A Jest or Two

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 329, 14 April 1928, Page 14

A Jest or Two

With Different Powder.— She: Do you think that plastic surgery would improve my features? • He: No. She: Then what do you suggest? He: Blasting. * * * Even She Looked Daggers. —After a lesson on war and. peace, the teacher asked: “Who is the greatest figure in the question of disarmament?” and me pupil replied, ‘ Venus de Milo.” How Times Change.—They were married, and both were missing the Miss and ecstasy of their courting days. So at last she approached him. “John,” she said, ‘‘when we were courting you often said sweet things to me, and you used to sing snatches of all the popular love songs. Why don’t you now?” “Oh, is that all that’s the matter with you?” he answered. “Well, how’s this?” And. striking into tune, he sang: “I don’t care what you used to be, I know what you are to-day.” * * * Ledger De Main.— Tie spoke in a strong, clear voice, carelessly. “Charge it,” he said. He deserves credit for that. * * * Another Smack For Henry. —Father: In spite of your poor work at school, J am going to gi\ e you a Ford coupe lor Christmas. However, I am still displeased with you. Son: Will you shake with me father? Father: No; I refuse to place my foot in the dratted thing. * * * Not A Rattle Snake. —“ Dad. we’re going to take that short-sighted bloke to an eye doctor. He thought a stick was a snake.” “Well, lots of other men have done that.” _ . “Yes, but he picked up a snake to hit it with.”

Not Pulling Together. —Thieves recently broke into an income-tax office. This is a pity: hitherto, burglars and tax-collectors have contrived to maintain a spirit of friendly rivalry. * * * Get That, Bo! —In connection with the Chicago ban on Miss Maude Boyden. the London preacher, because she enjoys a cigarette, it cannot be too clcavly understood that the only thing which has the right to smoke in Chicago is a revolver. ♦ * * Matter Of Duty. —ln connection with the forthcoming mouth-organ contest at Bermondsey, England, the National Union of Hardworked Humorists, expresses the hope that it will not come to blows. * * * A Dingy Prospect. —Customer: I want to buy a collar. Clerk: What kind? Like the one you have on. Customer: No; I want a clean one. * * * Or An Inveterate Schemer. —-Never call a woman architect a designing female. * * * History Versus Chemistry. Teacher to class: “Name a great German of the last century.” Smart Boy: “Please, sir, Bismuth. ♦ * * That Oxford Accent. —“Gawd!” said a distressful voice in the crowded tramcar. One glanced at one’s fellow-passen-gers with interest, expecting to see “Ole Bill” or perhaps Jacob’s night-watch-man; but it was a very well-dressed lady, who continued in a “refanea voice: “Gawd, will you please open these ventilators?” rlr- I-r ~ ~ ~ ~lt rT-rr I~> ~r~

Hoots Mon! —George: “There goes a fellow that whistles at danger.” Sam: “He must be a very brave fellow. Who is he?” George: “A locomotive engineer.” * * * A Receipted Bill. —Bill is very hard on shoes and trousers, and his mother remembers this when she goes shopping. One day, while out with a friend, she was buying cloth for a pair of trousers for Bill, and ordered a good deal more than seemed necessary. “Why do you get so much ?” asked lier friend. “Oh,” was the reply, “this is for reserved seats!” * * * An Old Song Resung. —A critic describes a new pirate film as “full of sticky sentiment.” Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of gum! • * * That Settled It. —The lady from a northern country was in a boot shop. She was also in a quandary. A pair of Russian boots and a pair of elegant shoes looked equally attractive, and there was no difference in cither fit or price. For a long time she hesitated, her choice wavering between the two. At length she turned to her little boy, •and asked his opinion. “Weel. mither,” said the lad. “if ye choose yon Russians, ye’ll be aye buying blacking.”

Easily Tired. — “l see the big fight last night took only ninety seconds—were you there?” “Yes, but I got so bored that I didn’t stay to the end.” » * * Right On Top. —The father had gone away and left his only son in charge of the store. “Are you the head of the firm?” asked the man with the sample case who had just come in. "No, sir,” remarked the young man with a smile, “I’m only the heir of the head.” Self Corrupted. —A young clubman who was inclined to look upon the wine when it was red, or white for the matter of it, was taken to task, tactfully, by an older member. He was advised to straighten himself up. “Yes, I know,” agreed the delinquent, “I’m a perfect fool; in fact, to be perfectly frank, I’m one of those chaps that my poor old father always warned me against.”

