NOT HISTORICAL

Southland Times, Issue 21097, 31 May 1930, Page 23

NOT HISTORICAL

—First Prize— ALFRED AND THE CAKES, 1930. A quiet looking man, dressed in armour and carrying a sword, walked into a local cake-shop the other day and asked for a position as cook. “Who are you,” asked the pastry-cook, “and why the fancy-dress so soon ?” “I,” said the stranger, “am Alfred the Great. I see you don’t believe me; but let me tell my story. "After Sir Bediverc had put me in the barge among the maidens he thought that Was the last of me—and so did everyone else. “The maids, however, didn’t take me to the Happy'Hunting-ground after all. No, somehow the barge slipped up the wrong channel and landed us at the Land of Eternal Life. I intended staying there only till my wounds healed, but after eating the lettuce-leaf I found it very hard to leave there —” “Lotus-leaf, you mean,” interrupted the pastry-cook. “No! lotus is just a corruption of the good old Anglo-Saxon word, lettuce,” said Alfred testily. . “However,” he continued, “I slipped away early in 1929 in a little boat, and after many adventures sailed up the Estuary last night. Nobody wants me as King bi Invercargill or New Zealand, therefore I turn to the only other occupation I am any good at, that is, cooking cakes.” > “Had any experience?” asked the cook. ’ “Why yes,” said Alfred with' a modest cough. “In the year the Danes over-ran England I cooked a nice batch of cakes for a lady, and cooked them a nice golden brown, too.” . j “You burnt them,” accused the cook, “the History books all say the same.”

“Oh! that’s Merlin’s work, he used to interview the reporters. The young scapegrace must have told them some fine tales. Me burn cakes!” Here Alfred chuckled amusedly. '' “Well, I’ll give you a trial,” said the pastry-man. “Get to work.” For days Alfred worked hard putting seed in seed cake, till the pastry-cook, amazed at his skill, allowed him to make cakes on his owp accord. One day the pastry-cook called Alfred to him and said: “Look here! Alf., you’ve been a good worker, therefore I have decided to let you make some cakes for a banquet which is to be held in the city. This is a very delicate duty which you have to perform, and I would do it myself only I have to go and see my father who is ill. Above all, don’t burn the cakes, because the GovernorGeneral, for whom this banquet is to be held, hates burnt things.” Saying this, the pastry-cook bundled Alfred into the kitchen, set him to work, and then hurried off Io the bedside of his ailing parent. Left alone, Alfred busied himself in the kitchen, and soon had the cakes mixed up. He put them on the fire, then hearing a lot of shouting going on outside, he looked out and saw a vast army of strangely-dressed men and women marching up the street. If he had only known, it was May Fair Week, but to his simple mind it seemed that the fair city which had adopted him was in danger of being captured by enemies. “Even Invercargill is not safe from invaders,” he muttered, and seizing his sword, ’rushed into the street. When he got into the throng he was amazed by the tactics of the enemy. Never before had he seen warfare waged like this. People threw small light-coloured things at each other. Ribbons were thrown all over him. Bewildered, he brandished his sword, causing the crowd to draw back. “He’s got a good fancy dress,” they said; “but he’s too realistic.” Finally Alfred perceived that this was not an invasion, but merely some form of jubilation. He liked this form of amusement, it was better than jousting, so he gave himself up to the spirit of May Fair and joined in. He was the prime mover of all escapades. He kissed a traffic policeman, who said in astonishment, “I’ll have you know I’m Mr Stop—.” However Alfred was now out of earshot danciag on the band rotunda. Suddenly he remembered the cakes, and stopping his revelry turned and fled up the street. Arriving at the cake shop he was greeted by a smell of burning cakes. “Alas!” he cried. “If I am caught I will be thrown to the lions for this.” Then he heard a hue and cry outside. It was really the May Fair Committee, and the crowd, seeking to confer the prize on him for the best' fancy dress and to make him King of May Fair; but not knowing this Alfred fled. Arriving at the estuary, he jumped into his boat and set sail, probably for a land where the national, diet is burnt cakes. -5/- and 4 marks to Cousin Graham Witt (15), c/o Rectory, Boys’ High School, Timaru. •—Second Prize— ' HENRY HUDSON. Instead of Henry Hudson dying in the Far North with his son John and seven faithful foUowers, we will pretend that he found a way to China and the East round the North of America, as was his wish.

His crew was not the badly mixed crew of the real adventure, but he had a crew of faithful men, who thoroughly believed in the great explorer’s sound ideas and never went back On their word.

