TOPICAL TIT-BITS

Sun (Auckland), Volume I, Issue 282, 18 February 1928, Page 25

TOPICAL TIT-BITS

But can aviation ever become popular without an aerial equivalent for pedestrians ? —Arkansas “Gazette.”

Priscilla says it isn’t the cost of short skirts that bothers her, it’s the upcreep.—Grinnell “Malteaser.”

Never tell a woman that a thing is as plain as the nose on her face.— Denison “Flamingo.”

An excellent time to win freedom by means of good behaviour is before you go to gaol.—Publishers Syndicate.

John D. has another million in sight since axle grease bathing suits have been proposed.—Ohio State “Sun Dial.”

There is a movement in Chicago +0 outlaw prize-fighting. Probably Mayor Thompson has just discovered that the Marquis of Queensbury was a British subject.—San Diego Union.

Statistics show that there are 1,200,000 Smiths in the United States alone, and yet the comet that is now in the public eye had to be named after one Mr. Skjellerup.—New York “Evening Post.”

Laugh That Off, Cashier! —A woman went to the bank and aska for a new cheque book. “I’ve lost the one you gave me y’esterday\” she said. “But it doesn’t matter. I took the precaution of signing all the cheques as soon as I got it, so, of course, it won’t be any use to anyone else.”

It Seemed that Way. —A mother called her little daughter to her. “Just imagine, dear,” she said, “Aunt Mary has a new baby-, and now mamma is the baby’s aunt, papa is the baby’s uncle, and you are her little cousin.”

“Well,” said the astonished little girl, “wasn’t that all arranged quick!”

Brothers of the Male Sex. —The thin man darted across the platform, gasping: “Will you hold the train a moment for my wife, guard? She is coming now, and is just crossing the street.” “Can’t do it,” snorted the guard, as he raised his hand to signal the engineer. “B-but, she’s going away’ to stay six months!” cried the man. “If she doesn’t go now, she may change her mind!” “I’ll hold it,” replied the guard.

Quick Action Needed.—The minister began: “As I gaze about me this morning I see before me a great many ehininging faces. —" Immediately seventy-nine powder puffs made their appearance.

Good News.—"l’m afraid, madam.** said the doctor gravely, ‘your husband never will be able to work again." “Oh. just a minute, doctor.’’ exclaimed the wife. “I’ll go and tell him right away; it’ll cheer him up.**

Wait for the End.—A rich man died, leaving his total fortune to three friends—an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Jew —on condition that they each deposit £SO in his coffin. At the funeral the Englishman placed £SO In cash inside the casket, the Irishman put his £SO in notes, while the Jewdeposited his cheque for £l5O, taking out the £IOO cash for his change. The cheque was cashed the next day. The undertaker was a Scotsman!