“Now The Day Is Over.” —“Singing,” declares a doctor, “will kill influenza germs.” The difficulty, of course, is to get the little devils to sing. An Important Omission. —Dolly: “There’s Miss Oldgirl. She used to say she would never marry until she got an excellent proposal.” May: “And now?” Dolly: “Oh! now she’s dropped the ‘excellent.’ !” Contrast. —Wife: “Every time you see a pretty girl you forget you’re married.” Hubby: “You’re wrong, m’ dear. Nothing brings home the fact more forcibly.” * * * Lines of Communication. —“ Great Caesar’s ghost!” shouted the editor of the tabloid newspaper. “I can’t make head or tail out of this dispatch from our special correspondent in South America.” “Neither could I,” said his assistant. “Jimmie,” called the editor to the office boy, “ask the South American correspondent to step in here a minute.” * * * Go To Purgatory! —The following conversation took place between a bishop and a judge: “I am a greater man than you,” said the bishop, “because all you can say is, ‘You’d be hanged!’ but I can say, *You be damned!’ ” * * * All the Work. —“ Harry was taking part in an amateur dramatic performance last night, and he is so hoarse to-day he can hardly speak.” “Oh, really! Was he playing the leading part?” “No, he was prompting.”

EMPIRE “EAST SIDE, WEST SIDE” “East Side, West Side,” the chief picture now being’ shown at the Empire Theatre, is the kind of film which has long been needed to give the world an authentic conception of New York, for the people in small towns have grown to think of it almost entirely in terms of night clubs, Broadway theatres and the tinsel gaiety of Coney Island. Its Ghetto, with the chaotic jumble of brass shops, push carts and colourful Hebrew types, has remained practically unknown. So also, has the shifting procession of barges, great liners and small craft that plies back and forth on its rivers. Now and then a picture is released which shows fairly accurately some one phase of the city, but never before has the vast panorama which extends from the Battery to the Bronx been unrolled on any screen. An exceptional cast presents the dramatic Biesenberg story with feeling and rare truth to detail, George O’Brien and Virginia Valli are the principals. Also on the same programme is “The Banger Girl,” in which Priscilla Bean scores her biggest hit —a mystery and melodramatic comedy that keeps one interested all through.

KUIAL, KIWUdLAND “THE GAY RETREAT” “The Gay Retreat,” the picture now being - shown at the Royal Theatre, Kingsland, is a rollicking take-off on the war. The story deals with a sleep-walking doughboy and his two friends, who join the army to keep him from walking into No Man’s Land in his sleep. But the fun starts long before they leave for France, and continues right through the picture until the final fadeout at home after armistice. There are not only laughs by the score in “The Gay Retreat,” but a love story that has some unusual angles and more thrills than in a wild western. In addition to McNamara and Cohen, the cast includes Gene Cameron in the romantic male role, and Judy King in the part of his French sweetheart. Charles Gorman is the hard-boiled sergeant and Betty Francisco, Holmes Herbert and Jerry the Giant are some of the other members of the cast who help to make “The Gay Retreat” a picture as delightful as its name. PRINCE EDWARD “30DEG. BELOW ZERO” It takes nerve to do some of the things that stunt-stars are called upon to do in motion picture work, but it is doubtful whether men like Buck Jones ever think of danger. In “30 Below Zero,” Fox Films version of John Stone’s dramatic story of the North, now at the Prince Edward Theatre, Buck has to stand on the wing of an airplane in full flight. This, for an aviator trained in such tricks, is not so difficult, but Buck is a horseman, not an aviator. However, he seldom consents to the use of a double—and he insists upon taking the “shot” himself. Eva Novak is the girl in the story, and she has some stunts to perform on her own account that are about as daring as any woman has performed m some time for the screen. The supporting cast is unusually good, as it includes Paul Panzer, E. J. Ratcliffe, Harry Woods, Fred Walton, Henry Murdock and Vincent Howard. The second picture now on the programme is “Dearie,” starring Irene Rich in a drama of night clubs, an exson enCed widow and her inexperienced “GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES” ANITA LOOS’S STORY A motion picture based on Anita Loos’s famous story “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes has recently been completed uy Paramount at the Hollywood Studios. Ruth Lee Taylor was selected from ten thousand applicants, a blonde preferred and plays the role of Lorelei, the main character in the story. Miss Loos, the author, assisted with the preparation of the picture, which Malcolm St. Clair directed. The opening of the picture represents an innovation from the book version. It shows an old prospector, whose dreams of gold materialised only when his granddaughter becomes “gold digger.” So great has Miss Taylor's success been in this picture, that Paramount have signed her for a long term contract. “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” will be seen in New Zealand this year. MOVIETONE NEWS A FOX, ACQUISITION Fox Movietone News has now become a permanent institution in the United States, and is being released weekly in many theatres. For the first time patrons of theatres will be able, not only to see the current news of the day in moving pictures, but also to hear them. The Movietone News department is now functioning at top speed and the camera staff is being.increased cftiily. A fleet of high-pow-ered automobile trucks, each equipped with complete Movietone apparatus, is being used for the gathering of news subjects to make up the weekly reel. Not only are these trucks covering the events of the day in America, but Continental Europe, too, will supply its share of material for the weekly issue of the reel. Camera-men and trucks are to be stationed in central locations throughout the world, and the coming season will see remarkable strides made in this branch of news reel.

