A JEST OR TWO

Sun (Auckland), Volume I, Issue 276, 11 February 1928, Page 25

A JEST OR TWO

Caught the Symptoms.—" Did that patent medicine you bought cure your aunt?” “Mercy, no! On reading the circular that was wrapped around the bottle she got two more diseases.” Joyous Alibi.—“ You should be more ireful to pull your shades down at night. Last night I saw you kissing your wife.” "Ha, ha, ha! The joke is on you. I wasn’t at home last night.” Ducking the Stork.—John, aged six, was told that he had to go to the hospital to have his tonsils removed, and his mother was bolstering up his morale. “I’ll be brave and do just what you tell me. mother," he promised, “but I betcha one thing, they don’t palm off no crying baby on me, like they did on you when you were in the hospital.”

Frightful Shock.—The inevitable has come. An automobile at Flint, startled at the sudden appearance of a horse, ran away and crashed into a post. Feather in His Cap.—Nitt: “Her husband owes a lot to her, doesn’t he?” Witt: ‘Sure; nobody ever heard of him before she shot him.”

Buying Trouble. —“ Men are so hard to buy for,” complained the sweet young thing. “Yes,” sighed the spinster of 43, “and I hope you’ll never learn how hard it is to get a man to buy for.” Page Mr. Chaplin. —School girls of Yakima, Washington, have made an apple-pie 10 feet in diameter, eight inches deep and filled with a ton of fruit. What a wonderful movie this would make if they could only find a comedian strong enough to throw it. Had His Name Pat.— Tillie (to young man passing by): “Hello, John!” Millie: “Is his name John? Your father told me it was Mat.” “Oh, no. Father just calls him that because he always trips over him at our front gate.” Worked With a Will. —A couple of neighbours were leaning over the fence exchanging gossip. “My husband,” remarked one, “says he always does better work when he's thinking of me.” “That so,” responded the other. “What a good job he made of beating the carpets yesterday! ” A Moving Sight. —A man arrived at a house to take an inventory of the furniture. He was so long over his task in the dining-room that the lady of the house came to see what had happened. She opened the door, and saw him lying asleep in a chair. By his side was an empty decanter. But he had not forgotten his inventory. At the top of th© page was a solitary entry: "Revolving carpet, one.” The Interested Critic. —.Willie Walker paused outside the local cinema. A poster had caught and held his attention. Presently the commissionaire, an old friend of Walker’s, appeared on the scene. “Is it a good picture?” asked Walker, nodding to the advertisement. "No," answered the other bitterly; “rotten! Better stay outside and save your money.” “H’m,” said Walker. “If you say those sort of things to people, you’ll get yourself the sack before long.” The commissionaire’s reply was even more venomous. “I’vtt got it,” he said.

Those Blues. —Nitt: “How can you tell whether they’re dancing or just necking?” Witt: “If they don’t move they’re dancing.” Hygienic Strife. —“l am very careful; whenever I quarrel with my wife, I send the children for a walk.” “Dear little things, one can see they get a lot of fresh air.” Turning Over a New Leaf. —lt was visiting day at the gaol, and the uplifters were on deck. “My good man,” said one kindly lady, “I hopo that since you have come here you have had time for meditation and have decided to correct your faults." “I have that, mum,” replied the prisoner in heartfelt tones. “Believe me, the next job I pull, this baby wears gloves ’*