A JEST OR TWO

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 502, 3 November 1928, Page 29

A JEST OR TWO

Miss Chameleon.— First Merchant: -I have a book-keeper in my office who '" second Shantf nothing, Old lad Miss Smith there has gone brownf blonde and Titian red in my service.” * * * Busy Family.— Grocer: “Haifa pound of rashers and some eggs ' ° n . hy vour father comes home? And wy doesn't your mother come here her“child (innocently): "She’s tijim, another shop!”

Familiar Face. —Companionate version: “Say, haven’t I been married to you before some place?” Call the Cops. —Rube: “What do you think about this here-Evolution?” Yokel: “It’s a good idea—but can they enforce it?” * * * Unprofessional. —Burglar (about to give son thrashing).—“Mind you, this is not so much for pinching the jam, but for the careless way you’ve left your fingerprints about.” Base Ingratitude. —A process-server has sued Gloria Swanson for twentyfive thousand dollars for slapping him. That is not the way to feel about the touch of a woman’s hand. Lucky Coincidence. —Motorist (held up for speeding): “I was hurrying up to town to see my solicitor.” Traffic Cop (writing his ticket): “Well, you’ll have some more news for him now.”

A Wasted Term. —First Oxford Undergraduate: “You will play a game of nap, won’t you?” Second Undergraduate: “1 am sorry, but I don’t know how to play nap.” “Then you will join me in a game of billiards?” “I don’t know how to play billiards, either” “Good gracious, man! What were you doing all last term?” * * * ’Scat! —Talking of “gate-crashers,” numerous yarns are being circulated regarding those possessors of perverted intrepidity. One of the best concerns a hostess who observed among her guests a strange gentleman who had not been invited. Her tactics were superb. She approached the intruder and said, “Waiter, tell the butler that there is an uninvited man present and instruct him to have the person shown out.”

Strong Stimulant. —“Do motor-cars make us lazy?” asks a writer. “Not if we are pedestrians.” Training a Toddler. —-“ Has your baby learned to walk y.et?” “Heavens, no! Why, he’s just learning to drive the car.” New Job for Garters. —She: “According to the latest fashion notes, skirts are going to be worn below the knees.” He: “I don’t doubt it, but how are they going to keep them on?” The Implication. —“ Why can’t we be married at once?” “Oh, I can’t bear to leave father alone just now.” “But, my darling, he has had you such a long time.” “Indeed?” * » * Easy Cure.— White: “Do you know, I’m losing my memory—its worrying me to death.” Brown (sympathetically): “Never mind, old chap. Just forget all about

Father’s One Best Bet. —“ls your boy Josh going to be a help to you on the old place?” “I think so,” answered Farmer Corntossel. “If he improves a little more on the saxophone, he may get a job that will enable him to pay his board.”

The Daring Daniel. —Little Leonard had been told by his parents that whenever visitors called at the house it was his duty to pay them some attention. Some few days later a Mrs. Daniel, who had been asked to tea, arrived, and Leonard was cautioned to behave himself. Tea was just ready when the small boy sauntered into tbe room, and remarked in his best drawing room manner: “How do you do, Mrs. Daniel? So pleased you have come. I have been reading about your husband’s amazing experience In the den of lions.”

The Quick Loafer. —An employer said to a boy who is always tired and lazy: Aren’t you quick at anything, Tommy? Tommy: Yes, sir; I don’t think there is anyone who gets tired quicker than I do.

Heavenly Peace. —Doctor: “When you take your wife’s temperature she must place the thermometer under her tongue and keep her mouth closed for two minutes.” Mr. Jones: “Haven’t you one that takes half an hour?” * * * His Master's Voice. —Friend (eyeing very luxurious car): “But you don’t mean to tell me that you bought it just to satisfy a whim of your wife’s?” The Other (sadly): “Ah, you don’t know her, old man. She’s got a whim of iron.”