“THE KING OF KINGS” IMPRESSIVE AND REVERENT ‘ The Kins of Kings’' continues to attract large audiences at Everybody’s Theatre. Simplicity is the keynote of the film and a child could understand the old Bible story as it is interpreted on the screen. The story holds the audience for the whole two and a-half hours of its screening, but if a particularly impressive episode may be selected it is undoubtedly that illustrating the denying of Christ by Peter in the hall of the High Priest’s Palace. Another moving scene is that of the last march to Calvary. Jesus, stumbling under the weight of His heavy cross, yet with a kindly word for a child. He fell at last, to be assisted by Simon the Cyrenian, who carried the weighty cross on his own shoulders. The story of the crucifixion closely followed the Scriptures, and the spectacle of God’s vengeance, though not strictly in accordance with the Gospel, was most impressive. The Quaking earth and tearing rocks were terrifying in effect. The portrayal of Christ is admirable. His sense of humour has not been lost sight of in an endeavour for intense spirituality. Of the minor characters, Peter is the quick-handed, large-hearted apostle of the Gospel, and Caiaphas, the grasping high priest, is also an excellent studv. Appropriate music was played by Howard Moody’s orchestra, which was particularly pleasing in Wagnerian selections. Vocal accompaniment to the film is also pleasing and appropriate, the Hallelujah Chorus being an exceptionally fine effort. DIXIELAND CABARET RACE NIGHT CARNIVAL A gala race night carnival will be held at Dixieland this evening from eight o’clock until midnight. This cabaret at Point Chevalier is always popular, and after a successful day at the races, what better entertainment could be had than dancing at Dixieland to the perfect music of the Internationals.

"FREE AND EASY” NEW COMEDY-DRAMA Andrew Rice, well-known playwright and vaudeville author, has been placed under contract by Fox Films, and assigned to write the comedy scenes for Madge Bellamy’s next production. This film is titled, ‘‘Free and Easy,” and will be a comedy-drama. Mr. Rice, a n'ative of Austria, went to the United States at the age of 11, and through sheer perseverance became one of the most successful stage writers in the country. He has also achieved considerable fame on the speaking stage as an actor and monologist, and his own experience in this line enabled him to produce very acceptable material for the stage and screen. “Free and Easy” is to be directed by Arthur Rosson, and James Hall will play opposite Madge Bellamy in the masculine lead. “THE STREET ANGEL” AN ITALIAN SETTING Frank Borzage, the famous Fox director of “Seventh Heaven,” has almost completed his latest production, “The Street Angel,” in which he has featured Janet Gaynor and Charles Farrell, the players of the first-named film. All of the sets for “The Street Angel,” which is adapted from Monckton Hoffe’s stage drama of “Lady Christilinda,” were built on one enormous stage at the Hollywood studios. These sets include an entire street in Naples, a one-ring circus, two dwellings and a police court. In order that the types in “The Street Angel” should be accurate, a tour was made of “Little Italy” in Los Angeles, by Lew Borzage. He is the brother to the director, and acts as assistant, which position he filled with much success also when “Seventh Heaven” was being made. The Bellamy Trial.” a screen version of Frances Noyes Hart s “Saturday Evening Post” story, will shortly go into production at the Metro-Gold-wyn-Mayer studios under the direction of Monta Bell. The entire story takes place within the four walls of a courtroom,

