TOPICAL TITBITS

Sun (Auckland), Volume I, Issue 246, 7 January 1928, Page 23

TOPICAL TITBITS

Waves of prosperity, to the spendthrift. are generally breakers.—" Detroit News.” In telling her age a woman is often shy—in more ways than one.—“ Wall Street Journal.” • mm The old-fashioned girls who used to go in for frills are now coming out strongly for thrills.— "Arkansas Gazette.” Even in the old days a lot of fellows kissed the bride, but not so many before the ceremony.—“ Vallejo (Cal.) Chronicle.” Even in Bible times it was customary to anoint the head with oil. but not by crawling under the car.—“ Wichita Falls Record-News." Some families go right on spending money for beefsteak and flour when they haven’t a fur coat on the premises—“ North Adams (Mass.) Herald.” m m m Among the ailments that aro conveyed from dogs to man we note the inclusion of insomnia. Some people get it from the dog next door.—“ Punch.” • • • The next world war, say the ervtomlogists, wil be with insects, and it will certainly look queer to see the howitzers firing eight-inch moth-balls.— “Detroit News.”

Fifty-fifty.— He: “Mabel says she thinks I’m a wit.’* She: “Well, she's half right. Once There was a Dodo.— Back in the days when skirts swept the ground, it wasn’t unusual to see a daughter sweep a room. Six-cylinder Shooter. —He: “Billy the Kid, the famous Arizona desperado, killed 19 men before he was 21.” She: “What kind of a car did ho drive?” m The Cat’s Rival.—Dora: “But why are you so afraid of being run over. Uncle?” Uncle: “Well, you see, it’ll be my thirteenth time.” She Took the Hint.—Rve: “I think a man should give his Wife plenty of rope.” Ernest: “Yeh! I did with mine and she skipped.” Can the Scraps.—Briggs: “Do you and your wife ever have any family jars?” Griggs: “They are not unknown in our menage. Margaret and I fnd them good things to preserve cur temper in.” Chicago Contraband. —Chicago Cop. —“What've you got in that car?” Gangster: “Nothin’ but booze, officer.” Cop: “I beg your pardon: I thought it might be history books.” • • • Super-Salesman Plus.—From the hall where the salesmen’s convention was being held came roar after roar of applause. “What’s all the noise about?” asked a policeman of a man who had j.jst stepped out. “They've been making speeches,” replied the latter, “and somebody just introduced the man who sold Mussolini a book on how to acquire selfconfidence.”

Fido or Rover.—Wives in four Virginia counties are going to stage a husband-calling contest at the State fair. The performance is to be judged on clearness of voice, originality, sincerity of purpose and appearance of contestant, according to the Fort Myers “Press.” It seems the judges will miss the point. It isn’t hew the wives call their husbands, but what. Wisdom Came Later.—Bobbie had been a bad boy, and consequently Ms despairing mother had reported things to his father. The father was very stern when ho interviev/’ed Robert. “Oh, don’t beat me.” walled tho small boy. “Please don’t beat me, father!” “But, Bobbin, dear.” the father said, as he took up a leather slipper, “remember the words of that very wise man King .Solomon—‘spare the rod and spoil the child.*” “800-hoo!” wept the small bey. “I notice that Solomon didn’t say thoe# ..words until ho w#s grown upF