A JEST OR TWO

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 484, 13 October 1928, Page 27

A JEST OR TWO

Alibi 3,79.4. —Wife: “Late, as usual!’* Husband: “But an absolutely new reason, my dear." Wee Sma’ H ours.—Father: “I should have thought that a night club was the very last place a daughter of mine would go to.” Daughter: “It usually is, darling.” Clinch Champions.—First Ringsider (as the boxers hold): “Not so hot, are they?” Second Ditto: “No, there’s only one John Gilbert and Greta Garbo.” * * * The Guest: “She’s a souvenir fiend, isn’t she?” Her Hostess: “I-should think so. The last dinner she attended she carried away the cook.” * * * Guardian Spirit.—Little Alice, aged three, after she had been tucked into bed, was afraid of the dark. “There’s Someone who always takes care of little children, dear,” her mother assured her. Hut Alice looked puzzled and her mother continued: “Don’t you remember. . . . Someone up in the sky ?” Alice smiled back. “Oh, yes, ’course 1 do now—Lindbergh.”

Time for Adjectives.—Most men call a spade a spade, until they happen to let it drop on their toe. Just As Good. Country Hotel Waiter: “You wished your coffee without cream, sir. I’m sorry, we have no cream. Will you have it without milk ?” * 4* * Absent-minded Auntie. Suspicious Husband: “Who called this afternoon?” His Better Half: “Only Aunt Sophie.” S.H.: “Well, she left her pipe.” * c * Absent-minded.—Wife: “Darn it, I simply can’t find my bathing-suit anywhere!” Husband: “Maybe you’ve got it on, dear.” «= * m Puss! Puss! Puss!—A grammar school boy handed in the following composition on “cats.” “Cats that’s meant for little boys to maul and tease is called Maultese cats. Some cats is reckernized by how quiet their purrs is and these is named Purrsian cats. The cats what has very bad tempers is called Angorie cats, and cats with deep feelins is called Feline cats. I don’t like cats,”

Try a Bib.—Flapper: “I would like to try on that vieux rose frock in the window.” Saleslady: *Tm sorry, that’s a lampshade, but we could copy it for you.” * • • Embarrassed Bunny.—Clergyman: “I pronounce you man and wife—the ring, please.” Conjuror (reaching in his pocket and pulling out a rabbit): “Gosh! the wrong act.” Bouquet With a String.—Music was prohibited during certain hours in the precincts of the college, but one undergraduate found the saxophone more engrossing than his studies. Next day he received a note from the higher authority: “Much against my better judgment, and for purposes of discipline only, I am compelled to regard your saxophone playing as music.” • • • Wrong Victim.—Jack: “I called on >label last night, and I wasn’t any more than inside the door before her mother asked me my intentions.” John: “That must-have been embarrassing.” Jack: “Yes, but that’s not the worst of it. Mabel called from upstairs and said. *That i3n’t the one, mother.*” see Spare Parts.—“ What are you doing now?” “I have found a new circus turn—the friendship of a lion and a goat.” “But aren’t there quarrels between them V* “Oh, yes, they have their little quarrels, but then we buy a new goat.” Landscape Decoration,—Jim: “Mow do you know there has been a pkre»Q here?” Zim: “I see by the papers.”