Fun of the Fair

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 503, 5 November 1928, Page 6

Fun of the Fair

MR. LYSNAR OPENS LATE CAMPAIGN LABOUR’S NIGHT OUT ‘•Oh, it’s all right, it’s Saturday night, you know.” Even after an hour’s merciless heckling, Mr. Fred Lysnar, Reform aspirant for City Central, who opened a belated campaign that evening in St. Matthew s Hall, Hobson Street, was in affable mood. When the candidate made this remark to his harassed chairman, Mr. C. A. Wilson, he doubtless did not fully comprehend the profundity of his utterance. It was apparent almost from the outset that half of the 500 electors present were there with no higher motive than to top oft the week with an inexpensive evening’s entertainment. Labour supporters turned out in force, and these alone would have made the programme hilarious enough. Also present were the young Communist who has come into conflict with other candidates, and “Shorty”, whose practice it is to tour each and every electorate as though he had a vote in all. “Mr. Lysnar comes to you with two qualifications,” said the chairman. “He was born in Auckland Central, and he has had a long experience of local body work. He also has a brother in Parliament. (Shuffling of feet.) The candidate has a reputation not so much for getting things done as for getting things.” Here followed some discussion at the back concerning the pronunciation of Mr. Lysnar’s name. “The most important question is the problem of unemployment,” declared thd candidate, beginning his address. T will deal with that first. When you

have heard my views you will have something to think about. The whole trouble is lack of money. Who can borrow to-day?” he challenged. (“Joey Ward”—from a dozen voices.) “The cure is for the Government to issue State notes —not bonds,” the speaker went on, and someone suggester State banks. The cos* of that money would bo on© per cent, sinking fund, two iier cent, for administration, and a-half per cent, for losses, he explained. All the Government had to do was to procure the dies and stamps and print the notes. (Rumblings of incredulity.) “If my scheme is carried out you will be up against the bi Qmoneyed man - A Back-Bencher: You are one of cash is in the banks, but we don’t want it,” proceeded Mr. Lysnar. A Voice: You’re a Labour man, that what you are. “ TOOTH AND NAIL” “My plan would put the country on its feet. Everyone would be happy. There would be plenty of WOl ’*\ ,' or . ~ ' and tho children would be clothed. Another Voice: Did you dream that . “When cheap money comes you will have free hospitals, free maternity homes, free dental clinics. I will fight tooth and nail for these things. An Inquirer: What nails, toe-nails. (Shrieks of laughter.) The chairman had to appeal for order. jj r . Lysnar believed the day of land forces was done. He was in favour ot the youth of the Dominion bein framed for the air and for submarines. ’ What if the airplane drops a gas DomD among 10.000 men in the Domain The audience was momentarily hushed at the awful prospect. Coming to land tenures, the candidate was of opinion that the big wool kings would be only too glad _ if their huge estates were “busted up. It was some moments before the chairman could subdue the shouts of derisive laughter. The speaker explained that the land tax was a mighty millstone round the necks of the wool men in slump years. He knew froni personal experience that they preferred taxation of incomes. Several private arguments vveie in progress when Mr. Lysnar got on to land settlement. He was heard to advocate the opening up of 1,500,000 acres of pumice land near Rotorua and 500 000 acres in the vicinity of the Urewera, “but you can’t do it until you get cheap money.’’ With unpolitical candour, the speaker volunteeredHhat he did not favour proliibition. (Uproar.) “You people laugh because you don't know anything about it. If you will come with me to nolicence districts, I will bath you in liquor,** he promisedd. “Drink is the greatest curse. (Howls of delight.) I mean drunkenness is. You cannot do away with it by force, you have got to control it.” The din at this stage was so terrific that the speech was held up for a minute or two while the chairman pawed the air like a caged bear longing to get at a squad of troublesome boys. T am not in favour of Bible in schools, as some of them want it today.’ the candidate proceeded frankly, lie thought it a mother’s duty to train her child in her own religion. It \ya* too sacred for any man to jam religion into a child. THE “AMERICAN GENTLEMAN” From the Back: Can I ask a question; I want to go home? The Chairman: If you are in a hurry please go. Take your hat off, you are in the presence of ladies. The gentleman at the back ignored the order, and continued to wave his ‘brief’* bearing a written question. The Candidate: Qh, go and have a drink. I haven’t got a bob on me. The Chairman: Count him out. (No response.) Come on, out with him. A Government supporter began a sonorous one—two three and the assembly loyally completed the “outing.” The gentleman in the hat grinned genially. made a low obeisance and —put the hat back on his head, where it remained for the rest of the evening. “If your present man can give you better conditions, put him back. If he can’t, I can,” declared by Lysnar. Put Parry in by all means ” (Uproar and, hear, hear.) “Vote for the man on the right side of the fence. Parr>' has been in nine years, and what has he done? k "Now come on with your bally quesI tions, and I’ll give them a run.” the I speaker demanded, unbuttoning his I coat. And, as someone made lor the

door, “Come back you cocktail, you with the sheaf of questions.” The Chairman: I notice you have driven out the American gentleman who was chewing gum—the only male who kept his hat on. Question: Would the candidate vote with Harry Holland on a no-confidence motion. _ _ _ , Answer: No; but I would have a drink with him. Question: You are in favour of several planks in Labour’s platform, yet you denounce the Government. Why are you the official Reform candidate. No shuffling, mind. Oh, go and get your head read. Is Mr. “Lysander” in favour of Labour having a representative on the League of Nations? —I don’t know anything about it. Like you, I haven’t studied the thing. Are you in favour of the Government sending out its manifestos in American envelopes?—No, I am not. Would you abolish capital punishment 2—jlf anybody killed any of mine I would kill him.

After an hour of questioning, in which the Communist and “SHorty” were prominent, the meeting became so disorderly that the chairman decided to call it off. A motion of thanks and confidence was approved by a small section and howled down by the majority. Proceedings terminated with resounding cheers for Labour.