TOPICAL TITBITS

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 340, 28 April 1928, Page 28

TOPICAL TITBITS

If there is/any justice in the next world, a lot of professional funny men are going to have a chance to ride the Prince of Wales’s horses. —San Diego Union. Another way to remember the number of years since the war is to count the increased number of inches in the veteran's belt. —Quincey Whig-Journal. * * * All the white man wants to do in the Orient is to take orders and give orders. —Publishers’ Syndicate. As to the theory that age brings respectability, the Christian civilisation is 1928 years old. —North Adams Herald. “Unmarried Men Commit Most Of Our Crimes.” But are not told about them so often. —New York Evening Post. A great many animals laugh, says a scientist. And, of course, a great many people give them good reason to. —San Diego Union. Atlantic City, we understand, lias abolished the parade of the bathing (?) suit (?) beauties (?). —The New Yorker. A movie star is said to have celebrated his tenth wedding anniversary recently, but of course it may have been the anniversary of his tenth wedding. —Detroit News. Maybe a lot of the static we’re getting now is dark horses whinnying. —Arkansas Gazette. No wonder the world is ,crooked: even some of the stars are fixed. —Palm Beach Post. An American paper says there’ll never be a monument to an unknown politician? Still, if they ever find a politician admitting he’s unknown, he’ll be worth a monument. —Arkansas Gazette. The tliree-eyed pheliosaurus found in Warwickshire, England, is said to have lived 200 million years ago. What a pedestrian it might have made had it not been born 200 million years ahead of its time! —Detroit News. A Chinese general has ordered that none of his soldiers marry until the war is over. He believes in one war at a time. —San Diego Union. In Siberia, Mr. Trotsky is so far away from the centres of news that he isn’t reported dead nearly as often as he used to be. —Detroit News.

Boomerang. —Browne: “Did you give your wife that little lecture on economy you talked about?” Baker: “Yes.” “Any result?” “Yes—l’ve got to quit smoking.” The Ruling Passion. —Lady Candidate: “Citizens, I stand ready to reply to any questions.” Fair Voter: “Where did you buj' that adorable hat?”

He Wanted to K now. —“ Have you heard the joke of the Egyptian guide who showed the Englishman two skulls of Cleopatra, one of her girlhood and one of her old age?” “No, tell me about it.” Regrets. The old gentleman tumbled over a five-barred gate just in time to save himself from the angry bull. “You brute,” he spluttered, shaking his fist at the animal, “and I’ve been a vegetarian all my life.”