Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 21091, 24 May 1930, Page 8

Shaun’s Patch

A little nonseme now xnd then | 11 relished by the wisest men. • —Hudlbru. I

’ When Star and Pirates have to play, I go to watch the busy fray, x But being cautious, never say Who I think will win . the day. * ■ * 1* Critics are people who either pinch or punch part of an artist’s fame. <? An old story revived for me this week was of the actor who, when a child had been squalling in the gallery for a long time, advanced to the footlights and said: “Ladies and gentleman, unless the play is stopped, the child cannot possibly go on.” * - * * As the correct pronunciation puts the accent on the -last syllable, we can begin all over again: In the City of Invercargill Lived a man with a great force of will, He made folk do this, he made ’em do that; Wear baggy trousers, a hard-hitter hat, Whenever they wanted to dress up to kill. • In Invercargill, In Invercargill, The city so flat that it never gets ’ill. One time when thej’ felt the season was ■tame, Some citizens thought they would alter the name. They thought them of this and they thought them of that, But all their suggestions fell awfully flat Until this strong man earned an undying fame, In Invercargill, In Invercargill, With a different accent and spelling the same. * • * * * The skies are dark and wintry', The days are wet with rain, But I don’t care because I’ve been Riding on the Glenham train. f- * * * Optimism: A gift shop in Scotland. * * * * NEPTUNE’S PLAINT. NEW' YORK, May 22. Dr. Eckener radioed: “We crossed the equator at 6 o’clock (New York standard time) this morning and expect to reach Pernambuco at 4 p.m. (New York time). We shall land at Pernambuco and pass the night there, in view of an otherwise unfavourable hour of arrival at Rio de Janeiro, where y»’e would arrive late in the evening.. Regular Neptune ceremonies were carried out over the Equator, Officer Fathereiller acting as King Neptune baptised nearly all the passengers and the commander, amid great merriment.” For years I’ve ruled the savage seas, The mermaids and the fishes, And everyone of them obeyed The-slightest of my wishes. To please the men who plough the deep And cross the warm Equator, I’ve boarded shins and taken toll Of every human crayter. The seas have been my sole demesne, Where I’ve been autocratic, And boarding ships has always been Of my rule symptomatic. No mariner, no passenger Have ever found me skipping My duties, though I do confess I’m getting tired of tripping. For years and years I’ve done this job Without a thought of grousing, Not even when I’ve had to leave . An ocean-bed carousing; But with man’s latest enterprise Have come some silly notions, And 1 protest at being called To leave my native oceans. ’Twas bad enough to swim aloft And crawl up through the surface To bath a lot of novices And shave a mariner’s-face; But things have gone from bad to worse And I am well nigh frantic By airings when a Zeppelin Goes down the old Atlantic, My realm is in the waters blue, - Not in the windy ceilings, And those who make me clamber up Are quite bereft of feelings. One Zeppelin’s a novelty But this comes to my ken, sir— Why for their sport should Neptune risk His death by influenza 1