Sensational Evidence.

Stratford Evening Post, Volume XXXVII, Issue 95, 22 December 1913, Page 2

Sensational Evidence.

OLD MAr: ? o oAreer of

CRIMINALITY.

LOCAL TRADES VICTIMISED.

SERIES OF CUNNING THEFTS.

AN ALARMING DENOUEMENT.

There was a big attendance of '.tratford people at the Court, when n old gentlerii'a'n' of benign' ctAmteiVnce was charged on innumerable aunts with thefts from local busiess men. A REMARKABLE CASE. The Crown Prosecutor, in opening tte case, said it was easily the most nnarkable case of which he had ever ad experience, and lie very much iubted whether T.L.R. of N.Z.L.K. raid produce anything to equal the • s'e in point of startling features. The Bench: Hurry up. Get to the oint. Crown Prosecutor: But I must seize ;rar Worship of tae importance of he case. The Bench : I will see for myself 'hat the case is like when you call it) evidence. Crown Prosecutor: It is a customry thing to describe the case in open-

Don't Argue; the Point.

The Bench: Proceed with your ad•ress. I would like it well known that nybody who argues the point m this "ou'rt will be forcibly ejected. • Crown Prosecutor: Your Worship ■leases. Proceeding, he said accusli had been arrested as a result of in ~ he CujTTfiaf Gfiiifi— andi :' it had not been that he had overone it in this direction, it was doubtil if his crimes would have ever een discovered. T)ie Bench : You're getting prosy nd verbose again. Crown Prosecutor:. I am doing the ,est I can to please your Worship, 'crhaps I had better not make an pening address. ..- The Bench: An excellent idea. .. Crown Prosecutor: Your Worship leases. I will proceed to call the vidence. The Bench: Very good.. An Attack oh. Beer. Patrick Phelan, licensee of the Com-, 'iercial Hotel, gave" evidence that all. ;he liquor sold at Us house was of xcellont quality. He corild especially scohrinend his, port wine as a guar an. ~50 of good faith (he drank it hjmslf) if anybody was desirous of putting a shingle on his roof. | a The Bench : I. cannot make a reliest in this connection, but I cerliinly trust: the, ( , will, .take" no oticfc of evidehc*<? b,f this description. The Press: Your Worship pleases. Witneps;:, iiito my" Jar* n a highly delighted; stated l . He said: flood day." 1 'said: ' ''Good *day." fe said: "I got nft.niofley—gimme a ieer."'T said: a crack ' 'ehind the ear. VyH& said V'limine a eer and I'll 4}fH.|'you iia ( fHakner's •'avorite DriH-I«*ft «f !U*Jlt*|sls kinds f drills, well known and well liked 'j this district, ah'd stocked by th'o •few Zealand Loan and Mercantile Vgency Company, Llmiietk (and reduced), Stratford Branch, W. A. Hewitt, agent." i , . The Bench: I know I can rely on the good sense of ..the., press not to, publish these trivialiandiitinnecesgarX' rerriarks. They , are irrelevant! !*tbV this case., „J ...i,.,. (/ M i-. ( )..

The Press : Your Worship. pleases. , Counsel for Accused : These remarks, however, should l he gratifying to tlie Loan people", arid they might he persuaded to pay the papers weli to republish them. The Bench: Just so. I didn't think of that. Crown 'Prosecutor (to witness): Well, accused said id you: ''l'lTgivS >-ou a Farmer's Favorite drill, one-of the host kinds of drills, well known and—" • The Bench: That's enough of that. Drills Not Wanted.

