Shaun's Patch.

Southland Times, Issue 18816, 8 May 1920, Page 11

Shaun's Patch.

“A little nonsense now and then.”" y. —“Hudibras.” - Standing orders—Passengers on Invercargill trams. Just after the settlement of the E.F.CA. trouble a local engineering firm advertised "Wanted, a first-class striker.” Evidently trying to get more men to leave the service. The recent appointments by the Invercargill Borough Council were examples of the unfitness of things. Surely Mr Carman should have direct charge of the trams! Of the other: ■ All that is brisk we at least hope to tell The race for the cars he’ll surely enhance; Wc hope he will take in the "field” at a glunee And murmur: “Guard, two on the bell!” ••■»■ • • - • I do protest about this desire to chain the mayor. Mr Stead would tell us that the life of the Chief Magistrate is a dog's one when preparations for great events are in the air, but there is no use nibbing it in. Much better and cheaper to adopt the French idea and encircle the mayoral girth with a sash of national colours. Now, the mayor with a Union Jack swathed round his corporation would be easily recognisable and—but Councillor Martin can finish the picture. • « • • • • • Returns the driver to his engine. Blow, whistles, Wow, the trains hell run! With higher pay and thus he may Put Just another little dinge m The sover-un, **••••• On one or two occasions I have seen paged from the l United States Congressional Record and the little I have read has whetted my appetite for more. This choice bit is distinctly attractive: MR LONG WORTH. Mr Chairman, I have several perfecting amendments suggested by the Tariff Commisßion that I desire to offer. The clerk read as foQowa: Pag«r 3, line 12, after the word “dimethyromidophenol” insert “dimcthyphenylbeniylanumonenimhydroxide.” MR LONG WORTH. Mr Chairman, that is an amendment suggested by the Tariff Commission and also a change of policy. Change of policy! It looks like a Wilson Note in code.

The latest definition of an Optimist: A Scot wandering about the United States with a corkscrew!

A pennyworth of publicity is worth a ton of talent. • •«•••• I remember, I remember The suits I used to wear. When tailors wanted but five quid To fit you everywhere. But now they’re fourteen notes apiece (And some be twenty, too) Oh, how 1 wish that I might dress As Adam used to do. • ••♦*• t I notice that the ■ Wyndham Farmer proudly reports, with name and address, the record-maker of the one-gun bag, giving his tally as 35. Isn't there some limit like 25 on the bag ? Perhaps the ducks will not be the only thing bagged. From an overseas paper:— I, the undersigned, will not be responsible for any debts contracted by my wife, Agnes. (Signed) G. LOVELESS. Love has gone with days of yore, And leaves us but regrets— Though Loveless, I would love her more. But for my Aggie’s debts.

The Christchurch Labour Representation Commrttoe will not take part in the welcome to H.RJI. and bids ail claao-conacious workers to do likewise. Happy Prince!

A MODERN LOVE SONG. I will not sing in tender numbers About her creamy cheek. Which comes off every night she slumber". That's seven times a week. Nor will I waste my time in sighing About her wond'rous hair. For nowadays there’s no relying That ’twill be dark or fair. No. waste not words upon her tresses, Also, in terrorem. Don’t try a sonnet on her dresses— There’s not enough of them. I’ll simply treat her as a brother, And thoughts of love defer, Until I’ve gaued upon her mother— And then I’ll marry her.