After the fog had cleared away on Hudson Bay the voyagers were eager to press on. Farther and farther North-West' they struggled until they reached Prince Albert Land, where the little Discovery, in which they were sailing, had to be repaired. The voyagers shot ducks, fowl and polar bears for their thick fur, out of which they made themselves clothes, but found that the flesh did not agree with them. They exchanged trinkets out of the ship for furs from the Esquimaux out of which the Eskimo wives, with whom they were great friends, made clothes. When the Discovery was ready for use again Henry Hudson set sail for the goal, going through Banks Strait; but the voyagers met with a severe gale which tossed the small Discovery about on the raging waters like a cork. By now the Arctic winter had set in, so Hudson thought it wiser to pitch camp until the winter was over. The Arctic snow storms covered the camp and ship, great gales shrieked and howled, and the ice-pack crackled and growled. Inside their Eskimo igloos, or snow houses, the men talked of nothing but the great adventure before them. After a few weeks the Discovery would have again set sail had not Hudson gathered his men together saying that ( they would have to wait until the ice-pack drifted apart. Through the long Arctic winter they stayed, bearing the hardships like followers of Hudson should. They slept snugly in their fur clothes, tucking their hands in, and huddling close in the igloos, while their breath rising up into the frozen air dropped back again upon their faces in the form of light snow. Now and then they had to get up, stamp their feet and clap their hands to keep warm. Then off to sleep again. At last the summer-time came. The Discovery steamed away from the winter camp, as if she was glad to be moving again. Bravely the little ship battled her way through the ice until one day the look-out reported that he saw nothing but a wide sea ahead, which is now known as the Arctic Ocean. For days the little Discovery and her gallant crew sailed on, against icy winds. After many days of battle with the elements, land was reported ahead and Hudson knew it to be Cape Barrow. Sailing round the coast the crew came across a flock of white ducks. Many of these were shot and served for meals for a few days afterwards. After sailing round the coast for a week the Officer in Charge steered for Bering Strait. They had not gone far before they ran into a rainstorm and thick weather, which caused them to sail with great caution. Suddenly the look-out cried, “Land Ho! and breakers ahead.” Instantly the helm was put down and the Discovery came about just in time to avoid a dangerous reef. After the storm had cleared away the Officer in Charge steered for the Philippine Islands. Here they met some friendly natives who gave the voyagers presents of fowl, fish and venison.

Through the scattered Philippine Islands the little Discovery sailed, now in calm and peaceful seas. Although it seems rather remarkable for, in the days of Henry Hudson not half the land which he went past was discovered, between the Islands of Java and Sumatra they sailed, then over the Indian Ocean to thq Cape of Good Hope, where they took in final stores. Just as the Discovery was leaving the land a fierce yell broke through the stillness of the forest and out from the bushes rushed several natives brandishing their spears and in full war paint. Leaping into their canoes they paddled rapidly towards the ship. The men instantly raised their revolvers, but Hudson said it would be wiser to see what they were going to do. The crew were soon to know, for, as soon as the natives were within firing space, fourteen arrows shot through the air, wounding some of the crew, but not badly. Hudson now thought it time to warn the natives that they were in danger. Loading his gun he fired a bullet above their heads. Yelling and screaming they paddled back to the shore and disappeared behind the bushes. The Discovery was now able to continue her way round the west coast of Africa.

When they reached England the vcyagers were called to the King’s court to tell of their great success. Hudson was knighted and given a handsome pension. Through his and his men’s bravery he had started the British colonies overseas, Newfoundland being the first.

—2/6 and 3 marks to Cousin Nola Mitchel (12), 41 Nelson street, Enwood, Invercargill, t

—Highly Commended.— ' AN INCIDENT DURING THE CRUSADES. While King Richard was In Syria and Palestine, during the time of the famous Crusades, he was thought to be the finest and bravest knight in Europe. King Philip and Leopold, Duke of Austria, who led armies from their respective countries, became very envious and jealous of Richard’s fame and plotted to harm the favourite knight. One night, Leopold and Philip met in a clump of cactus, and made a plan to injure the English king. The three camps stood in a semi-circle, the Austrians on the left and the French on the right to the English. Thus the English tents stood a few chains behind the other two. and straight in front of a pavilion, which had a canvas roof and steps leading up to it all round, and chairs in the middle. When Leopold and Philip left the cactus ' patch, they had made a villiknous jflan to injure King Richard, and they were very confident of their success, because they had twice the number of men that the English King had. As King Richard was leader of the Crusade, the British Flag appeared above the pavilion, and Leopold wanted to fly the Austrian flag there. If only Richard was out of the way, Philip would be soon got rid of,- thought Leopold. In a few days the Duke sent a messenger to Richard telling him that he was wanted

by a messenger of Saladin, the leader of the Saracens, whom they were fighting. Believing the message to be true, Richard went hack to the pavilion, wondering what the messenger would bring. As he mounted the steps, two black forms sprang out of the darkness and fell on him.

