The Cousins’ Competitions

Southland Times, Issue 21097, 31 May 1930, Page 22

The Cousins’ Competitions

AWARDS IN THE 266th TEST. . (al Imaginative story, whose central figure is your favourite character in history. (For all cousins). First prize—s/- and 4 marks to Cousin Graham Witt, (101, C/o Rectory, Boys’ High School, Timaru. Second prize—2/6 and 3 marks to Cousin Nola Mitchel (12), 41 Nelson Street, Enwood. Highly Commended. —2 marks to Cousins William McCutcheon (13), P.O. Box 36, Lumsden; May Heath (13), Tuatapere; Patricia Ford (121, 223 Ettrick Street, Invercargill. Commanded. — 1 mark to Cousins Betty McDonald (13), 417 Elies Road, South Invercargill; Rae McDougall (111, 256 Nelson Street, South Invercargill; Annie Birch (12) Kapuka; Ada Hodgkinson (13), Waikaka. (b) Drawing, for Cousins under 16: “A Cheshire Cat.”

First prize—s/- and 4 marks to Cousin Bruce Godward (13), 397 Elies Road, North Invercargill. Second prize—2/G and 3 marks to Cousin Vita Nelson (14 >, Green Point, Ocean Beach. Commended —1 mark to Cousins Nola Mitchel (12), 41 Nelson Street, Enwood; James (12), Ivan (10) and Mary Fortune (9), Home Street Winton; William Robertson (13 ), Bainfield Road, Waikiwi; Chrissie Ross (11) "Mountview,’’ Puketiro, Catlins; Jean Hunter (14), Ohai; May Heath (13), Tuatapere; Marjorie Hunter (13), Ohai; Constance Gillespie (9), 288 Dee Street, Invercargill; Audrey Seddon (11), P.O. Box 91, Lumsden; Betty Don (10) 87 Lowe Street, Avenal. COMMENTS. In the first place, both competitions are well attempted, and although the drawings were neither as numerous nor as varied as usual, I can really find little to complain of in them. I am greedy enough, too, to have hoped for more stories, although I must say the quality of those I did receive set a very high standard. Too many of them, however, might have been written about anybody at all. The fact that the central figure was to be your favourite character in history should have made you see that your story identified your hero (or heroine), as such. In this respect, Cousin Granam Witt achieved his effect by identifying King Alfred with those burnt cakes he has never been able to hear the end of, historically, at all events; and Graham s idea of-bringing this admirable king into present-day surroundings was a particularly happy one. His opening is good, and he sustains the puzzled wonderment of one in such a predicament well. His choice of words is also effective, and I really think this is the most finished piece of work I have yet had from this bright cousin. Cousin Nola Mitchel on the other hand, did not draw so much on her imagination as on her inherent love of exploration and her elasticsided general knowledge. The result pleased me very much, although I suppose I really shouldn’t approve of the way she distorts actual history. Her story is a thoughtful effort, in a manner characteristic of this

cousin. She writes carefully, and her grammar is soundly constructed, an important, element in story-writing. Moreover, she has something to say, and that is more desirable still. This competition seemed to be right into the hands of Cousin William McCutcheon too, and his story of Richard of the Lion Heart also gave me a great amount of pleasure. It is written sincerely, and leaves little doubt that William considers Richard a very great hero; and it was sincerity I particularly wanted when I first thought of this competition. His story is well constructed, with some effective phrasing, marred at times by a tendency to hurry on with the narrative. This Cousin’s work will bear watching. It is obvious, too. that Cousin May Heath could write much about her hero. Robin Hood, and that her knowledge of him and his days is quite considerable. Her sense of fun, however, which generally stands her in very good stead, has on this occasion led her into one or two hackneyed phrases and modes of expression. I don’t like the Lady Lowanna who “threw him a look, which, if looks could kill,” etc —as a matter of fact, that sounds a strangely “slangy” way to refer to a lady, don’t you think? The ending to this story is rather abrupt. Cousin Patricia Ford (who I am glad to see competing again) has no doubt that Bonnie Prince Charlie is the “most wonderful figure in history,” and set out to write a story about him. Instead, she wrote a very pleasant and intelligent story of a little girl follower of Scotland’s unfortunate prince. This showed quite a wide knowledge of the times, and she clothed her knowledge attractively; but the story is about Jeannie, who is not a historical character, which is a pity. This Cousin’s style is good although inclined to be a little stilted in places,.due. I have no doubt, to lack of practice, a fault that can be (and, I hope, will be) very easily overcome. Cousin Betty McDonald quite cleverly suggested fairly early in her story that her little waif was none other than Florence Nightingale by speaking of her love for playing at nursing, and the loving care with which she nursed her kind protector back to health; but the latter part of her story becomes involved in improbability and obscurity, because it is never disclosed why she was a waif, nor how Lord Nightingale discovered her whereabouts; and I think, too, that a dream of some day realizing a hope that she was of the nobility is not a very high ideal to accredit to such a great woman. Betty’s style is improving; this story shows signs of being hurried towards the end —that is its greatest fault,-one that can be easily remedied. Cousin Rae McDougall imagines herself a member of Captain Cook's adventurous crew, and writes of an excprience encountered during his famous journey to New Zealand. She has done this quite well. But both Cousins Annie Birch and Ada Hodgkinson, although they ■ have written interesting stories, have used the names “Horatio Nelson” and “Edith Cavell,” both great and reverenced names to us Britishers, with little attempt to reproduce any of the characteristics of those brave people who bore them. By this I mean that neither has identified her character enough, and might have been writing cf any other person who accomplished a brave and thoughtful deed. I hope to hear more from these cousins, however, both write well, and have ideas. —COUSIN BETTY.