Continuing, witness said: I said • '"You get out of here and take your. >ld drill with you. I wouldn't give, you i beer for all the drills in the' Mahidl: I wouldn't give you a beer if you gave hie a e'o'nipulsbry half-day parade." He said: "Well, I'll give you x lovely Caltliorpe motor car, df that tip-top sort that Mr H; E. Abraham (Mr Newton King's gtratford manager) sells in dozens when he has leisure from the disposal of millions of sheep and cattle arid other things. These cars go: you ask Mr Abraham {or "Don" Cameron) and he will tell you the sitirie." I said: "It's he* *p." He said; "I'll givb ybu a longshaf te'r gig riiade by the Egmbn t Coach And Carriage Cdmpany. It is bf~ex?ellent workmanship and is gdt up in a truly artistic fashibri." I said: "If vpii don't get to blitzes out of this iii che sriiall half of no tiriie I'll give you it crack on the back of the neck with i long-handled shovel. I bought it from Bellringer's, the folk that sell sverything that opens or shuts (whatever that means), and it'll just about break your neck for you, though a man must have a bit of a heck to try bo cadge a beer." I was getting a little angry, Your Worship. I began to suspect that the man was not quite sober.

The Bench: Your suspicion would seem to have been justified. Exuberant Rubicundity.

Witness: He said: "I'll give you that hat J just bought at Hallenstein Bros. The bloke that sold it to me said the firm were specialists in, all departriierits of men's wear, and he fluted up the firm by drawing attention to the fact that supplies had como forward to tlie Stratford branch, the strike notwithstanding. It was the little chap of the exuberant rubieunditv. . \

Counsel for Accused : He used those big words and still you say .you suspected him of being drunk. What nonsense! Witness: A decently sober man never uses long words. When I see a man in the bar that looks as if he has' had enough I say to hi in : "You say 'polysyllablicifcy' " and if ho says it I send him home to his wife. After accused's last remark T formed the conclusion that he was not sober. I took hold of him and pushed him oiit of the front door, remarking: "You steer your bark for Erin's Isle. There's no room for you at the Commercial Hotel, Broadway South, P. Phelan, proprietor, tariff moderate." Accused then went over the bridge. William Patrick Kirkwood, sworn, sa,id he was .Mayor of Stratford, a member or the executive of the Chamber of Cohlriieiee, 11 member of the executive of the A. and P. Association, a member of the Domain Board, etc.

Counsel for Accused: What do you do in your spare time? Witness: Answer silly questions.

Counsel: Surely Your Worship will not allow this witness to speak' in that saucy manner to me.

The Bench: If you speak out of your turn you can't say what will happen to you. Counsel: Your Worship pleases.

Modesty at a Discount. Witness: I am licensee of the County Hotel, the house where good Speight's beer can be procured. The Bench: These licensees don't ;eehi overburdened with modesty. Crown Prosecutor: It is possible that in the licensed victualling" trade medals are not given for modesty. Counsel for Accused: It is believible that in all trades-where goods ire sold the medals go to those who 3tock good Stuff and are not afraid to praise it publicly. The Bench: Very true, sir. A wise nan will not too highly praise goods vhich it will soon be discovered aro unworthy thereof. The. press representatives are wise and discreet men and I am sure they will make a note only f such statements here made as are jf wide general interest.. The Press: Your Worship pleases.

