A JEST OR TWO

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 508, 10 November 1928, Page 22

A JEST OR TWO

Early de Mi lie. —Guide—“lt is the oldest castle hereabouts.” Hollywood Tourist — ,r Yeh! What picture wae it built for?” i * * * Brilliant Career. "My mother will Ibe surprised when she gets my letter. I August* she used to say, ‘you are so , stupid that you will never get a job.’ ! and in the last montti I have had six!” -1- -E y ric v v ENOUGH TO DISPLISA There was a young lady of Pisa, Whose lover attempted to squisa, But she lost all her charm, When he said with alarm, “My goodness, how knobby your knisa!” -t- rir : I-r y y Gold Strike. —“ Have you heard that our friend Meyer has become rich at a single stroke?” “No. How did it happen?” “His rich uncle had a. stroke.” * * * Saving the Pieces. —“ Well, George.” said a country clergyman to an old man who sat by the" wayside breaking stones, “that pile doesn’t seem to get any less.” “No, Vicar,” replied the old man. “Them stones is like the Ten Commandments; yer can go on breakin* ’em, but yer can’t get rid of ’em.”

Sole of Her Foot. —First Doc.—“ You look worried.” Second Ditto —“I am. I have a very puzzling case. A flapper wants to be vaccinated and insists I vaccinate her where it won’t show.”

'C rk ~r. y'r. hr rtk ttc bir. Charm of Solitude. —“ One’s neighbour in Australia,” a friend writes, “often lives as much as twenty miles away.” In that country, when a man buys a lawn-mower, it practically becomes his own property.

Daily Snooze.—The human brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment we get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until we get to the office. Rooted Obligation.—Mistress —“You must exercise a little will power with him, nurse.” Nurse—“l do try to, mum. but you don’t know his won’t power.” LAZY POET TO HIS GAL You are a wonderful Marvellous gal, Ditto, etcetera And so forth et al. When the Fqr Flies.—Blinks —“Have you ever seen a prize-fight?” Jinks.—“No, Tv© never seen a prizefight, but I have looked in on a women’s afternoon bridge party.” • * * That Cozy Feeling.—Referee ' (excitedly)—“Hey, the bell rang for the eleventh round.” Boxer (who’s lost his enthusiasm) “Aw, let’s sit this one out.” * * * Revolution Due.—-She: “And to think that you used to call me your queen.” He: “Yes, but when the queen uses my tobacco jar for lard, and sharpens her pencils on my razors, I begin to see the advantages of a republic.” ♦ * # A Natural Verdict,—“Your motheraccuses you of stealing her trunk. What have you to say?” “Your Honour, I simply hid her trunk; I was afraid she’d leave us.” He was given 18 months—six for stealing and 12 for lying. * * * Tit for Tatw—Hubby found some holes in his stockings. “You haven’t mended these?” he said to his wife. “Did you buy that coat your promised me?” she asked. “No-no.” “Well, if you don’t give a wrap, 1 don’t give a darn.” * * * Missed Nothing.—“So you remember ’way back to the Revolution, do you?” “Yassa. De Revolution and Gin’l Washington an’ all them.” “Perhaps you were a witness of the fall of Rome?” “Nossa, Ah didn’ exactly see it, but Ah recollect hearing somethin’ drop!”

Sitting Pretty.—“ Are you a wet or a dry ?” “I claim to b© strictly temperate in such matters,” answered Senator Sorghum, "a person who can take a political policy or let it alone.” * * * Dunning Her Dad.—Father —“Young man, I understand you have made advances to my daughter.” Young Man—“ Yes. I wasn’t going to say anything about it, but since you have mentioned it, I wish you could get her to pay me back.” & X X rl- -r -I- -r BRUNETTE REPLICA L’il Piccaninny, Looks just like his poppy; Don’t know what to call him, ’Less it’s Carbon Copy. rl: ye: rr tv: Static Gone Wild.—Bagpipe music was broadcast recently. Lots of people took their sets to pieces in an endeavour to locate the trouble. Prudish Pagans.—“ Got any old clothes for the heathen?” “My daughter has some cast-off garments, but I’m afraid the heathen wouldn’t wear such clothes.” Natural History.—The teacher was examining the class to see how much they remembered of a natural history lesson given the day before. “Now, Johnny,” she said, “which animal do you remember?” “The warmer,” replied Johnny. “Nonsense—there’s no such animal; sit down.” “Please, miss, I know what ’© means,” said another boy; “’e means the otter.”