Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 506, 8 November 1928, Page 5

Heart and Home Chats

By .

Anne Rutledge

Miss Anne Rutledge will answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller , she is xcell fitted for the task. Those who have problems and lack a confidante to help in their solution may, with confidence, write to Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal. A sympathetic woman, she xvill assist those who stand ixi need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office.

DEVOTED TO ART

■Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am the proud mother of a fine young son, aged three years. He keeps me pretty busy, but at odd moments I take up painting, a pastime of which I was very fond before marriage. My husband is not in sympathy with my hobby. He argues that the boy needs a playmate. He would like me to have more children. My little son seems a big enough bandful for the present, especially as I put aside my creative work during the first tender years of his life. I do so want to take up painting again before I get into a “rut” altogether, yet my husband is a good sort, and it seems hard to disappoint him. What do you advise? LADYBIRD. ANSWER. You can't have your cake and eat it too, Ladybird, and it seems to me that clinging baby fingers are infinitely more satisfying than a few* daubs of cold, lifeless paint. However successful you may be in another sphere, nothing can take the place of motherhood and reasonable family interests. The one-child family is not a good idea. Parents cannot help spoiling an only child. When a new baby arrives, your little son will have to make way for it, and this is good and necessary training for him. By all means have your children while you are young. It is good for you, good for your husband, and good for the country. ANNE RUTLEDGE. “A PAST” Dear Miss Rutledge.— Recently I was shocked to discover that the man I am going to marry has ‘a past.” During the time I have known him (a matter of a few years) I have found him to be a man of sterling character, and in every way a splendid citizen. His reticence concerning his past life aroused my curiosity, and soon afterwards, I found out in a round about way, that things had not always been as they should. I do not want my fianc6 to be aware of my discovery, yet cannot help wondering if I shall be really happy as hie wife. What is your opinion? ANSWER. If you really love your fiancg, and are satisfied that he has regretted his early mistakes, and is sincerely living down the past by a good and useful career, you should rejoice at least for him. All honour to the man who can recover after a slip, and will fight steadily along the narrow way to a better understanding of life. He is probably now a finer Christian than many smug people who venture to judge others. If you have a genuine affection for your friend and want to marry him, I suggest that you discuss the matter tactfully with him. You cannot expect to be happy bottling up secrets. Put your cards on the table, and if things can be finally brought to a harmonious understanding, assure your flanc£ of your absolute loyalty. Never allude to the matter again. With the 'lessons of the past look forward and onward to the future. Remember that “Man’s inhumanity to man. makes countless thousands mourn.” ANNE RUTLEDGE. NO BREAKFAST COOKED! Dear Miss Rutledge, I should much appreciate any good advice that you could give me regarding an unsettling problem which I will explain. I am on affectionate terms with a very nice girl and want to marry her. Unfortunately, I understand from my brother’s experience that a girl is likely to change her ideas, and present a different front soon after the wedding ,

ceremony. For instance, my brother John and his wife Margaret started out on the great adventure with every promise of a happy future. After 12 months, the enthusiasm seemed to evaporate and misunderstandings and misgivings have sprung up round their domestic hearthstone. Margaret seldom bothers to get up early enough to prepare a breakfast. Somehow, with one eye on the clock and the other on the gas stove, my brother manages to scramble a bite or two. He must journey to the office carrying a vision of antiwrinkle cream, chin strap and curling pins, which will drive him to the "anti-alimony club” one of these days. Miss B, John's typist, looks as if she might grace any 20th centui'y magazine cover, and she would not dream of appearing at the office looking otherwise. My sister-in-law most ot the time appeas in deshabille except when she goes out, or a special event takes place. A break might occur at any time, and this sort of thing makes me hesitate to go ahead confidently with my own plans ■t.VSyjfi. COMMONSENSE. Dear Commonsense, thm°vs ah hf d , : h U you " K men weighed trunks in the balance as you do, the rdo a slow time * However. I do think that you will profit by expressing your sentiments clearly to the girl you have chosen. It .is reasonable that a wife, while not under the necessity of competing with a stenographer, should put heart and soul into her job as life partner When a wife is lazy, and allows her husband to start the day underfed and without the tonic of congenial company. she is not playing the game. Don’t let this experience spoil your chance of happiness. Fortunately the average modern girl has a large measure of commonsense, and if you both pull together with understanding, you’ll find that all will go well. ANNE RUTLEDGE. A WIDOW’S WEDDING Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am a widow about to re-marry. Would you kindly advise me how to issue my wedding invitations? ANSWER. Your wedding invitations should be Issued in the name of your parents or your nearest living relatives. You should use your own first name with the surname of your late husband. ANNE • RUTLEDGE. ELDER SISTER Dear Miss Rutledge,— I lost my parents I most needed them and for nine years I have known little elee but hard work. Forced to give up schooling at an early age, I have for some time practically kept the home going, besides educating a younger brother and sister. Struggling along with cherished ambitions, I have tried to swallow many bitter disappointments. Now, at 25 years of age, although acknowledged to be successful in my work in the city, I am faced with a bigger problem than ever. My <sister, who is attending a good commercial college, is developing into a vain, selfish youngster with a “champagne appetite and beer income.” Incidentally, this is also supplied from my earnings. I am trying to give her a fair start. Her selfishness has led to hard words, and she and my young brother seem to join forces against me. SISTER. ANSWER. Dear Sister, — Cheers for all that you have done and all that you are going to do. I know that you will see your job through whatever the odds. You are one of those heroines that never appear in the newspapers or the storybooks. The world needs more of your kind. Of course you are being imposed upon to the limit of endurance. What should be done is to turn those ungrateful youngsters out into the world and make them scratch for themselves. But you couldn’t do it! So I can only advise you to mother them over this thoughtless stage, for as they grow older they will surely realise your sacrifices for them. Don’t cheapen your unselfish devotion by doing household work or anything else that your brother and sister can reasonably do. Mention your parents in such a way that the better qualities in your brother and sister will revolt against the thought of unworthy or disloyal behaviour. Happiness will come your way, I feel sure. Keep pegging along! ANNE RUTLEDGE.