A Good Word for Our Show. Witness : I was sitting in my office eading the advertisements of Ah Ping ind On Kee, being desirous of finding nit where to purchase Christmas fruit, vhen accused came in and sat down. I ;aid: "What do you want?" He said: 'Unaccustomed as I am to public peaking and almost entirely unversed n the composition and delivery of reaarks in the classic, formal style, still :iust I stop at your door and let you* :n6w how highly I appreciated your •ecent Show. I have been to many ho.ws in New Zealand and elsewhere, rid I can honestly say that nowhere Ise have L seen such .«v fine display f Bibby's Cream Equivalent and of Veodian. These were exhibited by Mr 'oung, who, as you know, is retiring from business, leaving his business in the very capable hands of our friend Mr W. "Morant Bayly, whom you will join with me in prosperous •areer." I said: "Thanks for calling. Good-bye." He said: 'T would esteem it a great honor to drink with you at your expense." I said: "There is no danger of that happening." He .aid: "You give me a beer and I'll give vou a Duncan d.f. plough that I got rrom Mr Newton King. The name' of )uncan, as the advertisement says, .tands for all that is good in agricultural machinery. You can rely on stering quality, to, the saine extent that ou could rely on the firm's wellmown sterling manure." I said: "I | !on,'t want a plough. Go home. ' He aid: "Your brusque manner of speakig to customers will, _in tlio tjiid, ount against your business. Your manner is entirely in colitradistmcion to that of the urbane and . übi- : nitons', fruitefeiy Mi- Bate Graham, /lib'just, a few moments,ago was good nough to put 'on the 'slate' for me'a 1 Kicket of nasturtium seeds. and a uncli of turnips. Nofonlydid he"«erve -i«s with courtesy, but entirely disin- . >testedly and phiMfiwofiliically, went ••.it. of his way to -infoVm'-me that ho •quid hiWeiCvW.vFtealfe'iitt ; plum6'fold! i»aches for the Chrisfctjias trade, Stiro--7 your, heart is softened ?'\J said Ji'.'l.t q 'not. Get out!" 'He. said: "I think •oil must give hie a drink in exchange 'or. tliis cow cover and haystack cov-

!•.• They #>/W,i:l«WUJPl*d 'n. of", the Golden Horse Saddlery,

rid are honestly worth a guinea a ')6x." I said nothing. I had accu'sed shown the wav out. .. I .8 m.' •*> •♦* l(A ,ii ,Too Much Argument, hi-.np , I As iji'itness left the witness-box. the IlGnct; remarked : I. hope that,,is, .the I:!.si licensed victualler to he examined.. They all seem argumentative "and. talkative. I feel sometimes that most c>f jthcm have nifs#efl' , ' s tli&ir vocation •rid should have been solicitors., Crown Prosecutor :..Ther«i is oho more o he examined. The Bench: Well, I hope he hasn't )0 much ,to say. I'm getting hungry. Crown Prosecutor: So a'n'i I.

Counsel for Accused: So am I. Bench: If everybody who is getjug hungry says so, we will be here •ight over lunch time. Crowri Prosecutor: In all the,,circumstances I do riot think it will be necessary to call the other publican, tie would only testify.that in return for a drink accused' had offered .to

L';iye him a selection of silver arid e.p. vases arid shot pincushions,,. presented, him', accused said, Iry Mr John Pet•ie, the well-kriowri and loiig-establish-ecl jeweller, as a token of regard and ■r.s some indication of the splendid se--1 ction of these articles he is now showing in his window. The Bench: It will be, just as well if you d on 't caH the other publican. The Court seems to. have had ample I'idieatioii, by the evidence so far, of ,\ here moderate tariff, good table and ■rood liquors are kept. I think, also, that the Court can presume that accused's drunkenness has now been sufficiently proved, and the prosecution bail now load evidence more directly applicable to the thefts. How many more witnesses are there? Crown Prosecutor;. All these people i j the back of the .Court are to give evidence. .

The Bench (hurriedly): We will now adjourn for lunch.

A Use for Silly Questions.

On resumption, Charles E. James was put in the box. Ci;owh Prosecutor: What are you? Witness:,l am a tobacconist, jeweller, bookseller, stationer, dealer in toys, fancy goods and leather goods, etc. Counsel for Accused: It's a rude question, but how, do you spend your spare time ? the Bench: Counsel, of course, asks the question at his own risk and experts*}. Witness: I use my spare time in boosting my business every way I know. how. Counsel: That is a better occupation than answering silly questions. Witness: There are worse things th,an silly questions. l£\ anybody asks me a Billy question. I work into my reply a l , few remarks about the excellent" line ol' leather have stockled for the Christmas and New Year trade. . I combine boosting witli answering silly question's. The Bench : You are apparently doing that now. Counsel for Accused looked as if he !would have liked to have said some'thiilg that ho would have been sorry .for. I Witness: Quite a number of people have stopped to ask silly questions 'about my handsome 1 new shop front land have gone away with a parcel ol' Ifine assorted toys for the children. Crown Prosecutor: I am sorry to interrupt you, sir, but do you recognise this article? I Witness: Yes, it is a piece of genu-

ine hand-painted Doulthain crockery. I have a large line of it. I recognise Jit as my property. I Prosecutor: What is the value ol it? Witness: Half a crown. Prosecutor: But the price ticket on the bottom says a shilling. Witness: That is merely the selling :' price. Prosecutor: That will do. A Man With No Spare Time.

