Shaun's Patch.

Southland Times, Issue 18840, 5 June 1920, Page 11

Shaun's Patch.

“A little nonsense now and then” —“Hudibras.” It takes new men for new ideas. Reporting the first appearance of Mr Justice Salmond on the Bench, a northern journal said; His Honour said that ho would not accept as sufficient evidence of desertion that the respondent went to her mother a fortnight before petitioner went to camp. He wanted to see the tttttttttttt th The case was adjourned sine die. I wonder if they have found that “tttttttttttt th” for him yet, or was His Honour only teasing the petitioner. ■»*»*** A STRUGGLING POET TO HIS LADY. Each day I fry to loudly sing Your praises Yet though I work like anything The phrases Wont work in rhythm or in rhyme I wrote blanked verses cv’ry time. But still I will pursue my task Tour car to please. Resolved to win. e’en though it ask For centuries. Yea, day on day and night on night I’ll struggle on with all my might. And while I try to sing to thee Your loveliness A dreadful warning comes to me Robed in distress: For when I’ve got the poet's touch Tour beauty mayn’t amount to much. ****** From an American paper: Gentleman or lady, steam heated, with or without board. For further information write 8.X., Box 7, Eagle Bedford branch. These people don’t have to worry about coal shortages or miners’ strikes.

Old Mother Hubbard she went to the cupboard F'or purposes I needn’t tell But when she got there, the cupboard waa bare — A result of the H C.o.L. Mr Morris Gest, the producer of “Aphrodite.” in New York, has invited Lord Sandhurst, the British censor, to pay a special visit to the United States to witness the play, and decide if it is fit for London. The offer covers Lord Sandhurst’s full expenses on the trip. “Aphrodite” is said to reveal an astonishing lack of clothing, Aphrodite, in the full nude, posing in the “Temple of Love.”—News Item. If the description of “Aphrodite” is accurate it is not the censor that should make the trip but the Board of Trade to see if this method of cutting down the clothing bill may be extended to decrease the cost of living for the masses. Still: If a Censor is to be the guest Of Yank producers in a plight, ho Will take his work up with new zest Protecting folk from Aphrodite. But if reports that come are true About the doubtful drama’s strenth, he Will take great care—and so would you— To make th’ examination lengthy. ***--•« One thing that Julius Caesar was saved by the last fatal thrust, was hearing his wife say; “I told you so,Jules!” »**•*• The Board of Trades Profiteering score so far; A tin of Baby’s food Some alarm clocks A Chinaman. A pot of vaseline ******

| I have taken up the fv and A gam? of j Golf. (No flowers by request), and the other day I did ray first tound with Horace, i I don t know Horace except as another fol- | lower of the Game. I was teeing off or ■ starting at the third omrier when he ar- | rived and offered to assist me. Horace was | accompanied by two other experts and beI tween them they assisted to carry my bag- ! fttl of clubs—sticks wufi funny heads on I them, some of wood ar-d others of iron ‘hand forged in Scotland.” Ail the iron t ones are branded with their rigid names so I that you enn follow the directions in the book without much trouolc, except where it mentions something that jou haven’t got in your hag—the only ‘ hing to do then is to shut your eyes and take whichever club nr stick comes into your hand; Anyhow, Horace Joined me. I was in the process of driving, r lhe ball was :afe!y and neatly poised upon the top of a sand castle—the third hole was away in the distance. Following all the directions on Page 8, the one facing Vardon at the end of his swing, I gripped tightly, went back and raised the left heel the exact amount, uttered a brief pray’r to the God of Golf and smote. Horace was still there, :o .va? I and so was the ball on the top of the ca.-tie. Rio I waggled the club over the ball au 1 screwed my feet about and again went thiough the motions or antics described on Page 8 (having first squinted at Page 0 to tec if there were any exceptions to the rules) and smote a second time. Joy! The little ball flew! It went soaring aloft in the midst of several pounds of New Zealand. Horace was visibly impressed and so perforce I had to say something. With the air of .in Old Hand, which I hope deceived him, 1 murmured that I hadn’t had a club iu my hands for years and that I would want more practice to get on my game again. 1 threw in a ‘'stymie” and a “slice” here and then to get the right atmosphere. Horace locked at me with more rcsp-cct than hitherto He knew that I had told my first !ie-- | hat 1 was well on the way to being a first rate Golfer.

Old Eerdy grow;; the honest spud And Karl is living on ids debts; But Prussia’s Pride —Oh vain regrets!— Young Willie, I’m afraid’s a dud, Though not his father, ft r you see Ambition still within 1 ini buds Anri he by giving time to duds Ilis suit renews for Germany. Clothes make I the man, the old bird knows - , And when a king has lost his throne He may get back some of his own Just as a man, by making clo’s. The armour bright, the rattling sword Have gone to other uses, but As tailors give the neper “cut” Some mcm’rics linger wTh the word. The Potsdam manners and the Guards, Moustaches high, the Eagles bright They all have gone—gene in a night— Gone, too, his mana with ihe bards. And yet at eve he still may sit And think his- patterns at his feet If ho “shows” in a Berlin street The Allies all will have a “fit.”