FACTS AND SCRAPS.

Southland Times, Issue 1783, 22 August 1873, Page 4

FACTS AND SCRAPS.

The law of Illinois allows man and wife to enter into partnership, but the women want the sign to read: — "Mrs Jones and ITusband."

When Shakespeare wrote about patience on a monument, he did not refer to doctors' patients, because you always fiud them under a monumeut. Assisting Nature. — The dentist who extracted a tooth from the mout'i of a river is preparing a cosmetic for the face of a cliff.

A boy eight years old, at Lowell, Massachusetts, spelled seven thousand words without a tniss, and he put one hundred to tlie committee, and they mis-.ed fifteen.

A sheriff in Florida, who was called upon to resign, wrote back : — " Your co-mnunioalion is received, stating that my resignation wiil meet the approval of the Governor. It does not meet mine."

A little girl was one day reading the history of England with her governess, and coming bo the statement that Henry I. never laughed after the death of his son, she looked up, and said, " What ever did he do when he was tickled ?"

Fond mother at a militia barracks : — "How well our Joe do it, don't be? TLnok ! I believe he'll be a general some day !" Father : — " Shouldn't wonder at all, mv de;tr ! Why, I've heered as FieldMarshal the great Dook of Wellin'ton hisaelf waa ouly a lnsihman once !"

A colored gentleman went to consult one of the most conscious lawyers, and after stating the case, said : " ISTow, Mr — -, I know you's a lawyer, but I wish you would please, sir, jis till nie de truf 'bout dat matter." An eccentric beggar thus laconically addressed a lady : — " Will you, ma'am, give tne a drink of water, lor I am so hungry I don't know where to stay tonight ?" We doubt whether more meaning could be embodied in so few words. A Valiejo young lady, about to go off in the cars, stepped into the dark sittingroom of the depot to kiss her friend Sarah good-bye. Owing to the darkness she didn't hit Sarah, but caromed on a Chinaman, and didn't find out the mistake uutil John began yelling, " What for you so chokee me ! Hi yah ! No squeezee so muchee !" One yell, ai flopping of feminine garments, a slammed door, and that girl waa gone. j " Now, my young friends, suppose twelve men buy twenty-four bushels of wheat, to be divided equally, how many bushels is that for each ?" Boldest of the boys : " Please, sir, we have not got that far." "How is that? Tour teacher told me you had learned all the first four rules !" Boy : " Yes, sir ; but we have always done our sums in potatoes and turnips — we have never had wheat."

A man whom Dr Chambers engaged to manage a disorderly Sunday-school, kept his eyes wide open during praying, and when one boy thrust a pin into another, he marched up the aisle, still praying, and cuffed that boy's ears, and went back again, praying all the way. After that he was master of the situation, for the boys thought that a man who could watch and pray like that could not be put down.

Silk Without the Silkworm. — It is said that the Italian manufacturer, Marasi, has patented a very simple process for the production of silk from the bark of the mulberry tree, in which chemical agents previously unsuccessfully employed, such as soda, lime, &c, are dispensed with. Fibres are said to be obtained entirely free from parenchyma, and resembling in color, appearance, fineness, and strength a specimen of Moorish silk. Similar statements have, however, heretofore, proved un founded.

Two well-known Americans are now in England — Mr Pulman, who is likely to make a good thing of his sleeping cars ; and Mr Cyrus Field. The latter gentleman always sends a telegram to his wife in the United States when he sits down to dinner, and gets an answer back before he has risen from the table.

The English machinery department in the Vienna Exhibition is reported to be exceedingly good, though Germany, tbanks to its aptitude in imitating English workmanship, runs us somewhat close. In Pine Arts, England does not Bhow up so well. Only 208 pictures are exhibited, while Erance has despoiled her galleries of her finest productions to the amount of 2,000. Great attention has been paid by all nations to the restaurants, and here again England comes to the fore with true Anglican sides of beef and surpliced cooks to carve. What has hitherto excited the greatest admiration are the neat little cottages in which the English workmen are housed, as also the excellent arrangements for their comfort and convenience.

The Seal Trade. — The state of society among seals is at present (says tbe Pall Mall Gazette) such as to cause much anxiety to those who are interested in them. It appears from the evidence given by some of the sealing captains before a committee of the Legislative Council of Newfoundland that there is a painful disproportion of the sexes in sealish circles — indeed, one experienced sealing master gave it as his opinion that among old seals there are twenty males for one female, and there is reason to fear that this is the case also among young seals. The consequences may be easily imagined. Fierce combats take place between the male seals during the matrimonial season, rendered all the more bitter, because, notwithstanding this disproportion, polygamy is an institution with seals as with Mormons, and the result is that hundreds of old bachelor seals are condemned to celibacy against their inclinations, jealousy and distrust exist on all sides, and a general selfishness arises utterly subversive of domestic or social happiness. In addition to these discomforts, the seals are destroyed by thousands without consideration for age or sex. One sealer, the Neptune, in her

first two trips, lately brought in 41,000 seals — value 183,000 dollars — in one season. In Green Bay the Neptune fell in with a large herd enclosed in the ice, the captain formed his men into line, and at the word of command they rushed upon their prey, and in two or three hours despatched 8000 old seals with their gaffs and clubs. With the view of preventing the destruction of seals when too young and the disturbance of mother seals when engaged in nursery occupations, the Newfoundland Legislature is about to pass an Act prohibiting steamers from leaving porfc for the seal fishery before the 10 th of March, and sailing vessels before the Sth of March. Altogether, the seal in the Zoological Gardens may console himself for his captivity by re fleeting that his position might have been worse had he remained at home.