A JEST OR TWO

Sun (Auckland), Volume 1, Issue 4, 26 March 1927, Page 22 (Supplement)

A JEST OR TWO

At Beauty's Call.—Some women think more about having their faces lifted thah they do the mortgage on the house. Mrs. Noah Identified.—“Oh, papa, can you tell me if Noah had a wife?” “Certainly—Joan of Arc. Don’t ask silly questions.” Such is Progress.—Lovers in the old days gassed on the step; nowadays they—oh, you finish it! Sunny Side of an Eon.—The bones of a woman presumably a million ye \rs old have been found in Asia. But you’ll never get her to admit she is a day over a hundred thousand. A Tall Match.—Heshe: Did you hear about the wooden wedding: Shehe: I’ll bite. Heshe: Two Poles were married. Wise Virgin.—Hostess: What’s the idea of bringing two boy friends with you? Guest: Oh, I always carry a spare. Blooming Loud Speaker.—“ Are you going to the flower show?” “No, it’s too much trouble; I think I’ll stay home and get it over the radio.” Dry Aquatics—- “ Mother, may I go out to swim?” “No, my darling cutie; My precious pet must not get wet, You are a bathing beauty!”

In at the Death.—Mrs. Kaylor: Was your theatre party a success? Mrs. Taylor: Yes, indeed; we arived in time to see almost all of the last act.” Poetical Sympathy.—A son at college wrote to his father: No mon, no fun, your son. The father answered: How sad, too bad, your dad. Equal to Anything.—“My dear young; lady,” said the clergyman in grieved tones, as he listened to an extremely modern woman tear off some of the very latest jazz on the piano, “have you ever heard of the Ten Commandments” “Whistle a few bars,” said the young lady, “and I think I can follow you.” Practical Accomplishment.—A paciflstic gentleman stopped to try to settle a juvenile row. “My boy,” he said to one of the combatants, “do you kno-w what the Good Book says about fighting?” “Aw!” snorted the youth, “fightin’ ain't one of them things you kin get out of a book, mister.” Where 0~»'' Man is Vile.—Visitor: How does the land lie out this way? Native: It ain’t the land that lies; it’s the real estate agents. Roadside Tinker.—Brown: I hear Jones is letting the rest of the world go by. Greene: Retired, eh? Brown: No, bought a used car.

Feminine Version.—The obedient husband handed his .wife his first pay after their marriage. “Here’s the week’s roll, dear.” he said. “Humph!” she snorted, after counting the bills, “this isn’t anything like the rolls that father used to make.” Stunning Alibi.—Liza was on the witness stand. “Are you positive,” inquired the prosecutor, “that you know where your husband was on the night this crime was committed?” “Ef Ah don’t,” replied the coloured witness firmly, “den Ah busted a good rollin’ pin ovah an innercent man’s haid, dat’s all!” The Whole Hog (so to speak).— “Statistics show,” declared the bespectacled woman lecturer, “that the modern. common-sense style of woman’s dress has reduced accidents on the street cars by 50 per cent.” “Why not do away with accidents altogether?” piped a masculine voice from the rear of the hall. In Other Words.—A schoolgirl paraphrased the line “to bicker down the valley,” from Tennyson’s poem, “The Brook,” as follows: “To have an undignified quarrel in a low place among the hills.” Another girl, given the line from “Lochinvar,” “he stayed not for brake,” paraphrased it: “Pie never stopped for a mechanical contrivance to reduce speed by means of friction.’