From THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 497, 29 October 1928, Page 8

From THE WATCH TOWER

By

“THE LOOK-OUT MAN.”

THE BRIDGE CLASS It is reported that the Cincinatti (U.S.A.) Education Board is unable to decide whether Auction Bridge should he placed in the school curriculum or not. Little Jack Horner stood in the corner, Covered with disgrace, Gee ! Poor lad, h e'd got in had, He’d- trumped the teacher's ace. Simple Simon hid a diamon’, “Spadesaid Gilbert Penny, Said Sime, '‘Suppose, we don’t play those, Because J have not any." Mary had a little slam, Her score the teachers noted, It followed, then, at school next day, That Mary was promoted! * * * GENERAL PROVIDERS “Most of the families in town are supplied by and Co.” —Butcher’s advertisement in Southern paper. A protest from the Storks Union, Incorp., is expected early. THE OPPORTUNIST Advertising is generally known to j have speedy results, but the quickest I on record is the experience of a busi- | ness man who advertised for a night- | watchman- —and had his premises j burgled the following night. QUESTION OF GENDER This one was told by Professor Maxwell Walker at the Postmen’s Welfare Club on Saturday evening. “A French girl staying with an English family walked into the drawing-room one day, and finding her host and hostess in earnest conversation, apologised profusely. “I fear I cockroach,” she concluded. “ ‘Encroach,’ is the word,” remarked her English friend. “Ah, but of course,” agreed the girl. “ ’Encroach.’ I forget I was the female.” THRIFT WEEK The wayfarer, sans overcoat, in pouring rain, appealed to a passing motorist to give him a lift 'along the road to a telephone box, so that he could telephone for a taxi, and shelter in the box until it arrived. The motorist pulled up, and listened to the request. Then he said: “Save up and buy a car of your own,” and drove off into the storm. Moral (for pedestrians only): Don’t speak out of your turn. * * * PENNY WISE It was one of those boardinghouse irons where you place a penny in the slot and can then iron for a straight 15 minutes; hut the sophisticated young man, out to enjoy for the first time the privilege of ironing his own trousers, had had no experience with these devices beyond a passing acquaintance with a shilling-in-the-slot gas meter. He returned to his room with three pairs of pants done handsomely, but with a fourth pair only indifferently pressed. “You didn’t make much of a job of that pair,” said his room-mate. “No,” was the reply. “The heat was running out, and I didn’t want to put in another shilling.”

GREEN LADY WINS The successful divorce suit of the Countess of Northesk, who is now legally parted from her 27-year-old husband, must be accounted another triumph for a spectre known as the Green Lady, which is said to have haunted the family headquarters, Ethie Castle, Arbroath, since an unhappy love affair in which the fourth earl was concerned. That was some hundreds of years ago. To get rid of the ghost, the present earl sold the castle just after his marriage to Jessica Brown, an American Follies girl. But the Green Lady seems to be still on the job. The earl’s name has been coupled with that of a noted English beauty, while American papers report that the countess, who has already had two matrimonial plunges, is not uninterested in the possibility of a third. THE WHISTLING STOPPED An election campaign of other years produced an incident that is worth relating. The Pi-ime Minister was touring in a rural electorate, and the one hotel in the township was packed with secretaries, supporters, pressmen and other camp-followers. A scribe from the city, arriving late, had just time to order his room, and then hustle off to the meeting without going upstairs. He wrote long and late, and finally retired in the small hours, very sleepy. Hence it was irritating to be awakened at an early hour by whistling and singing in th next room. He stood it for a time, and then banged on the wall: “Stop that damn noise!” His neighbour was obedient, and the cheerful racket ceased. Later the scribe casually inquired who was in the next room. ..It was the Prime Minister,