Thomas G. Grubb was the next witness. Prosecutor: What are you:-' Witness: I am a dealer in pianos, violins, flutes and accordeons, jew'sharps and other musical instruments, music, fancy goods, toys, art crockery and Liberty ware —especially Liberty ware. I run also director of the Fire Brigade and the Og&ratic Society. Counsel for Accused: It's a nule question, and you may think it n silly question, but what do you do with your spare time? Witness . 1 have none. Counsel: And therefore you never have to answer silly questions in your spare time? Witness: No. Counsel: Yen are very lucky. Witness: I don't know so much about that. I have to answer all icy sily questions in working hours and do my work in my spare time. Counsel: You are not Irish are you ? Witness: Not very; why? Counsel: Your last remark sounded somethink like a bull.

Witness: If it was, it was a purebred Jersey one. Prosecutor: I am very sorry to interrupt you, Mr Grubb, but you see this article 1 have in my hand—what it is? Witness: It is an upright grand piano with mechanical player attachment. It is the height of simplicity, and a child can work it. Prosecutor: Oh, look again, Mr Grubb. Witness:-1 beg your pardon, I just took a hasty look." I see now it is a kazoo. The Bench : A what ?

Withes : A kazoo. Some people c: II it a gezazzer but the correct name is kazoo. The Bench: What is it used ForP Music Hath Charms. Witness: It is an instrument constructed for the purpose of producing modulated sounds, the sound-produc-ing principle being the human wind. The Bench : In' short, it is a musical instrument P Witness: I would not care to commit- myself beyond the statement I made. The kazoo is an acquired tast \ One may eat haggis to the ment of bagpipes and still feel round for a brick when the kazoo is operated in his vicinity. Prosecutor: You. recognise this particular one as your property? Witness: Yes. Prosecutor: Very good. A'ou may stand down. Witness: Thanks awfully, I've been ..standing up for quite a long spell it will be quite an agreeable, change to stand down for a time. Prosecutor: You are very impertinent. Witness: You are very qmck-tem-pered. I'.anch: That will do. I cannot allow a stand-up fight in this Court. Witness: If there was any fight it would- be a stand-down fight. The Bench (to witness): Tf T hear your voice again this side of Jordan I'll imprison you for. contempt. The Bench (to Prosecutor) : I hops the rest of your witnesses are hot such windy people as your first witnesses. I'm getting hungry again. Prosecutor: So am I. .Say we go up to Air AV. Elder's for tea. lie's .- good North Briton, likes haggis and piping, knows how to cook, and turns out a grand meal at his shop in Broadway,

The Bene!): 1 feel sure the sagacious nrd discreet gentlemen who are hev> representing the press will publish only such portions of these proceedings as will be of help to the general public. The Tress: Your Worship pleases. The Bench : We will now adjourn for tea.

Regarding "Ncsewear." On resumption, Mr Kerby, Stratford manager for Messrs Morey and Son, drapers, was put in the witnessbox. . The Bailiff: Take the Book in your right hand. You needn't open it. You must swear that the evidence yon are about to give touching the suit of our sovereign lord the Kin<? against -shall he the truth, the whole truth and nothing hut the truth, so help you. Say: "I do." Don't kiss the Book. That's right. Put the Book down.

Prosecutor: You are the local manager for Morey 'and Son and your stock, while it includes everything in ladies' wear is particularly strong in fancy neckwear, fancy table linen. and—ei—hankies.