BAND PROGRAMME AT DOMAIN GARDENS A select programme of music will be played in the Domain Gardens at three o’clock to-morrow afternoon by the Auckland Artillery Band under the direction of Lieut. E. Tregilgas. A collection in aid of distressed bandsmen will be made. “THE MERRY WIDOW” LAVISH PRODUCTION All through Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer’s screen version of “The Merry Widow,” famous musical comedy which captivated the world with its romantic story and lilting music, the production is magnificent. The Palace of King Nikita, impecunious monarch of Monteblanco, the state funeral scenes, and the awe-inspiring coronation sequences—all are dazzling, costly and beautiful to a degree. It is very pleasing to see the earlier scenes, when Danilo meets Sally given a truly Bohemian character. Though “atmosphere” is only incidental to a big picture, how great is the influence of realistic settings upon a story so romantic as this! “The Merry Widow” is shortly to be seen in Auckland. “MAD HOUR” ELINOR GLYN’S LATEST Rather exoticaily titled, “Mad Hour” is nevertheless a production with entertainment value. Taken from the unusual story by Elinor Glyn, “The Man and the Moment.” this perhaps can be understood, as Miss Glyn holds an unrivalled position in a' certain type of literature. The production, from the First National studios, is an unusual one, dramatic and powerful, and though in its earlier scenes depicting the gaiety and recklessness of jazz interests and modern life, comes to a serious conclusion. Bally O'Xeill is well cast in the leading feminine rop*. with handsome Donald Reed. Alice White and Larry Kent in the featured cast.

CAPITOL “NEVADA” The Zane Grey name always assures good entertainment, and the latest, "Xevada," now being shown at the Capitol Theatre, is declared to be one of the best western tales so far translated to the screen. The cast names promise splendid performances. Gary Cooper is the star, a husky young daredevil, born in the West, and typical of Western heroThelma Todd, lovely golden-haired actress, is the leading woman. William Powell, finest villain of all in this field of film drama, never fails to make an audience hate him as a scoundrel and respect him as an actor. Philip Estrange, Ernie S. Adams. Guy Oliver, Christian J. Frank and Ivan Christy are other strong names. Another good picture on the same programme is “Cheating Cheaters,” featuring Betty Compson and Kenneth Harlan, in a story combining tense drama, hilarious fun and intrigue. “FOUR SONS” HAS NEW FILM ACTOR George Meeker is one of the newest acquisitions to the long list of Fox players, and won his long-term contract after his splendid characterisation in “Four Sons. ’ Meeker is still in his early twenties, and was born in j Brooklyn, Xew York. His brother ! and sister were making a name lor themselves on the stage, and with their aid started his career in musical comedy and comedy drama, soon winning fame as a juvenile lead. When in New York he made a test for “The Old Soak,” following which he went to Hollywood to play the role on the screen. After this picture he played in several smaller parts and was on the verge of going back to the stage when he heard that John Ford was testing at Fox Films for a blonde type to play in “Four Sons.” The company made a test, and the nekt morning he received a telephone call that he had the part. Then all thought of going back to the stage was forgotten, and he started on his motion picture career in earnest. LYRIC “ALIAS THE LONE WOLF" Olive Borden is the leading lady in the Fox Film “Come to My House,*' now being shown at the Lyric Theatre. The story is about Joan Century, a girl who has beauty, fire, intelligence and every luxury money can buy, but who cannot master her own heart. She is continually torn between the man to whom she is engaged and another, played by Antonio Moreno, who has flashed across her life like a meteor. In a moment of weakness she visits this man’s house and is discovered. She is an outcast from society. All avoid her except the man to whom she is betrothed. Distraught, she does not know whether she loves her staid fiance for his loyalty or whether it is the dashing man who has completely captured her fancy at first sight. Miss Borden and Mr. Moreno are supported by a splendid cast of screen favourites. Also on the programme is Bert Lytell in a mighty drama of mystery, romance and exciting happenings, entitled “Alias, the Lone Wolf.” “WINGS” HINKLER AT PRIVATE VIEW Approximately 2.000 people witnessed the screening of the Paramount picture. “Wingrs,” at the Capitol Theatre, Canberra, on Thursday. March 15. The occasion was in honour of Bert Hinkler, who was the guest of honour at the entertainment. Be.rt Hinkler and his mother were accompanied by th e Prime Minister, Mr. Stanley Bruce, Mrs. Bruce and party. Mr. R. Rowe, president of R.S.S.L and the Right Hon. William Morris Hughes made short addresses from the stage. The latter officially welcomed Be-rt Hinkler as the guest of the evening. Bert Hinkler’s landing in Sydney was shown on the Paramount Gazette and then was followed by the air picture, “Wings.” At the conclusion of the screening, the Prime Minister Mr. Bruce, stated that “Wings” was the greatest picture he had ever seen. Bert Hinkler has accepted Par-* mount’s off er to prepare a picture of the landing m Sydney and Canberra. This- film record of the womierful reception given Hinkler by the Australians will be presented to the aviator. “FLYING ROMEOS” CHARLIE MURRAY AND GEORGE SYDNEY AGAIN “Flying Romeos” promises a real fun-treat for picturegoers, starring in this swift-moving production Charlie Murray and George Sidney. These two incomparable humorists impersonate the rival tailors who become involved in farcical airplane adventures. In the cast also figure prominently Fritzi Ridgway and Lester Barnard who do good work in addJSS, to „ t “ e general measure of hilarity The Chaser, featuring Harry Lang. another fine comedy from the First .National studios that is also rich in laugh values. Critics have declared that Langdon has at last secured a comedy vehicle worthy of his quaint unusual personality. ‘Dynamite,” the remarkable dog star, will shortly appear in another Lniyersa! attraction entitled “Fangs °t Destiny.” The leading man in this attraction is the popular Western star. Ldmund Cobb. ■Virginia Valli, the lovely brunette whom Fox Films have signed for featured roles, has completed three productions on the season’s schedule, and is now preparing to start on the fourth. “Paid To Love,” “East Side West Side” and “Ladies Must Dress,’’ are the first three made bv Miss Valli She will shortly make “The Escape.” which is based on the famous stage play. In the latter production will be supported by Miss Nancy Drexel, formerly known as Dorothy Kitchen, who has worked her wav to the top in the brief space of 'two years. Miss Drexel has played in comedy, drama, and westerns, and has recently been chosen by F. W. Murnau to play in The Four Devils,” his latest film.

