PASSING SHOTS

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 318, 31 March 1928, Page 25

PASSING SHOTS

Business Before Pleasure.—A woman in the mountains of Tennessee was seated in the doorway of the cabin, busily eating some pig’s feet. A neighbour hurried to tell her of how her husband had been killed in a brawl. The widow continued munching the pig’s feet as she listened in silence to the harrowing news. As the narrator finished, she spoke thickly from her crowded mouth: “Jest you wait t ; ll I finish this here pig’s trotter, an” ye’ll hear some hollerin’ as is hollerin’.” * » * All Hot and Cold.—Guest: There’s a fly in my ice cream. Waiter: Let him freeze to death—serves him right; the little rascal was in the soup last night. « ❖ * Experience Teaches.—“l’ve never kissed a girl in my life,” observed the painfully proper man. "Well, don’t come hanging around me,” announced the young flapper; “I’m not running a prep, school.”

Painful.—Professor: “Give me a sen- j tence with the word ‘boycott.’ ” Johnny: “Farmer Brown chased his ; son and didn’t catch him till the boycott on a barbed wire fence.” Above Learning.—Dorothy: “I spent eight hours over my spelling last night.” Margie: “You ought to know it pretty well.” Dorothy: “I don’t. It was under my ; pillow.”

Assorted Sports.—A golfer who was very slow on the greens was somewhat disturbed when one of the incoming players drove his ball so that it rolled between his legs. “Do you call that golf?” he shouted. “No,” replied the other, apologetically, “but it wasn’t bad croquet.” Giving Him Socks. —It was a dark night and the motorist was lost. Soon he saw a sign on a post. With great difficulty he climbed the post, struck a match, and read, “WET PAINT.” Scenting a Mystery.—Two burglars who broke into a New York chemist’s were captured by the trail of perfume they left behind. The police account probably reads: “Arrested for fragrancy.” A Dingy Prospect.—Two “resting.” actors were narrating their news since they had last met. Said one: “My word, I had a remarkable experience when I was playing in the Midlands a few months ago. I got a wire from town saying that the brokers were in possession of my place. I tell you, my boy, I turned as white as your shirt — no—whiter!” The Money Changer.—Two Scots attended a music-hall. Among the items was a conjuring performance. After the show Jock remarked: “Week that was a grand juggler.” “What,” exclaimed the other, “he was the worst ever I saw.” “Weel.” said the first, “maybe the body wasna verra clever, but, man, I gave him a bad ten-shillin’ note for a trick and he gave me a guid | yin back.” Safety First.—“ Excuse me, sir, do you happen to have seen a policeman anywhere about here ?’* “I am sorry, but I haven’t seen & sign of one.” “All right, hurry up and give me your pockethook and watch, then.” An Unlikely Tale.—Aunt: “Can you explain wireless telegraphy to me, Arthur?” Arthur: “Well, if you had a very long dog reaching from London to Liverpool and you trod on its tail in London it would bark in Liverpool.” * • * Then Swaggers About. —Squire: ‘Do you give your dog any exercise, Mr. Hodge?” Hodge: “Oh, yes, he goes for a tramp every day.”