Witness: That is so. But we do not permit any cnHomer to refer to cer- '-■'■; (mods; c • ot as nosewear. If a lady comes in and says: "I want a c>)»te' or ''Give's a wipe" we say we don't stock them. Counsel for Accused: With Your Worship's permission, I" should like to put a question to witness. I know it is not quite regular, but Your AVorshii) knows how particular I am to follow all the rules." The Bench: 1 know all about you. Witness: If it's that bald-headed gag ab.out my spare time you'd better not ask me that. Counsel: It's quite a different matter. . . Prosecutor: I have no objection to any question. I agree with witness that it is iV.out time the spare-time | joke was put to bed. | A Question of Fair Dealing.

Counsel : You advertise a shilling in the pound discount.

Witness : Yes. Counsel: Can you look the Bench fair in the eye and say that you» allow discount in all cases—6d on 10s, ">d on /ss, and IJd on 2s 6d and so on? Witness:. Which eye am I to look into?

Counsel : Both eyes, of course. Witness: Which eye of mine urn F to use? Counsel : Botli eyes, of ionise. Witness: Your instinct ion was not vcrv lucid. Counsel:Don't he impertinent. Witness: Don't lose your temper. The Bench: C4et to business or I'll ring the gong. Witness: I can say that the discount is always allowed. Counsel : Now, be careful. Witness: I am always careful. If I wasn't I wouldn't have the big business connection I have., Counsol: That's enough about that. You didn't coma hare to b«o»t your business. Witness; Yea I

Counsel: Bui that's nut what you were brought here tor. Witness: That's another matter altogether, Counsel: Xo\\\ listen to what I'm going to say. Witness:'l've got to—l have no choice. Counsel: Don't he impertinent. Witness: Don't lose your temper. The Bench: The gong will go in a minute it' you're nor careful. A Touching Appeal. Counsel: Now, if there was a young girl, thirteen years old, who had to rise in the morning before she went to bed the night before in order to be in time to milk hi teen cows, before walking eight, miles to school, where she has to put in the day, fixing in her mind the place where Ma-. hornet died and the place where he was buried and also the correct way of dividing the number of acres by the number of cows in order- to ascertain the butter-fat test, and has to walk eight miles home again in the rain, milk fifteen cows and then prepare to get up for the next morning's milking: suppose that young, innocent

and hard-working infant came into your shop and said: "Gizzapacketapins. And wot about the discount?" If you gave her the pins would you charge her a full penny for those pins or would you follow the proper course of living up to your public promise:md write out a cheque for a twentieth of a penny and hand it to her? Now, be careful how> your answer. Witness: If she set about arguing the point about the discount 1 would tell her to put her penny and her pins in her pocket and go homo at once.

Counsel: And yet you say you are careful in your business! Witness:' It would be more economical in the long run than arguing the

point. \ Counsel: That is all I want. Prosecutor: You se? this article I have in my hand. Witness": Yes, it's a fine bath towel. We have a splendid line of them. Prosecutor:* Now, don't talk nonse'nse. You know perfectly well it's a piece of —er — nosegear. . Witness: So it is. But Grubb got in his upright grand piano that way and I didn't see why 1 shouldn't bring iu my bath towels in a similar manner. The Bench : The next witness who pulls in anything of the sort will get counted out without further notice. Prosecutor: You recognise the wipe as your property, and if it was found in accused's possession he must have stolen it. Witness: Yes. Prosecutor: That will do. Stain) down. Witness: I will step down or jump down if you like. The Bench: The next witness who argues with counsel about standing down will be stood in the corner for the rest of his natural born days without the option. I hope, sir, that your further witnesses will be merciful. It is getting time to get hungry again.