The drawings, as I have said, were not as varied as usual. I was surprised to find that you all did draw cats, although if you look in your dictionaries I think , you will find that a “Cheshire cat” is the name given to “any person with a fixed grin.” I had hoped that some of my more ambitious drawing people would have attempted a human being! Of all the drawings. Cousin Bruce Godward’s certainly shows the most quaintness and originality, and is executed neatly and effectively. There is not so much maliciousness in Cousin Vita Nelson’s cat’s smile, which is an altogether gentler expression; but there is actually more work in her drawing, whose mouth is its weakest part. Cousin Nola Mitchel’s comes next, though I must say it looks more like a cat with a, secret than with a joke; as a matter of fact it gives every evidence of being a very wily

animal. Cousin James Fortune worked out a very good idea; but his drawing is too small, and the features of his cat are somewhat obscure. Both he and Ivan introduced a note of colour; but this must not be done in black and white drawings. I must confess that if some of the drawings I received are anything like true likenesses of the cats that sit on the hearth-rug in your homes, I’d truly like to see them! As a matter of fact, I think you could make quite a lot of money showing them. —COUSIN BITIT. SERIAL COMPETITION. “The Terror of the South Seas”—“proclaimed’' appears too frequently in the opening paragraphs, and the similarity in the subsequent sound of “claimed” is not good. Such things should be watched, as choice of words is an important part of a story. "However” weakens a sentence by beginning it, unless it is used adjectivally. Peter's sentences are inclined to become involved, especially towards the end of this instalment, through being over-long. So far the story lacks action, and suffers through a lack of continuity. If a writer sets off to reminisce, the action of his story must be strong enough to support it.

“Pass the Mustard”—While fairly wellknit, this contains the same weakness as Cousin Peter Ferguson’s instalment —it lacks suspense, an element which a good serial story must assuredly have. Your own intimacy with serial stories must have taught, you that the reader should be agog to read the next instalment—that, of course, is left to the readers which this time arc all Little Southlanders. •227th COMPETITION (at Essay on Dreams. (For cousins under 16). This may be treated in any way you like. (b) Sonnet (any subject) for cousins under 16. Rules to Remember. 1 — Write in ink on one side of the paper only. 2— There must be separate sheets for each < ompctition. 3 — Each cousin must work unaided, and enter his or her own work. 4 — Drawing must be in black ink, preferably Indian ink and on drawing paper. 5— Each entry must show the name and address of the Cousin, and age. G—No one more than 1G years of age may compete in these classes unless otherwise stated. 7 —Remember that spelling and neatness will be taken into account. S—Write your name, age and address at the end of each entrv. -Closing date—TUESDAY, JUNE 3, 1930. — COUSIN BETTY. 228th COMPETITION (al The story of Georgy Porgy. (For Cousins under 16). (bl Poem, (for Cousins under 16) to “Invercargill, Our Fair City.” — Closing date —TUESDAY, JUNE 10, 1930. —COUSIN BETTY.