The War on Gallipoli

Stratford Evening Post, Volume XXVIV, Issue 1, 4 December 1915, Page 5

The War on Gallipoli

,-dTES BY A'RETURNED NEW

ZEALAND SOLDIER.

THE HUMOUR OF THINGS.

(By C.S.KD

Soldiers are fond ol jokes, and every campaign breed:; a batch of 'them. Here are a few which 1 ran across on and about the Peninsula; There are many jokes about Achi Baba, the big hill at the Cape Holies end, the taking of. which would simplify operations greatly. At Gaba Tepe every few days one would be informed that Achi Baba had been taken —by a man with a camera! A bold threat by a soldier who had seen a great deal too much of Achi Baba; “I’ll fix. Add Baba ! One of these dark nights I’ll take him by the chain, lead him off somewhere and loscdiitn.” Another witty remark; “Why wait for Achi Balia to fall—creep up on© of these times and push it ovei*.^ A New Zealand miner, speakifg of a fight in a tunnel with bombs: “There is no jocular side of a hand bomb. If you take a running jump at it, it catches you in the dining-room: If you take a running jump at the horizon away from it, it catches you in the sitting-room: in any case, it Itioks very much like a halo for. you.” An Australian Light Horse man had on his cap a legend to the effect that he belonged to the “Australian Dpst Horse,” a regretful allusion to the fact that his horse was in Egypt, and ho was in the trenches. Another, trekking with all hi s household furniture, described himself as “Australian Draught Horse.” Two tragical tales. The'soldier gets home, knocks at the front door of his mother’s house, and speaks thus to his mother when site appears: “Mother, your darling soldier hoy has come. hom e to die.” Mother: “Well, go round into the fowl-house and do it—don’t dirty my clean verandah.”—Soldier: “Father, your soldier boy has couie home brimming over with repentance and love.” Father: “Have you got any money ?”■ . Soldier:' VSfav Father; “Well, hop off to blazes and

get some.” -f® . By their works(P) ye shalfUknow them.— Sentry (at - fnixed i QrtVp; ' to soldier passing ’ in) i J “Wh«R goes there?” Soldier: '‘Ninth.i Mrthchcster.” (Latch, to - sfecbnd' ■ jSoldier): “Who 'goes therdPU ( Soldier ; /‘Scots Fusilier/’ 5 Sfcntry ;■ •“PassPW Scots Fusilier.” (Later again, to third soldier)“Who goe s thpre,?” 'Soldier; “What the Austro-German Arab has that got’ to do with you, you BulIgarian Turk.” (Or words to that.effect.) Sentry: “Pass Australian.- , Quoth one man, grumbling about the thin diet in the fever hospital: “I can feel the flesh dropping otf me. Quoth his cheerful,’ hut sarcastic, mate • “It gets wearisome lying here with nothing to do hut watch yourself grow fat.*’ J. uJI . , A poor private, wap. doing guard, be-f in<» at his post for two hours, and at. hi/leisufe for?four -hours during the* twenfy-fd'ur He was wakened once* in the night to take guard, and again| iby mistake) at “staml-to” early the morning, but he had to wake «P| autl t*H the waker that his duty al-1 lowed him to sleep, on. He turned | over and went to sleep again, and was * soon again awakened for guard with: the usual remark: “Shake up! Its six o’clock.” Half asleep the poor private rubbed his eyes and said: “Blast this Turkish place—it’s always j some German time or another.” Wounded man from Cape Helles, in the course of telling how he came by his wound: “Of course, when you re in die thick of it, you are liable to lose your head.” Listener: I wouldn’t lose my head unless it was knocked off by a shell.”-Let us hope

‘ The trousers stocked by the Bni««M troops, which New Zealanders -Mutinies had to wear when their own f stuff wot worn but. seem to have been made "for people with very long legs y and the tunic is a short and skimpy y article of dress. Thur a disgusted | New Zealander, who did not fancy the | figure he cut in his British togs: . “TJii’.s is a get-up and a half'—the coat fits you yesterday and the pants i fit you to-morrow.” £ On a great many occasions the soldier has to vield m> his number, name. , name of unit, length of service, re* ; lie-ion etc. even sometimes the W ’ of his hat or hoots .and never mor * often than when he is being P ,! > through the hospitals. In the case oj one chap 1 saw in hospital he hrd evidently given his name so often th" fie spoke of it in his sleep. Quo! l lie ; “Have you brought your name and address with you?” * There was ■ pause in which the person ad dr esse I no doubt said: “I’m verv sorry.b 1 left it at home on the hitch piano,” after which the sleeper clos-d the incident with the remark: • well mjver mind.’ The recruit does not always rente-i----ber the correct names of the parts o the rifle. Officer (to recruit): “Is y<- ’f rifle loaded?” Hecn.it: “Yes One cartridge in th fr tube and five the tin.” (Tin the magazine.) The shells which we send oyer to i Turks are described «s “Hon Ratioor “Turkish Delight.”