LUNA PARK SUMMER SEASON CLOSES The last session of the summer season will be held at Luna Park this evening. 4 The varied and original entertainment provided at the amusement park has proved very popular during tlx* summer and has attracted thousands of pleasure-seekers, who have not gone away disappointed. One of the most popular features is the dancing at the Palais de Danse. Special winter opening arrangements will be announced next week. LEAP YEAR SOCIAL OLD COROMANDEL BOYS The Old Coromandel County Boys’ Association will hold a leap-year social in the Ponsonby Hall, Ponsonby Roafl, next Thursday evening. The music for jazz and old-tim* dancing will be provided by LiHiss Orchestra. AMBULANCE DANCE WEDNESDAY’S ENTERTAINMENT The National Reserve Division of the St. John Ambulance will hold a social and dance in the Masonic Hall. Edinburgh Street, Newton, next Wednesday. An excellent orchestra has been engaged and with the splendid floor at this hall a good evening’s dancing i* assured. PONSONBY DANCE GREY LYNN LABOUR PARTY There will be “sounds of revelry b*' night,” at the O’Neill Street Hall, Ponsonby, this evening, at the Grey Ly» n Labour Party’s dance. Paltridge’s Orchestra, whose reputation as a dance orchestra is well known, will supply the music. Th»e will be a number of novelties, and an excellent evening is promised. The floor of the hall is perfect for da/icir# “WINGS” NEW CAMERA EFFECTS The much-discussed topic o: camera ! “angles” is receiving new impetus [ through the work of William Wellman, who directed “Wings” for Paramount. Not only does the director give the spectator the sensation of flying participating in aerial combat, but every type and form of manoeuvre 1* photographed from every conceivable position in the production which tells for the first time, the real story 01 the ace in the war. "Wellman, himself a m-mber of til* Lafayette Squadron during the war. had the point of the flier at heart in “Wings,” and consequently 7f» P** cent of the picture is devoted to th« air sequences, and it took five montba to get them. “Wings.” which v/as recently screened in honour of Bert Hinkler at Canberra, will be released throughout New Zealand shortly'. Under-water scenes an interesting feature of the William Fox production, “Monte Cristo,” adapted from the famous novel by Alexandre Dumas and constituting one of the big screen dramas of *ll time. Few scenes of this character have been used as a scene or part of a dramatic narra’JveReaders of the great novel will recan the sensational escape of Edmona Dantes from the Chateau D’lf; how. after 20 years* imprisonment he sews himself in a sack, is thrown into tsea as dead, rips himself f ree troro the bag and makes his way to tn island of concealed treasure. As tm episode forms one of the most drama tic and thrilling moments of the P <*- the introduction of under-wa • photography showing every mcia as pictured by Dumas, was sidered a risk because of the 0 J" j which lies in the unusual method t such filming. How ver. the feat ; successfully accomplished. Ta*" bert, Renee Adoree and Estel ,e - lor are the stars in this produc