A Pooiic Tribute, ill. H. Robinson said lie was a draper and stocked all, kinds of goods suitable for ladies. Owing to the bad weather those stocking ladies' onepiece dresses were glad to quit them at any price. His .firm always bought for cash and sold for cash, and customers wore always ,givc.n the benefit gained by the use of ready money. The Bench: You're getting your speak in early. Witness; I must speak up as much as the other witnesses. Can Your Worship credit it that we are selling Jap, crepe frocks in all leading colors at 8s 6d each and coat and skirt linene costumes at .10* Qdand 12s 6d: The .Bunch : pon't. worry me about one-piece or two-piece, trocks. Probably a discreet, argument with counsel for accused might convince him that now is the time to get married, one!piece dresses being so cheap. Counsel : 1 have made a note of the matter.

Witness': The magnitude 'and fitableness of our business recently moved a noted poet to compose tin following poem:— Always the latest, aways the best. Always the prices to stand any test: Always the best selection, no t,v< alike, and suited to ladies of taste, Always the cheapest at Robinson and Son's. Counsel: That's not poetry. Witness: But it's true. Will Ycu Stifle Discussion. Counsel: With your Worship's permission I I Witness: I appeal to Your Worship to protect me from the sparo-timt joke, and the pin joke. 1 have nc 'spare time and don't advertise any discount. Counsel: Your Worship, in the nam* of the pin-buying public of Stratford 1 desire most" strongly to protest The Bench : Your protest is noted. Let the ease proceed. Counsel: Do 1 understand Your Worship to mean tl»at you will stifldiscussion on this vital question, at fecting, as it does, pretty well the whole'"" population of this large and flourishing-district, which is destined in the future to be the hub of Tara uaki. and to provide the best race meeting and A. and P. Show in the North Island? The Bench: I've heard too much and a bittock already about the pin joke. Counsel : Your Worship pleases. The Bench : 1 don't seem to please vou very often. Counsel : Your Worship, 1 am noi hard to please, and The Bench : Get on with the case. Prosecutor (to witness) : You see tliis article in my hand? Witness: Yes, it's a— — The Bench: Now, be careful. Witness: Thanks, Your Worship. It's a one-piece dress. If Your Worship had not reminded me I might have been tempted to say it was r. corset, our selection of which is large and varied. A voice from the back: Its no 1 fair letting him get it in that way. Prosecutor: Calm yourself, Mi Kerby. (To witness): You recognise it is your property? Witness: Yes. Prosecutor: Thai: will do. Impertinence from the Prisoner, The Ben: I'm getting hungry, again. The Prisoner : So am I. The Bench : Xobodv asked you t< speak. The Prisoner: Xobodv asked vol to speak. The Bench : It' you are impertinent i'li sentence yon to bread and wale 1 cells on the instant. The Prisoner: It would be a sighi more cheerful than standing her listening to this bally rot. The Bench: That will do. (T Prosecutor): How many more drap ers have you to call yet? They seer, as talkative and argumentative iu tin publicans. Prosecutor: I have about six more

to call and 1 can see no method of stopping them saying a little piece about their business. Perhaps it would be sufficient if 1 indicated shortly to Your Worship the lines in winch the witness specialise and the goods they have recognised as stolen from them. Counsel: I enter a protest. 1 demand that another witness bo put up who advertises a discount, hi the name of the pin-buying public of this large and thriving district, destined The Bench : 1 have that in my notes. Counsel: Does Your Worship suggest that the statement is untrue or that there is some possibility of it being tin true? The Bench: Oh, no; but one can hear a good thing too often. We've heard too much of your pin proposition, sound and reasonable as it is. Counsel: Your Worship pleases. Go on. -Don't mind me. The Bench (to Prosecutor): Proceed with vour list.

