LIFE’S ACID TEST

Sun (Auckland), Volume I, Issue 241, 31 December 1927, Page 16

LIFE’S ACID TEST

BY MRS. ABBIE HARGRAVE I It is not given to all of us to be the j consistently wise mother, much less to achieve perfection in that most human of all relationships. Yet, when the time comes that we are asked to extend the soft wings of motherhood over another, not of our blood, not of our choosing, there is the real “acid test”— the chance to show what our love is worth. If a lot of self-sacrifice goes to make the successful mother, something like complete self-suppression is required of the mother-in-law. To have made her a figure of ridicule for so many years has been the sorriest jest. Pier position is nearer tragedy, unless she is clever enough to turn the tables—on herself. Because it is not easy, and needs such continuous effort, it is all the more worth doing well, if only as an example of what can be done. To treat the position in the haphazard, mood-ridden fashion unhappily so common, is to lose a fine opportunity. With regard to a daughter’s marriage, there is less temptation to fail, as a rule, than when a son brings you a strange, and often quite inappropriate girl, expecting you to see her instantly through his own exaggeratedly rosy spectacles. The son-in-law has the pull of his sex—and the woman who is too old to feel that—is no woman! In Earlier Days Probably the daughter's infatuation for the young man of her choice, will not seem half so incongruous as many of her earlier “crushes,” for school friends, teachers, even middle-aged women. You were jealous of them, however nobly you bid the fact! There is much truth in the old saying that a daughter remains a daughter all her life. You have only to cut out all unreasonable demands, to fuss your son-in-law a little but not too much, to bid your time, the time of blind love, and most likely you will find yourself a woman who has gained a. devoted, and loyal, son through your daughter’s marriage. You will also be buoyed up by the secret knowledge that you would have been terribly disappointed if she had not married—even in these days when marriage is by no means exalted as it was. Equally true, however, is the other part of that say: “A son’s a son until he get’s him a wife”—except to the very fortunate ones. Here, every woman walks on the edge of disaster—yes, from the first moment of introduction, for men, especially young men. are extraordinarily sensitive, and possessive. A slighting word —less than a word—a silence, and the mischief may be done: a barrier raised that can never be wholly lived down. Reproachful “You know you never liked her from the first—!” You’ve got to like her, and without hesitation, if you want to keep your son! If you lose the confidence of your son. you may even over-cloud his happiness. It does not follow because he hotly defends his choice against the world that you—and you alone — cannot rub a little of the bloom from his romance with your disapprovaL He will marry the girl just the same —but she won’t perhaps be quite the same to him. You will have planted a seed of discontent in his Eden —you don’t want to do that! Undoubtedly it is almost superhumanly difficult to be the best sort of mother-in-law. Yet, like all things into which %ve are forced to put our best endeavour, it has many rewards.