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Sun (Auckland), Volume 1, Issue 4, 26 March 1927, Page 22 (Supplement)

An Earnest Effort.—While walking along a main road between two villages an engineer came across a man in charge of a traction-engine that had stuck fast owing to the road giving way under the heavy weight. Deciding to help the man, he first inspected the steam-gauge. It registered 101 b. pressure. “ ’Fraid you’ll never get out with only that bit of steam,” he remarked to the driver. “Better wait until there’s a bit more.” “Ten pounds do you say?” retorted the other heatedly. “Why, man, the safety-valves be screwed down an’ that pointer’s away round for the second time!” A Good Reason, Too.—The inspector was paying his monthly visit to the village school. He examined the children in reading and general knowledge, as was his custom, and was very pleased with the answers he received. After the last question had been asked and answered satisfactorily, he rose to his feet and remarked genially : “I wish I were a little boy at school again ” He allowed a few moments for this to sink in, and then added: “Do you know why I wish that?” For a moment or two there was silence, and then a small boy at the back of the room was heard to say: “ ’Cos you’ve forgotten all you ever knowed.”

Hugh Try It. —A foreigner once rashly asserted that he had thoroughly mastered the English language, whereupon someone asked him to write from dictation the following: As Hugh Hughes was hewing a Yule-log from a yew tree, a man in clothes of dark hue came up to Hugh and said: “Have you seen my ewes?” Said Hugh: “If you will wait until 1 hew this yew I will go with you anywhere in Europe to look for your ewes.” A Pressing Engagement.—He pressed her to marry him, and though not greatly impressed, she consented. Duly published in the Press, the engagement made a deep impression on the hearts of several impressionable young ladies. Their remarks were impressive, and perhaps somewhat impressionistic, but the engaged couple pressed on at high pressure with their preparations. But suddenly, the young lady, pressed to name the day, said that wasn’t the pressing she liked, and impressed on her fiance that the affair was not pressing. “Time presses,” he urged, “Oh, wine-presses, if you like,” she snapped, and pressed the bell for the maid to show him out. In a fit of despondency he screwed himself down in his trousers press, and died of a permanent crease.

Not So Honourable.—A ®“ cr ' scarred veteran occupied a seat in i tramcar, and opposite to him a®* B benevolent-looking old gentleman,vgazed with seeming interest on wrugged face, and at length said: “1 think, my friend, you are th® sessor of some exciting experience*“X should think so, sir.” replied ** warrior. “This gash across my b llO this seam down my cheek, and cloven chin, each cost more than life in a hand-to-hand fight.** g “Dear me,” said the old “I can quite believe it. Ana you come by that deep indentatio your nose ?” r The warrior hung his head seemed unwilling to reply. “Come, now, Joseph,’’ said his half, who was seated beside hiiA '• the gentleman how you got “You keep quiet, Maria,* sniW the Warrior. .... j^iy T won’t!” snapped Maria. **■ . riles me to hear you bragging! marks you got from the while you ignore the most not u . e 3 of ’em all —the one I gave you I hit you with the fire-shovel.