In a few moments, Richard was pinned to the floor by his two opponents, and one of them, whom Richard recognized as Leopold, began to bind him. . Surely the Austrian Prince would not deceive him, after he had told him all his secrets, and made him his chief adviser.

Before Leopold had had-time to tie the King’s hands, two men clad in English uniforms sprang on to the floor from the ground and caught Philip before he had time to break away; but the Duke was more active, and jumped down the steps about six at a time.

As soon as Leopold touched the ground, he sped along like a deer, and had reached the gates of his camp, ere .the Britishers had gone half the ,way. The next morning a hundred soldiers went to the Austrian camp apd arrested Leopold. In the afternoon Leopold and Philip were brought up before the whole army and Richard punished both severely. When the two traitors were dealt with, Richard packed up, and the army marched homewards.

—2 marks to Cousin William McCutcheon (13) % Box 36, Lumsden.

-Highly Commended.— ROBIN. HOOD TO THE RESCUE.

In a gloomy castle, at the top of a frowning cliff, there lived a cruel old baron, Sir Guy Fitz Swank. Needless to say, he was very lonely, and when he saw lovely Lady Lowanna Rosabel, he fell in love with her and asked her to become his wife. She refused icily, which only made him more determined to wed this lovely woman, so, with some of his men-at-arms, he set out one day for her mansion.. Breaking into the house, he carried away her aged mother, her little brother, and the Lady Lowanna herself, and ordered them to be shut in his deepest, dampest dungeon which was infested with mice and rats. Lowanna shuddered as she 1 was thrust roughly into this cold, damp hole with her mother and small brother.

That evening. Sir Guy Fitz-Swank sent for her and said in his 'harsh, unmusical voice, “Now, my fair Lowanna, do you still refuse my generous offer of marriage? If so, I shall torture the old woman and your sprat of a brother.”

Lowanna Rosabel drew herself up proudly, and threw him a look which, if looks could kill, would have, stretched the baron lifeless on the cold stone floor. “You cruel, heartless cad,” she said haughtily; “I’d die, rather than wed such as you!” “Very well,” said Sir Guy, in a silky voice, “James, go at once and bring her insect of a brother.”

The servant obediently went away and came back presently leading the child by the hand.

“Now get me a whip,” said the baron, “and we’ll soon make this lady change her mind.’ James brought a cruel-looking whip, and Sir Guy, seizing the boy, flogged him mercilessly, till the child screamed with pain.

“Now,” said the baron, “I’ll give you three days to change your mind and if you still refuse, I shall whip the old dame.” Lowanna Rosabel frowned at his want of courtesy, and walked out of the room without another word, while Sir Guy Fitz-Swank bared his teeth in a cruel smile.

Every day, for three days, he whipped Lowanna's brother before her eyes, and then he brought her old mother, and when Lowanna saw how pale and wretched her mother was, she said bitterly, “Monster! Let my mother and brother go, and I will wed you.”

“Ha, ha,” laughed Sir Guy, “I knew you’d give in. Ha, ha, I always get what I want, by fair means or foul. I shall set these two free at once.”

He led them away, but, unknown to Lowanna, shut them up once more.in the dungeon, for he was afraid that they would send friends to her rescue. Then he sent for the priest to come next day and marry them.

lowanna was in the depths of despair, and decided that as soon as they were married, she would dash herself over the cliff, rather than live with such an unscrupulous rascal. But Lady Lowanna was destined to have a delightful surprise, for at that very moment a faithful servant was speeding towards Sherwood Forest, where Robin Hood lived with his band of merry men. They were seated ’neath their favourite oak tree, some making arrows, and some practising shooting. The servant quickly told his story. “Oho,” said Robin Hood, “here’s a fine job for us, my merry men. Who has any suggestions, for we must certainly rescue this fair damsel without delay?”