A Bulky List

Prosecutor: R. D. Lewers has traycloths, millinery and neckwear in great | variety ; A Spence says he defies competition in respect of ladies' hats;! Arch Rawles is very proud of his English travellers' samples of underwear ; | A. H. Herbert and Co. confidently state that they are unbeatable in any department of ladies' wear;_R. H. Unite invites inspection of%*; stock' if underwear (c.0.d.) ; the Egmont want men to see their ■dock of Bostock boots; the Melbourne Clothing Co. makes a point of good ptality men's wear at low prices; and Mrs McCallum desires to draw attehion to her big stock of general ladies' wear, especially millinery and ;?ar other than top-hamper. This pile if goods is the stolen articles. The Bench: Very good. Let's go to supper.' • The Prisoner: Yes, let's. The Bench: You be careful. The Prisoner: I'm getting terribly ired of these proceedings and in orler to shorten things 1 will make a dean confession of everything; but 1 can't do it on an empty stomach, and 1 must 1)0 let have a* good slipper. The Bench: You're a good sort. The Prisoner: Where are you going for supper? The Bench:'lt is immaterial. The Prisoner: Then let us go to Mrs jrooking's. All her stuff is handmade and home-made, and she's hard :o beat for a light refection. The Bench : As you wish, sir. On resuming after supper accused vent into the box. Counsel: What is your name ? Prisoner: I'll tell you later on. Counsel: What do you do for a iving? Prisoner: Not very much. Counsel: Where do you live? Prisoner: At home. Counsel: But where are you when ,-ou're at home? Prisoner: Beside the fire with one jf Dan Malone's Christmas hampers iiandy. Counsel: It doesn't seem much good isking you questions. Tell the Court rhab yon desire to say.

An Interesting Itinerary. Prisoner: I came into town via East load and could not fail to be struck ' ,-ith the fine assortment of furnishngs stocked by Messrs Evans and Tichbon. Very naturally, when I got no Broadway I gravitated towards uanuison's Mart, where 1 was not an atcrcsted spectator, while Mr Hawdns disposed of about six hundred lead of poultry. I was sorry for the joultry, seeing they were all due to ■e killed and eaten, but a turkey gobiler which fetched fourteen shillings aould have been to die at the nice, I then wei i .over to Mr J. K. 'tone, as 1 wanted my watch repair;J and 1 had heard i* was good at hat business. I said: "Kindly repair his watch: L will pay for it before ext June." He said he was afraid te was too busy to undertake my ork. 1 pocketed a silver ornament

,s I left. 1 hopped down jto R. B. Anderson's and tried to trade off the ilver ornament for three dinner nives, but he, also, was linn on the ash on delivery scheme, and I had to ontent myself with lifting a pair of .edge shears as 1 departed. I then ent into the Taranaki Hardware Jo.'s shop and made a good offer of silver ornament and a pair of hedge shears for half a dozen cups and aimers. The chap said: "Tre have stock of artistic crockery unsurnissed in Stratford, but we're not in he swap business. Good-bye." I removed hiir*»>f a small article as I left, hit side McMillan and Fredric's 1 saw chap and told him 1 wanted a Hot ulcaniser badly and did he think the irm would swap one for some things i had. He said: "I should'advise on not to try. The firm is largely concerned in sellinsi dairy factory machinery and in rearing Airedale ter,ers.'' 1 decided not to worry them. The Court Ceis Hungry. The Bench: You seem to he as .-indy as the rest of the people wo lave had here to-day. When I get ungry for breakfast 1 shall have to lose the Court for good, so hurry up. Counsel: I think accused should not ,o restricted. it is an important latter to him. The Bench: ft looks like eighteen pars' hard labor at present. Prisoner: I tried M. C. Aagaard for ■ swap, asking for a bridle. The chap .aid: "] think it's a dog collar you ant. Co home." 1 commandeered a urry comb and departed. Coming out met Mr. McDonald of the Central 'o-operative Store. I said: "I desire > acquire a large quantity of goods -'or Christmas." He said: "Despite ne strike, we are in a good position t supply everything required for the t'estive season." lie went sour, howvor, when 1 told hint I had no money. The Bench : it appears as if all tie' ',tratford traders were out to make money. Counsel: It is conceivable that they /ill not want to make useless swaps ud bad debts. Too Numerous Conversations. The Prisoner: .lust afterwards -100 lignett swooped down on me, and lereaftor I had a number of convolutions with folk. Jimmy Thompson sked me if I could recommend a good mir-wash, and Trotter and Hundley ackled mo about shifting in my furlituro. Then there were a shoal de- . ended on me- Ted Jackson, Karrv hompson, Tom Wilson, Richards, lodge, and Valentine all came up ami 1 ;poke. The Bench: Were these convrrsa- ■ ions germane to this case? Prisoner: Thev were all trying to ' ell me land. After that I am not -cry sure where 1 went, but as certain fine presentation books and toys ' ppear among the exhibits here I sup)Oso 1 must have had business relaions with Mr H. <). Hopkins. Ami as icre is a Meccano in evidence also ' presume I must have visited the .romises of .Messrs E. Dixon and Co., ■ hich firm, as tin* Court knows, deals •liiefly in music and musical iustru- -' uienU,

