FROM THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume I, Issue 134, 27 August 1927, Page 8

FROM THE WATCH TOWER

By

“THE LOOK-OUT MAN”

HOW THEY DO IT TO-DAY Time was when officers commanded their men. Not so to-day; the men command their officers. Old-time windjammer skippers and their mates used to find a belaying pin a very handy and efficacious implement to argue with. Now the windjammers have gone, and with them almost all the respect due by men to their office .-s. Two big steamers, the Marama and the Maheno, were delayed for a full day in Sydney because the stewards refused to sail with the chief and second stewards, who were “harsh and unjust.” The dispute in no way concerned the Marama, but the stewards of that ship were with the stewards of the MaSieuo, right or wrong. HAILING DAY Soon we shall have something like this: Scene: The smoking saloon of an ocean liner. Present: The managing director of the steamship company, the captain, officers, seamen, firemen, stewards and ship’s boys. The officers are cowering in one corner. Managing Director: What now. men? Chorus of ship’s company: We will not sail! M.D.: What? Not sail? Chorus: No! M.D.: Why, men? Is the food not good enough? Chorus: Fair enough. M.D.: Are the eggs not fresh? Chorus: Fresh enough. M.D.: Is the poultry not good? Chorus: Pretty tough. M.D.: And the oyster soup? Chorus: ’Twill do. M.D.: And the trifle and the jellies and the fruit? Chorus (impatiently): Belay, belay! M.D.: What is the matter, men? Chorus (thunderingly): The captain! (Captain dives behind his chief officer and hides under table.) M.D.: Is he not a good captain? Chorus (mightily) : No! M.D.: Has he not an international reputation? Did he not fight with great distinction in the war? Has he not a foreign-going extra-master’s certificate, first-aid and wireless certificates, and pilot-exemption certificates for all harbours? Chorus: Ytes, yes! M.D.: Then what is wrong? Chorus: He is harsh and unjust in his dealings with the crew. M.D. (paling): What’s this I hear? Chorus: He is most unreasonable. M.D.: Do I hear aright? Chorus: He is Impolite. M.D. (staggering slightly): Heavens! How so? Chorus:. He insulted the cabin boy. (Cabin boy steps forward.) M.D.: Ha! What is this? C. 8.: He asked me to bring his coffee up on to the bridge, and he did not say “please.” Chorus: He did not say “please.’ M.D. (reeling): This is too terrible! Chorus: The captain must go. M.D.: I fear he must. Chorus: He undoubtedly must! M.D.: It shall be so. Chorus: And the cabin boy must be captain. M.D.: ’Tls only just. Chorus: No more than just. [The captain is seized and stripped of his unform, which (several sizes too large) is donned by the cabin boy. The disrated officer is bundled over the side with the M.D., the gangways are raised, the new captain goes up to the bridge, the crew return to their stations, and the ship sails, to the strains of “Will Ye No Come Back Again”]

GOING VP! “Half a ton of dynamite, please—and not too many coals in it.” The stuff they are selling for coal just now is more explosive than combustible. Grates are blowing up all over the place. Is it another Bolshevik plot, or. what? If this sort of thing goes on, we will have to store our coal in concrete explosive safes. Anyone who tries to make a fire of it is in grave danger of having coals of fire heaped upon his head in a very literal sense. “WHEREVER HE MAY BE” Apparently there is some doubt in the mind of the young Fijian as to ultimate destination. A class at the Suva Grammar School was asked to write a letter of condolence as an exercise in letter-writing. This was the effort of one boy: “Dear Mrs. Jones,—We regret to hear that your beloved son, Jack, passed away yesterday afternoon. We are among the sympathisers of our town and, when our time comes, we hope that we may join him, wherever he may be.”