect or oblivion? Get down to realities if you are seriouslv thinking of marriage. Personally, I think you sound too irresponsible for such an undertaking. Why not postpone the wedding day until you can afford a home of vom- own, and thus save the embarrasstt** 'its that you mention? In the meantime, develop tolerance for those who are the characters in this life's final scene. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

GODPARENTS Dear Miss Rutledge,— I should like to know if it is necessary for a, child to have godparents: also, what their duties are at the christening ceremony? S.W. ANSWER Nowadays—in New Zealand, at all events—the necessity for a child to have godparents seems to be taken rather casually, and the custom has a tendency to become just a matter of form. This seems rather a pity, as it is a splendid thing for a growing child to know that somebody, besides its parents, is indirectly interested in its welfare and development. In selecting sponsors for their child, parents pay high tribute to the friends thus chosen. The godfather has little else to do except grace the christening ceremony with his presence. The godmother carries the infant to the altar and hands it to the clergyman when he is ready. ANNE RUTLEDGE. TRIANGLE , Dear Miss Rutledge.— Two and a-half years ago I was married to a man years older than myself. I say “was married to” because it was in accordance with the wishes of my parents who, both failing fast, did not want to leave me unprotected. « My husband has always been kind to me, helping about the house in a thousand-and-one little ways. Still I cannot love him—reallyLast March I met a man at a seaside resort. It did not take us long to find out that we had much in common—and our*- friendship soon afterwards developed into love. Without this man my life seems dull and empty. What would you advise me to do? DESPERATE. ANSWER Human beings can get most things they want, if they are prepared to pay the price, but if they should be incompetent shoppers in the Market of Life, they are likely to pay a price far exceeding the value of the article they desire to possess. It is quite apparent that jour parents wished your house to be built firmly on a rock foundation, when they selected a husband for you, and although I think parents have no right to choose life partners for their children, now that you are married to this sincere, kind man, your first duty is to him. I note also that you think only of your own happiness—not your husband’s. Let me tell you that good husbands, the kind you say you possess, are rare. From his point of view, he has been just a convenience by filling the role of ‘ protector’’ until you go off on a holiday. Suppose j our husband had fallen in love with somebody when away from you? How would you like that? Try to analyse your feelings in such a case. I think, too, that you are throwing away the substance for the shadow. Take it from we that when a man paj's court to another man’s wife, he hasn’t much real respect for her. Is he going to trust you verj' far, if you eventualljdo marry him? I think not. Besides, what do you really know about this man? Try to realise how much easier it is to “live with the devil you know’’ than the one who is almost a stranger to you. If you were free to enjoj r this grand passion with the man you mention, it would probably .burn itself out in a few months, and what does that count beside the companionship that your husband has already given you? Face the situation philosophically. If in the end you feel it impossible to go on and decide that you must live your own life as you wish, tell your husband the truth. ANNE RUTLEDGE.