The Bench: Do they stock kazoos? Prisoner: 1 wouldn't like to say. The Bench : The matter is one which should bo cleared up. Prosecutor: As prisoner had now had such a number of '"conversations'' that be could not remember wJiat happened I will give a list of the goods which we have traced him as having stolen. The lis tis as follows: One ham, Auckland Cash Market Co. ; one washstand, W. and E. Brocklebank; selection of Pivors' perfume, K. Edwards ; a veterinary appliance and a cattle medicine, Nicholson's Pharmacy (.where three doctors attend daily); one pair ox lathes' shoes, R. Hannah and Co. (.motto, "Extra quality for money") ; one sucking pig, vv. Cannon and Co. ; one ladies coat and skirt pattern, Casn ladoring Co. ; one i an-' g nlaitk, ,). 11. Robson. The Bench: He was getting up a va«.. u i u.u-vdou of goods. Counsel: He appears to have picked out the best goods in thf town. The Prosecutor continued : One cruet Mrs C. Corhett', Toko; crockery ware, J. Masters and Son; duchesse c-liest, P. E. Carlill ; pair of laces (one cotton, one leather), T. Young (boot repairer, Broadway North); 0116 spring lamb, E. Walsh, jun. j pair riding breeches, 1). Butehart; new potatoes, E. A. Alger, pair goloshes, E. G. Foster (.boot repairing specialist) ; meat, not certain which piece belongs to Middlemiss and which to Mountford ; Peek Frean plum pudding. Drake's Dreadnought store. Christmas Presents Necsssary. The Bench: That is a formidable list. What tempted you, my good man. to steal all these things? Prisoner: I wanted them for Christmas presents. 1 The Bench: You should have paid for them or done without. Prisoner: People must have Christmas presents. Counsel: 1 wish, with permission, to ask a few questions. Prisoner: 1 do vhat J like in my spare time, and 1 always give pins! away. Counsel: Thanks very much. j The Bench: What is your name? Prisoner: I'd rattier not say, and it won't lie necessary to know it if you intend to discharge me with*a caution. The Bench: Unless I see some extenuating circumstances 1 intend to give you eighteen years on bread and water. Prisoner: In those circumstances I had better own up. 1 WQjild not do so but that I wish to attend the Eliham Carnival and the Stratford races, and intend taking a trip through to the Main Trunk line on Tom Moore's coach. I am also engaged to have conversations with Yandle, Maria, and Butcher about pigs and 1 would not miss them for the world. The Bench: Remember that "conversations" were the cause of your downfall on this occasion. Prisoner: i will be more careful next time.

Unique Denouement. The Bench: Now tell us your namp? Prisoner: My name is Santa Clans, and I was .gathering up these goods for Christmas presents, having found out where to get them "by reading the "Stratford Evening Post." The Bench: It's just getting on for breakfast time. I'm terribly hungry. Why didn't you say who you were before and saved all this bother? Prisoner: I didn't like to see my name in the paper. _ The Bench: The sagacious and discreet gentlemen who represent the press will, 1 am sure, do nothing to annov the prisoner. The Press: Your Worship pleases. The Bench: This Court stands adjourned till next Christmas Eve. Then they all went home to breakfast!