THE KAISER’S WILL—STILL ANOTHER VERSION.

Stratford Evening Post, Volume XXXX, Issue 65, 12 November 1914, Page 7

THE KAISER’S WILL—STILL ANOTHER VERSION.

Apparently, if the London printers are to bo believed, the Kaiser has made a number of last “wills and testaments.” A local resident supplies a version different from tue one published last Saturday which also has just arrived from London. It is entitled; “Last Will and Testament of the Kaiser: Revoking all Wills Made Heretofore : Unofiicial; Made and Signed under the Seal of> the O.P. (Opposer of Peace).” The body of the document reads as follows ; “The Kaiser’s Despair: Realising that the End is Near, he Makes His Will: from our Special Correspondent in Berlin:—lt is rumored in Germany that the Emperor now realises that his number is up, and is accordingly making his Will, revoking al Wills made heretofore. The Will is said to read as follows: Tins is,the last Will and Testament of me, Wilhelm, the super-swauker and ruler of the sausage-eaters, who, recognising that I am fairly up against it, and expecting to meet with a violent death at any minute at the hands of brave Johnny Bull, hereby make my last Will and Testament. I appoint the Emperor of Austria to be my sole executor (by kind permission of the Allies). 1. I give and bequeath to France the territories of Alsace and Lorraine (as this is only a case of returning stolen property, I don’t deserve any credit for it, and am not likely to get it either. 2. To Servia 1 give Austria. 3. To Russia I give Turkey, for the Czar’s Christmas dinner. 4. To Belgium I should like to give all the thick ears, black eyes and broken noses that she presented me with when I politely trespassed mi her territory. o. To Admiral Jellicoe I give all my Dreadnoughts, Submarines, Torpedo-boat Destroyers and fleet of Funkers generally—what’s left of them. He’s bound to have them in the end, so this is only anticipating events. 6. To John Bull I give what’s left of my Army as lus General French seems so handy at turning my men into sausage.meat. I suppose he means to finish the job with his Kitchener, the champion Ger-man-sausage cooker. 7. To the British Museum I leave my famous moustaches—a souvenir of the greatest swanker in this or any other age. 8. To Mrs Pankhurst and the wild women I leave my mailed list. They’ll find it useful, no doubt, when they resume their militant tactics. 9. To Sir Ernest Shackleton I leave the Pole. I’ve been up it for so long that I regard it as my own property. (Signed) H. I. M. Wilhelm, Lox-d of the Land, Sea and Air, not forgetting the Sausages and Lager Boer. Signed by the above-named Wilhelm as his last Will in the presence of us his ministers and keepers present at the same time, who, in his presence and in the presence of eacli other, have hereunto subscribed our names as witnesses: Baron von Sauerkraut; Graf von Munichlagerbier.”