That evening as Sir Guy Fitz-Swank was having dinner with Lady Lowanna, there came a violent knocking at the front door. Sir Guy scowled, “Who’s that wanting me at this time of night?” he said savagely. The baron was in a very bad temper that night, for all through dinner, Lowanna had not spoken a single word to him. She acted as though she didn’t know he was there.

Sir Guy stamped away to open the door. Then he gave a start, as he was greeted by a sweet feminine voice. “Oh, is this really you, my dear Guy. I’ve been longing to see you for such a long time. I was on my way to London, and couldn’t resist calling on you.” Into the room swept a vision of loveliness, tall and graceful, perfectly dressed, with golden curls and limpid brown eyes. Sir Guy was too flabbergasted even to speak. “It’s a fact,” continued the vision, “I really didn’t know till last week that you were my kinsman. I was looking up some old reference books, and I came upon your name. I got such a delightful surprise, for I’ve heard of you so often. Do you think you could put us up for the night, my dear Guy. I have brought but three maids and three men.”

“Sus-certainly,” gasped the baron. “You are welcome. What is your name, dear lady?” The vision gave him a dazzling smile, “Lady Estelle Veronica,” she said sweetly. “I d-don’t remember your name,” said Sir Guy, “but you arc welcome.- Your followers may go and have a talk with my servants, and we shall have a little chat while we have an opportunity.” The baron gave orders to his servants, and then sat down to enjoy a pleasant evening in the company of Lady Estelle Veronica. .

It was even more pleasant than he had anticipated, for his lady visitor was bright, flattering, and witty. After talking for some time she suggested a little game of cards. Sir Guy Fitz-Swank liked nothing better than gambling, and after playing a short time, he had won several hundred pounds from Lady Veronica. He wondered how ever he could have fallen in love with the haughty Lady Lowanna Rosabel. He ordered wine and refreshments, and after drinking a great deal of wine, became quite tipsy. Suddenly Lady Estelle clutched his arm. “I saw a face at the window,” she said, “someone is watching us.” Sir Guy stumbled to the window and looked out. As he did so, Estelle dropped something into his wine. “There is nothing,” he said, “Only your imagination dear lady.” Then he drained his cup of wine, and dropped back into his chair like a dead man. Hastily tying him up, Lady Estelle hurried away towards the kitchen where the servants were merrily entertaining her followers. They all started as a stern voice at the door bade them put up their hands. There >stood Lady Estelle with a bow and arrow in her hands.

Mechanically the servants obeyed. “Now tie them up boys,” said Lady Estelle, and the servants were soon trussed up, while with many laughing remarks, Estelle and her followers walked away. Lady Lowanna Rosabel was sitting disconsolately in her bedroom when there came a knock at the door. She gave a cry of fright. “Don’t be afraid,” said a friendly voice, “it is only Robin Hood come to rescue you.” Swiftly the door was unlocked. “Have you got my mother and brother? A servant told me they were still in the dungeon,” said Lowanna. “Yes,” said the others, “and now you are to go right home while we deal with Sir Guy.” They hurried out to a carriage that was waiting at the gate, and were soon on their way home, while Robin Hood, and his merry men returned to the baron. They bundled him into a carriage and drove away. Sir Guy Fitz-Swank awoke next morning to find himself lying on a bed of leaves, staring up at the blue sky through the branches of a mighty oak. A stalwart figure dressed in green came towards him. “How are you feeling this morning, dear kinsman?” said Robin Hood sweetly, while all the other merry men burst into a laugh. Sir Guy Fitz-Swank didn’t know what to think. Then as he realized how he’d been japed, he grew purple with rage. “You—you—you ” he spluttered, “I’ll —l’ll—l’ll ” Words failed him and he grew more and more purple. ‘Keep calm,” said Robin Hood tauntingly, "or you’ll burst something.

“What’ll we do with him?” said Little John. “Boil him in oil,’’ said Will Scathelock. “Tar and feathers,” suggested someone else. “Just let me get 'my stave on to him,” cried Friar Tuck, “I’ll make him squirm.”

“Good idea,” they said. So, Sir Guy was tied to a tree, and Friar Tuck beat him till he cried for mercy. “Now,” said Robin Hood, “Get out of this country as fast as you can. If ever I see you again, my arrow will pierce your black heart.” The cringing baron crept away, and he has never been seen since, for that very day

he sailed for France, there to end his dismal career. —2 marks to Cousin May Heath (13) % Messrs Cameron and Finn, Tuatapere.

B.—What are the oldest astronomers? —The stars. Because they have always studded (studied) the heavens. • —Cousin Peggy Mair.