FROM THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume I, Issue 249, 11 January 1928, Page 8

FROM THE WATCH TOWER

By “THE LOOK-OUT MAN

THE SMALLEST FLOUNDER The capture of the world’s largest broadbill Swordfish at Russell has aroused the greatest enthusiasm, and there will be keen competition from now on for big “swordies.” Tastes appear to tend in a different direction on the Auckland waterways. Judging by the size of the fish supplied him in some of the city grill rooms, the L. O. M. imagines there must be a competition for the capture of the world’s smallest flounder. NATURAE GAS Astonishment was caused residents of Te Aroha by the discovery of natural gas during boring operations. When a match was applied to the pipe there issued ; white flame of intense heat. But there is nothing exceptional about this. It is well known that If a match were applied to the ventilators while Parliament was in session,, the legislative gas manufactured within the House would furnish flames sufficient to light all Wellington. This would mean a great saying to the municipal authorities, if taken advantage of; but to utilise the gas in the manner suggested would be regarded as a breach of parliamentary privilege. So Wellington remains in comparative darkness, despite its gigantic gasometer. A KINDLY GOVERNMENT While most nations are finding it difficult to balance their Budgets, Spain has a surplus of nearly £1,000,000. This the Government proposes to utilise for the purpose of enabling poor people to redeem their pawned clothing. There is no hope in this for the destitute of New Zealand, however. By the time the Government of this country can show a surplus, the pawned goods of the poor will he moth-eaten and hopelessly behind the fashions, or else the interest on them will have mounted to such a height that it would be cheaper to purchase new goods. The only chance for some of us to replenish the wardrobe would be another war and a military issue. THE DAUGHTER''TELLS The daughter was the prude this time. She wrote and told dad that mother had taken to smoking, and dad came hot-haste from Sydney. When he arrived home, he gave mother a beating. When he arrived before the magistrate, he was given 14 days’ imprisonment. People can carry their objections to nicotine too far In this case there certainly was no analogy to link the cigarette with the pipe of peace. “They all do it now,” observed the magistrate, when dad complained of his wife smoking. “Well, I don’t like it,” said dad. He won’t like the non-smoking compartments at Mount Eden, either. * * Sie THE NEW WAY They are following a new procedure at the Auckland Police Court. When a young woman from Hamilton was presented there ; sterday on the elastic charge of “idle and disorderly,” the prosecuting officer said he did not desire to bring the facts before the court, and handed a written statement to the magistrate, who read it, observed it was “a fine state of affairs,” and adjourned the case for six months, so that the girl could be placed in the care of the Salvation Army. If the court continues to follow this procedure, it will save a lot of trouble. All the police will have to do will be to arrest a man (or woman), write their opinions on the case and leave the rest to the magistrate, or judge. It will then be as easy to hang a man as a dog, and the public will not be -harrowed by the morbid details of the murder. The suppression of names is a regular thing; the suppression of evidence follows. Logically, the next thing should be the suppression of the courts. Yes, “a fine state of affairs,” truly.

WOODENHEAD The discourteous remark made recently by a foreign Minister to the effect that the diplomatic representative of another country was “a woodenhead,” recalls the fact that lack of 1 brains was once popularly supposed to be the chief qualification for appointment to the diplomatic service. Perhaps the term “woodenhead” had its origin in the episode attributed to the court of Ivan the Terrible, as related by an English humorist. It was a bad morning, for Ivan was in a black mood, and had already thrown boiling oil over a lady whose morning appearance displeased him. Young Lord , one of the brightest ornaments of the British Embassy, was announced. “Nail his hat to his head!” roared the Em pei’or. "I’ll teach these fellows to come disturbing me.” The court torturers seized Lord , and for some moments nothing was heard but the thud of the hammers as the nails were driven home. Then Lord , advancing briskly, approached the Emperor. “But seriously. Sir ” he began. The interview was entirely satisfactory, and Lord left the court greatly pleased with the results of his diplomacy. %