A JEST OR TWO

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 394, 30 June 1928, Page 25

A JEST OR TWO

Big Brother Stuff. —Some men take good care of an automobile; others treat it like one of the family. Grass Widows. —Some women acquire companionate husbands, and some marry golf players. * * •* Question of Temperature. —She: Haven’t I always been fair to you? He: Yes, but 1 want you to be fair and warmer. Struggle for Respectability. —“ Why didn’t you try to keep out of gaol ?” “1 did, ma’am, and I got two months extra for resisting an officer.”

All Had Been Said. —Registrar: “It is necessary for me to ask the mother of the bride if she has anything to say before I proceed with the ceremony.” Voice of Mother (in background): “All I have to say is that if I hadn’t had a good deal to say already they never would have landed here.”

Pursuing Him. —Xol for many years had old Baxter been more than four or five miles from his native village, but having come into money, he decided to visit old friends in London and Manchester. Taxi, sir?” a driver bawled in his ear immediately he emerged from the London terminus. Baxter shook his head. After seeing London, he went on to Manchester. Again, s.s he left the station, a taxi pulled into the kerb. “Taxi. sir?” asked the driver. “Xo, no. you idiot!" snapped Baxter angrily; T said no in London. Now stop following me about.”

Hoop-la! —First Flapper: What do you do for insomnia? Girl Friend: I count sheiks jumping over the fenceingrowing Benevolence. —She: How kind you are to your wife, sending her away for a rest. He: Yes, Heaven knows I need one.” * * * Back-seat Refreshment.-— ‘‘Have you some of that gasoline that stops knocking?” Service station attendant: Yqs. • Then give my wife a glass.” Chance for Television. —Mother (proudly): I wish, my son, that your father would stay at home one evening to see how well you behave when he is out-

What Every Chemist Knows.— Teacher: Why are you such a bad writer, Tommy? Tommy: I dont’ know, sir. My father gives me an hour's writing lesson every day. Teacher: What is your father? Tommy: A doctor.

Hats Off. —Customer: Have you anything for grey hair? Conscientious Druggist: Nothing but the greatest respect, sir. * * * Pass the Starch. —Hubby: This blue berry pie looks queer, dear. Wifey: Oh, honey, maybe I put in too much bluing.

Beating the Game. —“ Aren’t you happy now that the furniture people are willing to let you pay for the furniture by instalments?” “1 should be if they would let me pay the instalments by instalments.”

The Only Way. —“ Wasn't it sad about poor Jones?” “What happened to him?” “Why, he got so far behind in his rent he had to marry his landlady. Right. —Master: “Can any of you tell me how bees dispose of their honey ?” Jones Minor: Please sir, I can. They cell it:” A Habit, Maybe. Mistress (dreamily): “Under just such a crescent moon my. husband first kissed me.” Maid (also dreamily): "Same here. So he did me.” Time to Explode. —" What are you children doing?—l thought you were playing together.” "We are playing at fathers and mothers." “But you need not make all that noise. "Yes. we do—she has just asked me for money for a new hat.” Speaking Likenesses. —A man who was wanted by the police had been i photographed in six positions, and the i pictures sent out to the State police. ! In a few days headquarters received : this from a small-town chief: “I duly received the pictures of the six miscreants wanted. Five of them have been captured and we are on the trail of the sixth.” The Kissing Craze. —There was nothing that young Robert loathed as much as the habit his mother’s lady friends had of insisting upon his kissing them. After a particularly trying afternoon the boy took himself off to < the picture show. Here again he was disappointed. The feature of the evening was a thoroughly sentimental romance. Robert returned home with the blues. But worse was to happen. His mother spent a few brief moments at his bedside, while his father stood in the doorway. Give mother a kiss, dear.” she said, stooping over him. Robert caught his father's eye. For i goodness sake, daddy,” he said, give l this woman a kiss.” . .

i For a good hard, lasting, non-slipper: j Floor Polish, try “Radium.” Coupoi 4 Competition closes June 30.