The Strange Wedding of Miss Rigthorpe to William Rufus

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 478, 6 October 1928, Page 26

The Strange Wedding of Miss Rigthorpe to William Rufus

Few Englishmen write more amusingly than Mr. D. B. Wyndham-Lewis. This nonsensical fragment of ancient history appeared in the (< Daily Mail/ *

OR some time I have been brooding, not without enthusiasm, over a recent news-item concerning the unveiling of a mural tablet to

the memory of Arle+te of Palaise, mother of William the Conqueror. The tablet, affixed to a pillar of the ruined abbey outside Honfleur where Arlette is buried, is the gift of two descendants of the Conqueror, Mrs. Stober and Mrs. Jones; both of America. The incident interests me chiefly because I myself am also, in my way, a descendant of the Conqueror, through a great-great-great-great-great-great-great aunt, who was herself engaged to the Conqueror for a time. No student of the Bayeux Tapestry can have helped being puzzled by the odd and hitherto enigmatic group which is placed exactly between the scene of William’s interview with Harold and William’s departure for the Mont St. Michel. This group is of two figures: a woman,

VNVS: CLERICVS: ET /EIFGYVA. That is, “A clerk and iElfgyva.” No authority on the Tapestry has yet produced a satisfactory explanation of this incident. I can do so, however. The female figure is that of my aunt, Miss ABlfgyva Rigthorpe. The clerk who is beating my aunt about the head is J. O. Smith, private secretary to the Conqueror. The whole story is rather sordid, but I owe it perhaps to my aunt’s and the Conqueror’s memory to state the facts. I take them from private archives. My aunt was walking with her maid in Falaise one day in 1060 when 3 stranger with a clerk’s tonsure approached, saluted her courteously, an£ asked the way to the Castle. She told him. He said: “Thank you so much. I am a stranger in Palaise. And in any case,” he added through clenched teeth, “I love you, you little bronz* haired Norman duck.” My aunt gave him a cool level glance and turned away. “Wait.” said the stranger, biting his lip. “They tell me you are engaged to the Duke.” My aunt haughtily inclined her head.

“Let me tell you,” said Mr. Smith (for he it was) bitterly, clutching his shaven head, “that I’m just mad about, mad about, mad about you; but I think you’re just a gadabout, gadabout, gadabout, too.” He then lifted his right hand in a passion and struck my aunt; and at that moment William Duke of Normanby, her betrothed, came riding past. The Duke at once reined in and called out rather angrily, “I say, you can’t do that sort of thing here!” “Yes, sir, I can,” said Mr. Smith, and struck my aunt again. “I can also,” he added, “write in cursive and uncial script, illuminate MS., clean and polish hawks, and do sums in my head.” “What,” said the Duke sharply, “is fifty-nine times thirty-million-eight-hundred-thousand-and-sixty-four?” “An awful lot,” said Mr. Smith. “Nevertheless,” he added more tenderly, “I love this girl.” “So do I,” said the Conqueror. “Don’t I, Gyva?” he said to my aunt. “In a way,” said my aunt shyly. “Well,” said the Conqueror, “hum something.” So my aunt hummed a favourite song of the Duke’s, which went: 1 never seemed to know what love meant, dear, till I met you; I never thought that two hearts as one could beat so true; You gave me sunshine and gladness all the day, sweetheart, And should there come a day when we two must part : (Refrain) : Boys of the Empire, brave and bold and free, etc. The Duke and Mr. Smith both hummed the refrain very feelingly with my aunt; and the result of the whole incident was that Mr. Smith that day became the Duke’s secretary. My aunt broke off her engagement soon afterwards and later married William Rufus; at which the Conqueror observed merely “God’s Splendour! (Par le splendeur Dex!”) —which was his usual comment. The early portion of the family tree, therefore, stands thus:

WILLIAM THE CONQTTEROR-Matilda. I William Rufus-Miss Rigthorpe (my aunt) I 1 Charlotte-H.J. Shakspeare George, d. 1178 j (“Nasty,” as he was called) William-Anne Hathaway ‘ ‘Baby”-O. Washington Shaw Bernard. So all turned out fairly well. My aunt -SSlfgyva, as she appears in the act of being hit by Mr. Smith in the Bayeux Tapestry, was slim* petite, cultured, passionate, but a great needlewoman. She took a sincere interest in the Norman Conquest, and seemed affected when offered the crown. For some reason the words “Anglo-Saxon” always made her laugh quite terribly; but so they do me, for that matter. She also thought there were far too many Smiths about. This is all I have to say here about Miss Rigthorpe. She died in a serene old age, in possession of all her faculties, and on meeting old Mr. Smith in Rome one day in 1126 was able to rally him gently on his technique with women. There was then, of course, no Air Force,' or she would undoubtedly have brought into her rallying something faintly satiric about “Air Force methods.” Any other descendant of the Conqueror (whatever her name) who would like to commemorate my aunt may communicate with me, care of Barclays Bank. Cheques may be crossed “Rigthorpe Memorial”; or, better still, left quite open.